Saturday, March 31, 2007
AS I WALKED OUT ONE EVENING
As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
'Love has no ending.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

'I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

'The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
'O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

'In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

'In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

'Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

'O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

'The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

'Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

'O look, look in the mirror?
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

-W.H. Auden
Friday, March 30, 2007
LAST NIGHT
Before anything else, I would like to official declare the abolition of my anonymity rule in this blog. I figured since these shall be the last entries in this blog and the fact that I am starting anew, I might as well credit the people who well, I have been with lately - physically, spiritually and mentally (Go Magdalena! Good riddance to you.)

Last night was one of the most enjoyable nights I have spent so far this year, the happiness for a rare opportunity was not attributed to material satisfaction. After the mind grueling last day of exams, my friends and I decided to spend the night with the three things we loved doing the most - eating (and drinking coffee), singing and camwhoring. And so after the megrim-inducing Filipino finals, I met Eric, Justin, Kim, Ella, and Miguel at the spirit-of-the-forest tree. Hanging out for a while, Jan, Pre, Ais and Bernice also stopped by to formally give their goodbyes to Justin and I as part of the block. Childishness also emanated once more with Miguel bringing a soccer ball as we spent quite some time attempting to hit Ella with it in the face. Later on Luis came and decided to join us. Minutes later, we left for Greenhills. Us boys rode with Luis as Miguel and Ella dated with Kim as their third wheel.

Upon arriving at the place, we dropped by at Fully Booked to see a copy of Sei Shonagon's Pillow Book, which nobody had any sense of interest to purchase it. We then pigged out at Burgoo where had a blast doodling at the paper table cover - Ella showing us her talent in drawing cartoon characters reminiscent of those fake commodities one would see in the local tiangge. Luis also had a great time drying his pants, feeling the stickiness of the softdrink seeping through his corduroy, which Miguel and Eric adored; and yes, thank God for bottomless drinks. After stuffing ourselves, we then proceeded to go to the Family KTV whatchamacallit nearby. We spent two hours singing our asses off, selecting dozens of songs, without being able to finish more than 5. Of course, Ella once more attempted to become a diva beating the mic as notes started to fill the room. Together with Miguel, they sang the mushiest (Truly Madly Deeply, Iris) and the gayest (Push the Button, Cheeky Girls). As usual, I also tried to scream my lungs out but it was Justin who ended up with the Inday Garutay voice at the end of the night. Eric also sang his neverending Chinese song/s as Luis also joined the belters after DJ-ing. Typical of Kim, she never held the mic albeit she joined in some of the singing. After Closing Time, we then decided to go back to Katipunan. Before going home, we dropped by Starbucks for some coffee. Luis had to leave early though since he still had to meet the missus. Ella too left early as she was picked up by her kuya and their red car. An hour or so later, we decided to call it a night.

[freeze]

Voiceover: The 5 parted their ways - Miguel rode his car, Eric walked home while Kim and Justin waited for Mark to get a cab. The three stood awkward as no taxi passed by. As soon as Mark got his ride, he waved goodbye and left. It was the last time they saw each other.

Hahaha!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
WHERE IS FREEDOM? WHERE IS JUSTICE?
"It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it." -Aung San Suu Kyi

Aung San Suu Kyi is the epitome of democracy. She is a patron of nonviolence (inspired by the life of Mahatma Gandhi) and pro-democracy yet she remains a prisoner of conscience (the only imprisoned Nobel Peace Prize recipient) because of a military tyranny in her own country despite the many appeals of the UN, artists and other international organizations and even the democratic people of Burma. In spite of the Burmese government's disregard, we shall continue fighting for Aung San Suu Kyi's freedom. Join the fight for democracy and register at www.actionburma.com.

"I prefer not to interfere too much with what is going on in the world, but when someone has been thrown into a hole and they ask you to throw down a rope, I am happy to look for a rope, especially for a woman of such grace." -Damien Rice
Monday, March 26, 2007
HAMOG
Kanina nang mapatabi ako sa aking durungawan, akala ko biglang nagbago ang ihip ng hangin sa gitna ng napakainit na tag-araw... Uulan lang pala.
HERE I COMM!
Finally after a year of confusion, months of deliberation and weeks of anticipation, my intention to shift has ultimately been met with approval. Few days from now, I shall no longer be a ComTech major under the JohnGokongweiSchoolofManagement and an official member of the R1 community. Indeed the three remaining days shall be my last as an affiliate of these institutions. I do not claim to be a celebrity, however I would like to take this opportunity to express my final message and formally bid my farewell to the people who have been a big part of the first leg of my journey in college.

