MEIN FUHRER

Personally, I consider the New Year as one of the most pointless celebrations in wordly traditions. I don't know, I just don't get it. I don't like the noise. I don't care if it's there's a brand new year coming. Everything would eventually stay the same. Changes come and go regardless of time. It's not as if we're gonna be in a brand new world when the clock strikes at twelve. I really don't get it at all. However (in Simon Cowell fashion), walking after the mass made me realize how happy the people around me were - problems resolved, people getting back together, people meeting other people and all of those things. It's as if everyone, except for myself (as usual; well, I'm not really the kind of person who is happy all the time) is happy. And for that sole reason alone, I will say cheers for a Happy New Year.

7 BEFORE 07

It was in the early years of this decade when I realized my hidden passion for film (filmmaking eventually). And right before another year starts, I just want to enumerate the films that have mostly affected me (why? Well, because I want to.) The movies which I am about to reveal have had me struck a personal attachment to each of them; these are the films which have one way or another influenced my way of thinking after having seen them. Yes, these are by far my favorite films of this decade (emphasis on the word favorite; these are not the films which I consider the best, however I shall also be providing a grade after each film just so you know for artistic merit and that shit; let me also note that other films could have also made this list, however I mercilessly omitted right away the films which I slept on [accidentally or not; well, that's life.]) Without further ado, let me put on my Ebert mask and present to you my Top 7 films before 2007!

Honorable Mention: Angels in America (2003)
Had this miniseries been released as a film, it would have gone as far as #2 or even #1 but this is another story which we can talk about another day.

7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
"Would you erase me?" A film that talks about the possibility of erasing the person you once loved, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has one of the most interesting screenplays I have ever read. Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman gives us this funny yet striking story about Joel and Clementine, which were wonderfully brought to life by Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet respectively. The film is also visually stimulating with the scenes taking place in Joel's head; thrilling as the characers save memories from being erased. Truly a must see for all hopeless romantics and people who love to see a great script come to life. Kram's verdict: A-

6. Cidade de Deus (2002)
Cidade de Deus or City of God is an action-packed film that gives us a picture of humanity inside a place that is heavily surrounded by crime and poverty. Director Fernando Meirelles takes us to City of God by introducing us to the wide array of characters that inhabit the place that was supposed to be a housing project in Brazil which was never really prioritized by its government. His semi-documentary style, the handheld camera and the voiceover truly secures the audience a connection with the different characters such as Rocket. A film for anyone who believes in hope in spite of the harshness of reality. Kram's verdict: A

5. A Scanner Darkly (2006)
Based on Philip K. Dick's novel, A Scanner Darkly is reminiscent of the times of President Nixon's reign where people were closely being watched by the government. Through rotoscoping, Richard Linklater was able to breathe so much life into the film as he also stayed very faithful to Dick's narrative. The film is very visually rich and boasts colorful characters well-executed most especially by Robert Downey Jr, Woody Harrelson and Rory Cochrane. It lacks heart (meaning it could have gone farther in this list) but the film's originality and style are impeccable. The best animated film I have seen in modern times, the film truly deserves an Oscar. However because of its themes, the film would be greatly appreciated by a very mature audience. Kram's verdict: A

4. Crash (2005)
Racial drama Crash defines ensemble casting. With great performances from Matt Dillon, Thandie Newton and Terrence Howard to mention a few, it is one of the most well-acted films in recent years. With Paul Haggis helming and writing the film, the audience is indeed assured of a quality and touching film. People who have seen the film will never forget the scene where Christine (Thandie Newton), who was trapped inside a car being rescued by Officer Ryan (Matt Dillon), the officer who had violated her earlier. Truly moving, the film's theme resonates loudly. A film for people who dare to be moved. Kram's verdict: A

3. 2046 (2005)
Wong Kar Wai's 2046 is a beautiful yet melancholic portrait of a writer's incapacity to love. The film is visually stunning as it is shot in anamorphic lenses. The play of colors, even the ambiance of smoke from cigarettes also gives the film its emotional atmosphere. With riveting performances from Tony Leung, Zhang Ziyi, Maggie Cheung and Takuya Kimura the audience is bound to be enthralled by the wonderful script of Wong Kar Wai brought to life by these characters. An art film that has art written in big and bold letters, 2046 can be highly appreciated by an open-minded crowd and fans of art and foreign films. Kram's verdict: A

(Here comes the hard part...)

2. Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001)
"You have to make the clitoris your best friend", Luisa tells one of the boys. Y Tu Mama Tambien is the best coming of age film I have ever seen. Perhaps it shall be more popularly known as the teen flick filled with lots of sex scenes, however one should never disregard or fail to see and feel the heart and soul of the film as it is beautifully presented by its great director Alfonso Cuaron. As it progresses, we discover the film's depth, how it speaks about life and death. Undoubtedly Maribel Verdu as Luisa is the insight of the film. Her character teaches the boys the sacredness of the act of making love that it is shared by two people; not just one benefitting from the other. I highly recommend this film to a very mature audience who can read between the lines and see beyond what can be seen onscreen. Kram's verdict: A+

(Well, you might have guessed it right.)

1. Before Sunset (2004)
Before anything else, if you've been an avid reader of my blog, I dare you to count the many references I have made to Before Sunset in all the months I have written here. They're a lot right? It just goes to show how brilliant and intelligent the film is; I can't stop talking about it each time the opportunity comes. But seriously, when does an art film get a sequel? It's the first time in history! And it's not even economically driven, Before Sunrise didn't sell as big as the first films from the (never ending) Die Hard and Terminator franchises. Now how can that be? In simple words, let me just say that Richard Linklater wanted to tell a story. In Before Sunrise he showed a picture of a young couple who had raw ideas, the peculiarity of youth and they had to separate; not leaving any kind of details because they thought it was childish and stupid. Years later, they accidentally met and they realize the great impact in their lives of their parting and the fact that they never saw each other until that day again. They had to make a choice; their own realities were at stake. What is interesting in the film is the style of how their reunion was presented. It was as if we were watching the two in real time as only a few hours were left before Jesse's plane leaves. We followed them through wherever they go and we hear everything they say. For me, it was not at all boring as every word they speak gives so much detail of how they were affected by one another since the first time they met. And this is made to appear as real as possible by the brilliant performances of Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, who in fact co-wrote the screenplay with Linklater. In the end, when one expects all questions to be answered, we never actually reach a conclusion as we encounter another open ending; and that makes the film beautiful as we are given an opportunity to put our own ideals and beliefs to the test. Clearly, this film is not at all for people who are avid viewers of commercial and visually stimulating films; it is an intelligent film that requires an intelligent and mature audience or plainly, someone who can appreciate art and listen to a good conversation. As Mr. Ricky Lee had taught me, what you see onscreen is merely 40% of the film, the rest can be found in the underlying themes beneath the sights and sounds; inevitably, Before Sunset has the full 100%. Kram's verdict: A+

WENT

Okay my vague 5-minute flick is slowly starting to take some form. I have this idea - remember Maureen and Joanne from Rent; Maureen dumping Mark for Joanne Well, I want to dig into that since we weren't really able to see how that really took place. So here's my concept - we have a heterosexual couple and the guy is about the propose to the girl; however, the girl interrupts to tell the guy that she is dumping him for, well you guessed it right... another woman. I'm seeing the guy's reaction as a combination of Shaun's (from Shaun of the Dead) and Dan's (from Closer) Weird? Well, this is supposed to be a comedy (and as of now, I do have an idea of the perfect guy who could play the role smoothly). I'm not sure how to end this and make everything clear within just 5 minutes but after watching Dot the I, I'm sort of inspired to do a one continuous shoot of the entire thing and after the guy leaves, the girl talks to the camera; thus, revealing that there is someone else in the room and the entire girl-breaking-up-with-the-guy thing is just a cover-up for their secret relationship. (Well, what do you know, you've just been spoiled! Haha.) Well, I'm not actually sure if this is what I'm gonna do. I still want to pursue my frustration of making something like Shaun of the Dead (without the zombies of course) and at the same time make something that could be relevant as much as possible. Well, I don't know. I guess after two quite serious topics I've dealt with (identity and relationships) I think it's about time for me to just have some kick ass fun.