No bullshit: Before I begin with the sentimentality, let me start this with all brutal honesty as it would be a shame if I would not be able to tell you this before I formally leave: I detest the concept of blocks and blockmates. I firmly believe the creation of such mechanism is mainly for those students who came from exclusive schools who have yet to experience the dynamics of boys and girls coexisting in a formal school setting. It is something that I have already experienced before, coming from a coed school, which I do not think is necessary in an environment where the focus should be on the individual. Let me be more frank by saying that I never really enjoyed being part of a block (perhaps the closest I ever felt that was when we took a 3-day vacation together, but come to think of it... not quite) Call me irrational or bitter for I do not really expect to convince you or assume your full comprehension of where I am getting at but if in case you wish to listen, I will be more than willing to tell you about it in person. The farewell therefore is not addressed to the block, for I have long said my goodbye to it. Rather, I want to focus more on the individual relationships, the personal bonds I have formed (if indeed there really were, discounting the depth or duration) within the 2 years. To you, I give my deepest gratitude for making college a little more colorful:

Jaron: This person I only had the chance to speak more because of Sci10. I thank you for the camaraderie and concern you have expressed during the times we were seatmates and sleepmates in class.

Ginjie: Remember ES? Save the Lake was one of the main reasons why we got to bond even just a bit. A good sport and a great model, I thank you for your wonderful presence. If it was not for you, I might have not received anything from the first R1 Awards. Thank you.

Mikko: The high spirit of the class. I thank you for your comedy, your frankness and your uniqueness. A day without your punchlines is truly quite different. Thank you for trusting me with your school works.

Tin: Hello gayness. One of the newcomers this year who I was already comfortable with in the first meeting. I appreciate your perkiness, with all the smiles you bear electronically and personally. You are truly one outstanding girl.

Cheska: The only person who attempted to cuddle (kadol) me and was successful in doing so. She described me one time as a serious person who is able talk some sense. I thank you for that Cheska.

Bojo: The person who wanted to give me the privilege of being the beadle for DannyChan's Law 11 class. I thank you for giving me that sense of respect. I am also thankful for that one time you shared your story, here's hoping you no longer wish to turn back time.

Justin: An amazing person able to bear all my antagonism and annoyance, thank you for being one hell of a sport. I am honored that you appreciate my writing, my thoughts and my opinions. Remember that you too are being listened to.

Ella: One of the first people I have met before college even officially started. I feel guilty because it has only been lately when I had the chance to know her more on a deeper level beyond school works. Thank you also for being able to deal with my ego.

Christa: I remember it was Eda's birthday and Christa was one of the brave few who tried to make me laugh. Although she failed, I did appreciate the gesture. One of the most natural people in class, thank you for bravely accepting the R1 Idol trophy.

Nikki: Like deodorant, Nikki won't let you down. A person you could really count on, I thank you for saving our Theology presentation. I remember last summer when you wanted to come with me to the shooting, despite not having made it, I appreciate the interest.

Inna: I don't know if she could recall the fact that she was my first seatmate during the Orsem. She seemed to be snobbish then, but everything changed as time went by. Thank you for giving me your trust, with all the school works and whatnot.

RJ: I was glad when I found out that we live in the same place. Starting last sem, I no longer had to endure the traffic by myself. I thank you for everything that you have shared to me, the trust and the respect. I truly appreciate them.

Ron: My co-crammer who would often send a message at dawn asking me if I had already started or finished studying or doing homework. Ron is also the person responsible in spreading those outrageous links in Youtube like the girl with the thing. Thanks for everything pare.

Kim: If there's one person who has endured the best and worst of me, this person has got to be it. Thank your for the patience, the concern, the candies, the hand sanitizers, the bathroom, the friendship, the understanding and yes, for being my yaya. Indeed, I am very much grateful.

Ice: The sole victim of my racism. I thank you for being patient and for being a good sport. For all the wonderful layouts, for the creative conversations, I thank you. Most of all, I thank you for the trust and for listening to everything my endless mouth had blabbered.

Danessa: One of the few people I knew I would get along with from the start because of our shared passion for leadership and service. Too bad, I had to let go of that. Despite that, I am proud that you continued to fight for what you believe in. I thank you for your trust.

Bernice: My seatmate in Math 11 who endured all of my side comments, my doodle... My insanity. I still remember that one time when we walked along Katipunan and you had to go through my never ending chat about papayas. Thank you for patience and your exuberance.

Pre: The first person in school to see id. and said she loved it. You never fail to make me feel relieved with your ever positive remarks. I thank you for that. Another victim of my name calling, thank you for being game and yes, Body Fuzion rules.

Rani: One of the people who have earned my respect. Rani is a jack of all trades. I thank you for that one instance when you helped me with LS, despite ma'am calling your name out during History. And for the many times you have made school easier, I thank you.

Jan: One of the few people who I trust with my narrations concerning my nonexistent love life. I always enjoy talking with you, regardless of what medium. Thank you also for entrusting me with your own stories. Indeed I will not forget the night I made you scream three times.

Eric: My perennial partner and groupmate. College life would be so much tougher without this guy. Now that I'm leaving, I guess it's time for us to test new waters. I am truly, deeply grateful for everything - the trust, the respect, the companionship and the friendship.

Eda: Another person I have already met online before Orsem. I miss the times when we were like children playing pretend, her being DJ Eda complete with ideas for a TV station; and no they weren't wholesome. I thank you for those fun times and the friendship.

Joyce: I don't have anything to say to you because I will still see you and you will be scoring my next short film. Well, for the mean time, let me thank you for the trust and the friendship; for being one of the fanatics of Oneironauts and my dream concepts.

Luis: I will never forget the one time when I talked about my concerns regarding transferring with him and he referred me to God. I truly believe that he is an outspoken person with hidden great wisdom. Thank you for that moment and for the many times you were a good friend.

Miguel: A person who is game in almost anything and everything - from guesting in the now defunct kraMTV to playing a closet gay in malPUNction, I thank you for your eagerness and encouragement, for the attempts to initiate a deep conversation and for your trust.

Gino: One of the very few who I was not able to know that much. It was only through PE101 where we had the chance to converse and be part of one group (although we were groupmates in ES also, one sem earlier) Thanks for being a wonderful person.

The cynical reader (who I must congratulate if he/she has no business with this yet has willingly read up to this spot) might be wondering why I am even spending time doing this instead of reviewing or creating something more productive. Well, the explanation is very simple. In life, human relations are inevitable. Despite the fact that this was not my main goal upon entering college, the connections I have made are what they are and I cannot do anything anymore to change that. I say with much honor that I am thankful for these things. However, the fact remains that my hibernation period is nearing its end and it is time once more for me to focus on the individual - on my self, on my own. And as I move on to the next leg of this journey, I take with me all that I have accomplished and created within the past 2 years. No more hesitation, no more distraction. The time has come for me to put my engine back into full power. At long last, here I Comm!
GUARDING TESSIE
Then: Sen. TessieAquino-Oreta, one of the three female senators who voted for "NO" (no for opening of the envelope), was seen on nationwide television and most people had the impression that she was dancing joyfully as the opposition walked out.

Now: "Tessie, bakit ka nag-Dancing Queen?"

TAO is back. Stronger than ever. And now showing on a television near you.

The cab driver who detested dirty politics whom I met a couple of weeks ago had most probably killed himself after having seen this ridiculous political ad of the former senator. Who wouldn't? Perhaps as deluding as the president's "I'm Sorry Speech" during the height of the Garci Scandal, the starlet of the Erap impeachment similarly fails to win any sense of sympathy from the ever-adamant Filipino spectator. You tell us it is from your mistakes from which you are to rise again and fight? Do us all a favor and deal with your ghosts in your own personal/ private life, away from the political arena if you truly are sincere.

Hey Mr. DJ put a record on, I want to dance with Miss Tessie. And please, no chacha this time. We all know Miss Tessie would like that, but she said she grew tired of it already. That was what she said on her speech right?

Forgiveness, madame is inevitable, redemption however is never to be expected - it is earned.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
S'WONDERFUL
The most wonderful thing about our relationship is that it's nonexistent.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
DO YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD MICE SMELL LIKE?
Empty: That's how I felt like after spending 3 days (with lots of intervals of course) reading Guillermo Arriaga's The Night Buffalo. The plot got me hooked to an exciting development of events, that is until politics entered the picture, which eventually led me to a hanging ending. Although it reminded me of Y Tu Mama Tambien (just the slightest bit), I'm not actually sure right now whether the book was worth it. What's actually bad is that there were lots of typos.

Hatred: I hated the fact that there wasn't any resolution. It really just left everything hanging without anything critical for the reader to at least help formulate an intelligent inference. It was as if all the creative and colorful characters turned into stone, everyone of them wasted. Right now, I don't think I'm even looking forward to see the film adaptation.