PS: Oh and yeah, I'm open for collaboration with this thing (perhaps with someone who is familiar and is a fan of Bill Murray). Stupid goofball ideas shall be mercilessly rejected. :P

REELY

While walking along the street I heard an alarm clock ringing and it sounded exactly as the one I used in my short.

CHAROLASTRAS!

La vida tiene sus maneras de enseñarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de confundirnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de cambiarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de asombrarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de herirnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de curarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de inspirarnos.

Okay kill me. Ngayon ko lang napanood ang Y Tu Mama Tambien. :| And holy freaking cow! It's arguably the best film I've seen in recent years (saying in recent years, I mean films released after I was born). But seriously, the film's depth keeps on unveiling as the film progresses. To hell! I almost drowned in the last scene! Don't get me wrong; it's not at all about the sex, nudity and all that. Seriously, if you've seen the film; go see it again. God. It's effing brilliant! I can't even speak straight right now. There's more to it than the mythical sex film it's being dubbed all over - it's so much more than that. It speaks so much about life and it is indeed beautiful. It's brilliant I am telling you! So if you've been living under a rock like I had been, go get a copy of this film and watch it! Ewan ko lang ah, pero sa kin sapul talaga eh...

Life has its way of teaching us. Life has its way of confusing us. Life has its way of changing us. Life has its way of astonishing us. Life has its way of hurting us. Life has its way of curing us. Life has its way of inspiring us.

I am inspired indeed...

Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.

JE T'AIME, JE T'AIME

Reading Gates of Eden + Fantasizing Paris Je T'aime + Commemorating Before Sunset + Loving The Follow + Wanting to write again + Outdoing myself - Pressures of Editing = A brand new 5-minute short film in the works :)

On second thought, I think I'm pretty much done talking about the peculiar subject that is love for now so perhaps you could expect something like this...


Or even something as crazy as this...


Paris, Je T'aime. Je t'aime beaucoup. :P

TO READ

I am on a pursuit of knowledge slash inspiration. I won't be going online for quite some time for I want to try to break the habit of myself hating the task of reading. I will find my comfortable place somewhere here and read the bazillions of books I have long bought through the years which I have never touched (or perhaps just read the first page or so [what a floozy!]) while listening to Radiohead, Jon Brion and Damien Rice. After finishing 10 books (alright, let's be realistic... 5! [Hahaha!]) I shall reward myself with a marathon of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Closer, Lost in Translation, Broken Flowers, Vanilla Sky, Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. As of now, the targets are Little Children (I have to say, Kate Winslet is emerging as one of my favorite actresses [wait, we're talking about literature here, not movie adaptations {I'm turning Gollum here! Oh and yes, Little Children's my darkhorse Oscar bet this year.}]), The English Patient, Breakfast on Pluto, A Scanner Darkly (Oh wait, I think I'll read this after seeing the film), Death in Venice, Specimen Days and just now, I am on my way in finishing Ethan Coen's first book Gates of Eden (which I bought on bargain by the way [used to sell for P595 but I got it only for P150 [Christmas sales are sa-weet!]) Oh and yes... This will play a vital role in the creation of my next screenplay cum short story.

AMAZING SOUNDS OF ORGY

Today I got serenaded by nuns, got a matinee idol of the 90's hairdo, watched Rent once again, had dinner with friends, took photos of my relatives as they ate and had them watch my two shorts. Let me focus on the last one. I can now therefore conclude that everybody (well, not exactly; perhaps the majority) hates id. Well it's nothing like Spiderman for sure. I don't know, after they watched it, I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were in some sort of way, ticked off either by the boredom created by the slow pacing or they just plainly didn't like it. Onto the more exciting part - when I started the day, I knew I didn't want anyone else to see Oneironauts just yet; after all, it's still a mess. However, I don't know, some force just made me make them see it; and that's what I did. And as soon as Jon Brion started singing Strings That Tie To You, I was just surprised to hear the words I wasn't really expecting for now - "maganda". Heavy praises are attributed to the actors (Kay especially). They got the twist and the burning question in the end - which is good. Perhaps right now, I don't know, I might have dug my own grave (after having said all these) if this flops. Well, I'm just relaying information. What's amazing is that when I was watching it with them - there was this sense of pride that made me say to myself "Hey, I made this film." I was proud and happy. Only a few adjustments are needed and I can really make this one good (if not great). And what do you know, I didn't even needed to put the animation sequences to impress. I'm just happy right now so pardon the arrogance if there is a hint of it. From id. to Oneironauts. Goodbye course, hello filmmaking. The only question that remains for now is am I welcome? That I still have to see.But as Kay would say, "Right now, I just wanna be happy".