Hope: I'm just pissed off because I was really into it. I was really hooked with the idea of a "destructive" menage a trois despite the many unrealistic events that took place. At least now I know that it's really this kind of narrative, the manner of storytelling that really catches my attention, and maintain it more importantly. Despite its many flaws, it inspired me to make my own interpretation of the territorial battles between the sexes (with multiple participants), which I think I have to learn more about either through my own experience, or perhaps even through another's.

It's at the end of the rainbow, where the golden showers are.
REUNION
Leo and Kate are reuniting! *screams*

Okay. Let's not get too carried away now.

I had just been informed about Kate Winslet and Leonardo diCaprio reuniting on the big screen for the first time after Titanic. And no, they're not joining the league of Forrest Gump 2, by giving Titanic a sequel. The two will be performing in Revolutionary Road, a drama based on Richard Yates' classic novel of the same name. The film shall be directed by Academy Award Winning American Beauty helmer, Sam Mendes, who just happened to be Kate's husband. Despite the fact that it's too early for me to predict anything, can I just say that this film screams gold? Come on, the two have had a couple of Oscar noms already. And it would be so wonderful to see them win their first golden boy together in this reunion film.

Makes me want to watch Titanic again.

Too bad I can't right now.

PS:
Speaking of romance, I was re-wiki-ing Before Sunrise a while ago when I noticed that it had a line stating the film being 100% fresh in RottenTomatoes.Com, which is a very rare feat. Hooray for Jesse and Celine.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
THAT'S THE WAY
I'm really happy with the way things are going for you and me right now. You, having your new man. Me, having... Well, Penelope. Judging from the way you look, it seems like you're really happy. And I'm not being bitter at all now because I'm happy too. You see I'm really enjoying my life now despite the fact that my search for this sense of completeness is a disaster. But of course, as you know me, I don't really care about that as long as my work's sailing smoothly, which by the way it is... I mean my career's really skyrocketing. But yeah, I still do think of it sometimes... You Well, another person, completing me. But hey, life's a bitch and we can't have it all so yeah, I guess I should pretty much be contented for now... Yeah, for now. Oh wait, I think I still do want to talk to you, if you have the time... I mean, to catch up on the old times. What can I say? I missed ya. Well, I've said that now. Here comes the funny smile showing itself again. Yeah, that smile. Yeah. Oh but on second thought I think I don't want to talk to you anytime soon. Well, I guess I'm not ready yet. I mean, I don't know what to say, everything's still kind of awkward ain't it? Makes me want to wish we could just forget everything and start all over again. Would that be possible? Well it's your call. Just let me know what's in your head. Oh and by the way, the name's Mark in case you forgot.
Monday, March 19, 2007
I CAN'T SEEM TO...
Why forget? Because honey, that's the only thing left to do...
FALLING OUT OF LOVE
There's a lot of things I want to say to you right now. I just can't seem to find the right words... and the right time. I listen to songs and I think of you. I see movies and I am reminded of you. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to avoid you, you just seem to be everywhere. When will this stop? Sometimes, I feel as if I just want to forget you; forget that you even existed; forget what we had, whatever that is... was.

(Note by pretentious gossip folk: Wow, is this an excerpt from your next film?)

Ironically, while I am writing this, I had just discovered that the door to my room, the one that won't close or if it does it's hard to open it as it just gets stuck, well, I can close it now - properly that is. I don't know if this has any symbollic meaning whatsoever, I just wanted you to know. Oh and yeah, let me also tell you about the fact that days from now, our connection, whatever that's left of it shall technically cease to exist. Well, that is if my assumptions are correct. Well, but just in case, it was nice meeting you.

(Note by pretentious gossip folk: Ah... Huh?)
Saturday, March 17, 2007
THE AUTHOR IS DEAD
To everyone who has been wondering and has kept on asking me why I do not give concrete explanations regarding my films, this excerpt from a great filmmaker basically defends my belief.

"While I cannot let myself be concerned with what people think and say about me personally, I believe that reviewers and critics have every right to interpret my fillms as they like. I refuse to interpret my work to others, and I cannot tell the critic what to think; each person has the right to understand a film as he sess it. Either he is attracted or repelled. A film is made to create reaction. If the audience does not react one way or another, it is an indifferent work and worthless." -Ingmar Bergman

The author is dead indeed.
SOME PEOPLE
If I had the chance to choose the people I could spend the rest of my life with, 50-90% of the people I know will become strangers forever in my eyes. It's a sad truth. I don't know how this came about but I am really feeling so detached from almost everything, everyone. I find it so hard to be pleased, which explains why I do such pathetic things in life. It's not even a question of fulfillment (or is it?) Sometimes I just want to be invisible. Or if humor pervades, I want to have a remote control that would open up a trap door that would help me dispose of people I don't want to be with. The funny thing is that I'm not even depressed right now. I'm actually happy whilst I am typing this - happy with a sadistic glee.

This is the very reason why I love being a writer. I write because I could not speak. I could not speak because I could not express. I could not express because I could not feel. I could not feel because I am empty. Maybe I do need someone to complete me. Just maybe...
GUILTY PLEASURES
First time ko (ata) magblog ng ganito. I'm feeling casual tonight. Bear with me.

Kadalasan kapag pumupunta ako sa Megamall, meron talaga akong specific places na dinaraanan, at usually, yung mga yun lang talaga; yun ay Astro, Odyssey, Powerbooks, National (paminsan-minsan) at Sbarro. Kaya kanina sa pagpunta ko sa aking paboritong mall, muli na naman akong bumisita sa mga tindahang iyon, maliban lamang sa Sbarro, na matagal-tagal ko na ring official kainan dun. Ngunit dahil sa muling pag-atake ng hypochondriasis... este spasm ng butihing ina ko, nakonsensiya akong huwag kumain dun dahil wala siyang makakaing pwede sa kanya. Sa tamad kong maghanap ng iba pang lugar at dahil ayoko sa Kenny na katapat lang ng Sbarro, sa Wendy's kami kumain.

Isa sa pinakaayoko tuwing pumupunta ako sa mall ay ang makakita ng isang larawan o manifestation ng poverty. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who are not as blessed as some people I know, pero hindi naman ako si Angelina Jolie na kayang ampunin ang lahat ng mga naghihikahos sa mundo. May dapat ba akong gawin? Kailangan ko bang maguilty? I know it sounds pathetic pero minsan di ko mapigilan kundi iwasan na lang ang mga sitwasyong ganun, maybe because of guilt nga siguro. Ewan ko.. Siguro naguilty lang ako dahil ang laki-laki ng size ng kinakain ko, hindi ko na nga rin maubos pati yung mga tira-tira ng nanay kong may hypo... err... spasm. Samantalang heto ang isang mag-ama o maglolo na nagsheshare ng inumin na 1/3 lang nung size ng malatabong inumin na di ko maubos.

Dahil doon, bigla ko tuloy naalala yung pumanaw ko nang tito na siyang tumayo na rin na parang ama ko. Noong bata kasi ako gaya nung mag-ama/maglolong nakita ko sa Wendy's, madalas din kami mamasyal nung tito ko. Naalala ko pa noong halos araw araw eh kumakain kami sa Tropical pagkasundo niya sa kin sa eskwela. Kahit saan ako magyaya, dinadala niya ko. Halos kahit anong ipabili ko, binibigay niya. Kaya bilib ako sa mga lalaking magaling gumanap ng papel bilang ama. Yun talaga ang isang bagay na hahangaan ko habambuhay.

On a lighter note, nang pauwi na kami ng aking butihing ina, laking pasalamat ko sa Diyos at hindi ko nahawakan ang pintuan ng taksi na sinabugan ng suka ng sabog na babaeng huling sumakay roon. Isipin mo na lang ang isang taksi na ang pintuan sa may likod ay may mga tira-tira ng suka na maaari mong sabihin ay inilabas ng isang babae na nasa loob. Instant star nga yung pasaherong babae na may "mahangin ba sa labas?" hairdo na lumalakad nang pagewang-gewang nang lumabas sa kawawang taksi, the girl with matching remains of suka on her blouse and skirt habang tinititigan siya ng lahat ng nakapila sa Megamall. Naintindihan naman kami ng kawawang driver na nasira ang biyahe, na natawa na lang sa amin dahil ayaw naming sumakay ng aking ina. Kawawa nga yung sumalubong na lovely couple sa may kanto ng Megamall at EDSA dahil biglang napahawak yung lalake sa kadiring pintuan.

Bago pa man mangyari ang insidenteng iyon, habang nasa pila pa lang kami. Napagitnaan kami ng isang lola sa likod at isang grupo (fad) ng mga tinedyer. Nakakatawa yung moment na pinagalitan nung lola yung mga teens dahil ayaw pa raw sumakay, nagdadaldalan lang naman; wala sa kaalaman ni lola na may sakay na ang mga taksing nakapila, trapik kasi at madilim yung tint ng mga bintana. Nakakaaliw yung moment na yun, parang eksena sa pelikula - matanda na nagagalit sa kabataan.