A _____ YEAR

Welcome to candid camera. Another 365 days have gone and passed. Great things have happened while here are those that just made the year suck. Today, however, I'll focus on the great things. Here are the 10 best moments of my life as a psychotic 18-year old (in random order [well, sort of]):

Computer-less
Not having a computer just sucks and this happened to me for almost 3 weeks this year. However, there was this one night when God realized how lonely I was, having someone text me in the middle of the night. I can't really elaborate on what we talked about (due to my anonymity rule, which I must strictly impose here [for reasons I don't know]) that made it special but all I can say is that the conversation I had during that moment was memorable indeed.

Shooting Oneironauts
I have spent the past few days shooting my 2nd short film (this is based on A.I. [as in after id.]) and it was a blast. I would like to thank the cast and crew for the fun end enjoyable moments; for the professionalism and the greatness. I am still having a great dilemma in editing but having seen all scenes just affirms the fact that it was a great shoot.

Watching 2046
I have never been a fan of Asian films. However, seeing this movie made me think otherwise. It was a very beautiful film in stunning anamorphic glory. The story was brilliant and the actors superb. What more can I ask for? Cheers to Wong Kar Wai, the captivating Zhang Ziyi, the train scenes and the black and white scene. I might take back my statement of Crash being my film of the year last year; 2046 (it was released last year) is beautiful - never seen anything like it before.

The Pink Camera
Surprise suprise! Mark gets a pink camera for no apparent reason. The day I got this was also the day an illusion turned real; and yes, the day my one-time-shit theory exploded. I have a funny feeling the person who gave me this is laughing right now; well, I could be wrong. :P

Seeing Annie Hall in Philippine Soil
Yahoo could imagine how much I wanted to get a copy of Annie Hall as I always kept on telling my relatives abroad to give me one. This became futile when I saw a copy on Megamall; the same place where I got 2001: A Space Odyssey, Blowup, Dr. Strangelove and 2046. Hooray for Megamall.

Getting Citizen Kane
Like Annie Hall, I have long dreamed of getting this director's must-see film. This wish was granted as my cousin found out my struggles with amateur filmmaking. It's one of my most treasured films in my DVD collection; not to mention being part of my not for rent list.

Receiving the big Stanley Kubrick book
I'm not really optimistic about getting gifts for Christmas because I imagine the many underwears, socks and oversized shirts I've gotten for the past 18 years. This would then be broken by an unexpected gift from a good friend. Yes, thank you once again.

Onto the more serious moments that affected my pathetic life. You might think I'm just plainly materialistic; well, you may be right but I'd rather prefer the term shallow, thank you. Hahaha. :P

Scriptwriting Talk with Mr. Ricky Lee
This was the moment where I knew that I just gotta get out of my course. Of course, it was a privilege to have attended a 'class' that featured Philippine legend Ricky Lee. From that moment on, I knew what I really wanted to do and it's not really much about filmmaking, it's really more about writing. Interesting.

Winning Best Script for id.
This is clearly one of THE most unexpected and genuinely happy moments I've had in my entire f*cking life. I was really not expecting to take anything home that night. The production of id. was a nightmare and having something like this just proves its worth. Of course, this serves as an assurance of my last statement in the previous moment.