Sa loob ng taksi, muli na naman naming pinag-usapan ng aking nanay ang tungkol sa aking pag-aaral. Ayun at muli na namang nagkasisihan dahil bakit daw ba nagComTech ako at di na lang dumeretso sa Comm noong simula (eh ComTech nga ang compromise ko dahil ComSci-related course ang pinapakuha niya sa kin habang Comm talaga gusto ko); at nang banggitin ko na mas gusto ko naman talaga ang course ko sa UP (Film) bakit daw di na lang ako nag-UP (eh siya naman itong pinilit ako na huwag na lang ako mag-UP dahil sa tipikal na reputasyon ng unibersidad) Sa totoo lang, wala akong pagsisisi na nagComTech ako. Siguro kung magsisisi man ako, mas directed sa fact na di ako nagFilm sa UP. Pero ngayon, wala talaga akong pinagsisisihan dahil alam ko na makatuntong lang ako sa Comm, everything will be okay and I will be on top of my league (sana).
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
POP
Some things are funny not because they are, as most of the time they're just simply pathetic. Having said that, may the person/s who introduced to me the song "Pop Goes My Heart" be damned. It won't get out of my head and it has been playing for more than 30 minutes now, looped.
CHRONICLES OF MY INCAPACITY TO STUDY
6 am. I woke up to realize that I don't have a copy of the films to be screened for Psych at all. So much for time management. I then changed my schedule, doing the nitty gritty task of reviewing by book first. Grabbing the book, I soon drop it as again the disorder (For more details see F) manifests. Then I decided to go back to the films and study by Wiki. I now take down notes.

9 am. I had just finished eating breakfast and my first study nap. My second attempt to read from the book failed once more. I tried reviewing using some other person's notes as I realized that mine was better (Hahaha). I am currently trying to map out the rest of the day. I am tempted to go back to bed again.

10 am. After my second nap, I have decided to eat lunch and go to school to study. My bedroom is really the worst place for me to study. Although my dilemma right now is where to study in school. The library could be a good place. I just wish there wouldn't be any type of distraction as I continue my struggle to prepare for this *insert adjective* Psychology test.

11 am. 5 1/2 hours to go before I take the test given by the doctor that wears Prada. I'm about to leave home, away from the disturbances that are my bed and this contraption I'm using to type this. By the time I'll be back, I think I am going to have to watch a bobo film to get over this madness (and yeah, cheer myself up).

12 pm. I had arrived in Ateneo and went straight to the library. Got my notes and started reviewing. Thoughts of attending Com played in my mind. As usual, I was distracted by the many people walking by and by the coldness of the room. Despite this, I continued highlighting and skimming through my resources.

1:30 pm. To the surprise of some people, I arrived in the Com building. As soon as the room was unlocked, I went straight to the back as I decided to continue my work there. The reporters began their presentation as I resumed my doodling and manual googling with the gladness of having saved a cut.

2:30 pm. Com ended as I had to figure out whether or not I will be reviewing alone or with the group. Having sensed an accumulation of people into a bigger group, I decided to seek solitude (To the unfamiliar, it's nothing personal. I'm just not fond of big group discussions. Yes, I'm an introvert.) Despite this, there were two people who came with me; having found seats in the cafeteria, we did our very best to finish the business (bizniz). Also, tempted by the smell, I snacked on one serving of the lovely beef teriyaki.

4:30 pm. I enter the classroom. Test starts. I decided to answer the super objective questions first (identification, enumeration, etc.) before trying the multiple choice and essay types. I finished first and then I went out. A few minutes later, more people went out of the room. I opted to distance myself as I did not want anything to do with their discussions of the test (Again, this isn't anything personal. It's just me.)

I really don't know how I'm supposed to end this. I just want to say that I still have a lot of things to accomplish. The funny thing is that this week being a hell week was my own doing. I've said this before and I want to say it again, I should really learn and master the art of saying no. Perhaps only when I finally accomplish this would I be able to truly claim the realization of growth and maturity, I keep on declaring nowadays.
Monday, March 12, 2007
LILITH
I heart Wikipedia. This article brings a whole new level of depth for 2/30:

The idea that Adam had a wife prior to Eve may have developed from an interpretation of the Book of Genesis; while Genesis 2:22 describes God's creation of Eve from Adam's rib, an earlier passage, 1:27, already indicates that a woman had been made: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." The earliest known reference to Lilith as Adam's first wife is in The Alphabet of Ben-Sira, written sometime between the 8th and 11th centuries and falsely attributed to the sage Ben Sira. The text places Lilith's creation after God's words in Genesis 2:18 that "it is not good for man to be alone". He forms Lilith out of the clay from which he made Adam, but the two bicker. Lilith claims that since she and Adam were created in the same way, they were equal, and she refuses to "lie below" him:

After God created Adam, who was alone, He said, 'It is not good for man to be alone.' He then created a woman for Adam, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, 'I will not lie below,' and he said, 'I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.' Lilith responded, 'We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.' But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air. (In this act, Lilith becomes unique in that she is not touched by "original sin", having left the garden before Eve came into existence. Lilith also reveals herself to be powerful in her own right by knowing the name of God).

Adam stood in prayer before his Creator: 'Sovereign of the universe!' he said, 'the woman you gave me has run away.' At once, the Holy One, blessed be He, sent these three angels Senoy, Sansenoy, and Semangelof, to bring her back. "Said the Holy One to Adam, 'If she agrees to come back, what is made is good. If not, she must permit one hundred of her children to die every day.' The angels left God and pursued Lilith, whom they overtook in the midst of the sea, in the mighty waters wherein the Egyptians were destined to drown. They told her God's word, but she did not wish to return. The angels said, 'We shall drown you in the sea.'

"'Leave me!' she said. 'I was created only to cause sickness to infants. If the infant is male, I have dominion over him for eight days after his birth, and if female, for twenty days.' "When the angels heard Lilith's words, they insisted she go back. But she swore to them by the name of the living and eternal God: 'Whenever I see you or your names or your forms in an amulet, I will have no power over that infant.' She also agreed to have one hundred of her children die every day. Accordingly, every day one hundred demons perish, and for the same reason, we write the angels names on the amulets of young children. When Lilith sees their names, she remembers her oath, and the child recovers."

Lilith then went on to mate with Samael and various other demons she found beside the Red Sea, creating countless lilin.

The background and purpose of The Alphabet of Ben-Sira is unclear. It is a collection of stories about heroes of the Bible and Talmud, it may have been a collection of folk-tales, a refutation of Christian, Karaite, or other separatist movements; its content seems so offensive to contemporary Jews that it was even suggested that it could be an anti-Jewish satire, although, in any case, the text was accepted by the Jewish mystics of medieval Germany.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith

Now you know what to expect. I am actually trying a new thing here. Despite not showing the script, I shall be bombarding you with the story's many influences. As I have declared before, I am not actually fond of explaining my works but through this, I am pretty sure things would be a bit brighter. As far as the theme of the story is concerned, from the title itself I am quite certain that you already know by now that I shall be exposing pictures of reality being distorted.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
FRACTION
Secured na sa utak ko and good to go na ang concept ng upcoming short ko - 2/30 (Hindi na siya isang thought-provoking ambiguous title lamang!). As promised, para siyang pinaghalong elemento ng id. at Oneironauts (artsy na may temang universal) na mukhang 2046 (sabi ko dati parang 2046 dapat ang gusto kong hitsura ng Oneironauts, I'll make another attempt again for this movie naman; this time, I really think I can pull out an imitation in terms of cinematography [which is really what I'm trying to mimic]). And as I have mentioned, this is my most ambitious work yet (as in with an original score... Need I say more?) and most probably my shortest (and most concise a la Before Sunset) short yet. That's all I can say for now. I don't want to raise this thing on a pedestal for I might not be able to live up to it. My only point is that this is really something that can be fully realized.

Also, this time however, I shall not be uploading the script online for public consumption. The script for 2/30 shall be made available to all after its release.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
HEHE
Para sa mga lalaking watching out for an eye candy, I have great news for you. Come next year, makikita niyo na on-campus si Rica_Peralejo (it's in the paper [Inquirer, I think] Haha) as she will be an incoming freshman taking up Creative Writing. Moreover she says on the article how she prioritizes education over showbiz. People are really getting interesting nowadays. So pano ba yan, overcut na si PE para may chance makasama kahit once? Hahaha! I'm kidding.
Friday, March 09, 2007
F
Awhile ago, I was trying to study for that (insert adjective) Japanese History test. But then I got tempted to open my computer, yet again, for the nth time while I was "studying" (I really think I'm up to be diagnosed with a disorder [I don't know why in hell I'm easily distracted nowadays {There was even a moment when I wanted to burn those |insert adjective| handouts}]). Anyway, as I was trying to find a curse in Italian to use as my status message in YM, I encountered this interesting word:

finocchio m. (vulgar) queer, fairy, gay.