Secret
Two words: Before Sunrise. Perhaps the people I talked to during one fine Sunday during the latter part of this year would know what exactly I am talking about. It was the time when I acted very very funny (not humorous but funny; as in funny [this is like Nooni]) thanks to a very very funny (again not humorous but funny) incident that happened earlier that night (I'm referring to midnight and the earlier parts of the day here) I can't really elaborate much on this but I'm telling you, during that moment. I was happy. Very very happy.

MUSH

I had just finished editing my new short film minus the animation parts (now demoted to classic black and white). As the rabid critic that I am, in the light of objectivity, I have to say that it is a big pile of mush (I don't know if that's bad or good though). Having said that, I need another pair of eyes. I need another editor - a good one please. Interested people may email skttrbrain4tet@gmail.com Thank you.

Update: I had my mom watch it for the first time and she said she was kind of blown away. I think that's a good sign. At least now I know the commercial aspect (the mushiness, that is) didn't overpower the experimental nature of the story.

GROW OLD WITH YOU

Right after the mass I saw an old couple walking along the road as they held hands. It was a beautiful and romantic sight to see. I wanted to take a photo of them but I didn't. I was too captivated thinking about their love for one another. I realized that if that is love and I could expect something like that when I and whoever I am with at that time, then I'd like to experience it. It's something worth looking forward to. I don't know if this is a long term thing but as of now, yes, I do want to feel that when I get old.

Merry Christmas.

HAPPY

Kay and Jesse. Isang eksena mula sa Oneironauts. (Pinaglaruan nang kaunti ang imahe.)

Malapit nang matapos ang araw na pinakahihintay ko. Bagamat hindi ko natapos ang mga gawaing itinakda ko, masaya pa rin ako sa mga nagawa ko ngayong araw na to. Karamihan dito ay nakamit ko sa tulong ng mga paborito kong mga tao ngayon (mamaya ko na kayo pasasalamatan nang isa-isa kapag natapos na natin ang lahat, pero sasabihin ko na rin ngayon na maraming maraming salamat sa tulong at suporta; isang eksena na lang - it's a wrap na!) Hindi ko pa masasabi kung ito na nga ang pinakamaganda kong nagawa sa ngayon pero para sa akin, ito talaga yung paborito ko. Kung malapit kayo sa akin, siguro alam niyo na rin kung bakit (pero ngayon ko na rin sasabihin, kung nais niyong malaman ang totoong kahulugan ng pelikula - hindi talaga to maganda; lalo na para sa mga sawi sa pag-ibig na umaasang pag-ibig; hayaan niyo, pag napanood niyo at tinutukan niyo nang maigi ang tunay na kuwento, malalaman niyo rin ang sinasabi ko.) Kabaligtaran sa nangyari sa nakaraan kong paggawa ng pelikula ang nararamdaman ko ngayon - wala talagang bahid ng inis o lungkot; lahat masaya lalo na kapag ang mga katrabaho ay mayroong napakalakas na pakiramdam ng kagalakan sa kanilang trabaho. Isang eksena na lang. Isang eksena na lang. Kaya natin to. Chocolate Kiss uli! (Ay ewan pala, nilayasan na ko ni Ninoy pati nina Jose Abad Santos. Titignan pa kung may laman si Babe. Hahaha.)

PS:
Maraming salamat din nga pala sa lugar kung saan kami nakisaksak nang naubos ang baterya ng camera.

SKTTRBRAIN

I just woke up from yet another weird dream. The first part involved perhaps a foreshadowing of what is to happen today - the supposed final shooting of my 3rd short (or perhaps 1st A.I. [after id.]) as I think I remember seeing the actor and my production partners in the film there. However, at some point in time, I don't know how it came about but I was suddenly watching a live shooting of an animated film. Yes I think I remember seeing animated people move and go about. It was Keanu Reeves and a girl (who may either be the real actress I'm working with right now or Winona Ryder [who is in fact the former's co-star in A Scanner Darkly, the film which I think I am watching, which I realized just now that it isn't because I don't think that film had any romance in its theme; it was more like my perception of the film that would succeed Before Sunset only more... I don't know, thrilling - just like my work {Gobi for instance and my other film noir ideas locked up in my head}? {so in fact, my analysis that I could probably be involved in the actual shooting might actually have a sense of truth}] I don't know) who in the last scene were sitting in perhaps a dining room of a small unit and then a man who is stealthed, looking like an exposed picture, appears and gets a gun then shoots Keanu and then the girl. After that I felt a combination of shock and depression for artistic reasons I have yet to reflect on. Soon after that I woke up to see my actress asking me to wake her up in case her alarm clock fails to do so.