And changing "f" to "p" makes it straight? Okay...

Two hours later, after almost tearing and burning the weapons of mass sleep induction, I have finally decided to study via Wikipedia. I am currently still widely awake and interestingly excited with what I am doing. I should have thought of this earlier.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
SPIRAL
Lottery.
The possibilities are endless. Deciding which is more important is mind wrenching. What I want is a different story. The same goes for what is best. And so is for what is safest. Why must a person think of so much things?

Liberty.
How can one endure? Free will is torture. Dictatorship is a necessary evil. The human mind is evil. Innate also it is in one's spirit. Equilibrium must be attained. Otherwise, obliteration is at hand. It's pathetic to let all this turn into oblivion.

Law.
Time is a prick. If only I can stretch time and turn the tide. Only if I can peek through the future. No longer will I suffer. The echoes shall stop resounding. Success secured. Risks avoided. No longer wishing turning back time.

Love.
I want to be with you. Do you do too? I hate it when I miss you badly. I hate even the simple act of thinking about you. Where are you? Talk to me. I want to hear the sound of your voice. Please, before the sound vanishes. Never returning anymore.
Monday, March 05, 2007
PRIDE
I want to tell you something but I don't have the courage to do so.
SUSON-SUSON
Ngayon ko lamang natiyak ang katotohanang ang mga kilalang sinaunang (antigong) gusali rito sa Asya ay suson-suson. Mula sa Angkor Wat ng Cambodia, Forbidden City ng China at Borobudur ng Indonesia ay talaga namang patong-patong ang mga paliit nang paliit na mga palapag - isang pagpapatunay sa malakas na pag-igting ng kapangyarihan ng indianisasyon, sa kabila ng mga makakanlurang impluwensiya. Bilang taga-Asya at panatiko ng sining, susubukin kong ipairal din ang ganitong klase ng pag-iisip/paniniwala sa susunod kong proyekto; bilang pagpupugay na rin sa napakaganda at naisasantabing kultura ng silangan.
PILOSOPO
Maraming taong nahahayok ngayon manood ng mga seryeng pantelebisyon ng isang bagsakan (o minsan paputol-putol din; pero ang punto, mahaba-habang panahon pa rin ang ginugugol). Nangangahulugan ba itong kailangan na ring gumawa ng mga pelikulang kasinghaba ng pinagsama-samang anim na kabanata ng Star Wars? Handa na ba ang mga manonood sa mga gaya ng eksperimental na pelikulang The Cure for Insomnia, ang pinakamahabang pelikula sa kasaysayan na 5220 ang haba? Papatulan kaya ito ng manonood? O sasabihin mo na namang depende sa uri ng pelikula? Malamang sa malamang, baka isang bobong pelikula lamang ang magtagumpay rito. Paano na ang mga malalim at makabuluhan sa kabila ng nakaantok na mga pelikula? Nakatatawa na nakaiiyak.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
PENDING
Before this alleged writer's block takes its toll on me, I would like to save these ideas before they dissolve completely. Here are the things I should/want to write about (as soon as I recover):

1. A poet obsessed with a girl (who is already taken) becomes psychotic. Keywords: Godard, idyllic, plotless, centered on poem, Wong Kar Wai

2. A painter kills his own mentor to create his masterpiece. Keywords: A Clockwork Orange, American Beauty, Sunset Blvd., costume, period

3. A locally-rooted mafia/gangster thriller parody. Keywords: satire, film noir, Martin Scorsese, The Departed, Big Time

4. A Chinese boy returns to his homeland. Keywords: Street Fighter, Chun Li actress, documentary style, dramatic, Babel

5. A film entitled 2/30. Keywords: Vanilla Sky, Eyes Wide Shut, Musica Ricerata II, id., "Anhedonia"

At the rate at which I'm going now, I don't really care if other people see this. Besides, you can call me conceited but I don't really think people could get anything ripe from all these concepts. And yes, the first, fourth and fifth concepts are already reserved; the first and fourth are for two friends while the fifth one shall be my next project (which shall serve as a fusion of the brain of id. and the heart of Oneironauts; overrated too early? Maybe... Maybe not.) Therefore, the only available concepts (and screenplays, upon request) for interested freaks, who are crazy enough to trust me to give them a story, are the second and third.
WHAT GOES AROUND... COMES AROUND
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THREE
I
miss
you.
The Stranger

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