What a beautiful way to begin my day. This day has indeed been the most anticipated day for me this year. I am hoping to accomplish everything I had established in reality and in my head. Otherwise, I might have to get myself a revolver and shoot myself or get another person's girl and let the guy shoot me or better yet, just pray that I die like Gandhi - have an assassin shoot me three times whilst I whisper the words "I am a filmmaker" (in Indian accent of course [like Apu!]). I am psyched to finish production and thanks to my dream, start writing another one.

INCONSISTENCIES

Sabi ng isang doktor masyado raw akong goal-oriented na kailangan ko raw ipakita ang more 'human' side ng aking persona. Naaalala ko minsan may nagsabi rin sa akin na masyado naman daw akong madrama. Gusto niyo pa ng isang nakalilitong sitwasyon? Sa klaseng kinabibilangan ko, kilala ako bilang isa sa mga pinaka-loud samantalang sa organisasyon ko sa kabilang mundo, nakuha pa akong pangalanan bilang ang taong may pinakakaunting salitang winika. Conflicting ba? Ang masasabi ko lang dyan, may panahon para sa iba't ibang ugali. Depende na lang siguro kung sino ang kasama ko at ano ang nararamdaman ko, kung ano ang magiging pakikitungo ko. Pero don't get me wrong, hindi yun hypocrisy. Marahil may kaunting pagsuot ng maskara pero overall, isa lamang itong pagtatantya; kumbaga, chinecheck ko pa ang temperatura ng tubig. May mga bahaging nakaakma na ang tamang lamig kung kaya nakakikilos na ako nang maayos habang mayroon ding mga bahaging di pa ako gaano sanay. Pero paminsan minsan, hindi ba't mas masarap ang pakiramdam kung nakalutang ka lang sa tubig nang walang kamalay malay sa paligid hangga't alam mong buhay ka pa, payapa ka, aanod ka na lang, saan ka man dalhin ng tubig.

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung ano na naman itong mga pinagsasabi ko. Gusto ko lang magpatuloy nang magpatuloy sa pagsasalita. Parang agos na walang tigil na umaanod. Mataas nga siguro ang current sa gabing ito. Ang buwan at ang mga bituin, patuloy akong kinukulit. Ayaw tumigil. Mawawala't lilitaw. Napakamapaglaro. Patuloy na nanunukso. Wala namang saysay. Wala nga ba?

Pasensya na mambabasa, ulo ko'y nabasag na naman muli. Gusto ko na lang managinip. Hayaang maglakbay ang aking kaluluwa. Lulutang lutang sa himpapawid. Maglalakbay sa kung saan mang paroroonan. Sana ganun na lang kasimple ang buhay. Pano nga kung ang lahat ng ito ay isa lamang na napakatinding lucid dream? Sa aking paggising, ano kaya ang aking masisilayan?

HERE I COM! (PUN INTENDED)

I think I just thought of my thesis proposal for 4th year.

SING ME TO SLEEP

The song Unplayed Piano by Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan is my if not, one of my favorite songs of all time. It's one of those songs that gives a beautiful picture whenever I hear it - a couple chasing each other under the bright sun; then later on they stumble and tickle one another as they lie on the grass, laughing and just being in the moment; then they just stop and stare at each other, a bit later on they burst out laughing; they're just being in the moment. Being in the moment, it's one of the most beautiful experiences one would ever have in life.

Come and see me

Sing me to sleep
Come and free me
Hold me if I need to weep
Maybe it's not the season
Maybe it's not the year
Maybe there's no good reason
Why I'm locked up inside
Just cause they wanna hide me
The moon goes bright
The darker they make my night

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed piano
Still holds a tune
Lock on the lid
In a stale, stale room
Maybe it's not that easy
Or maybe it's not that hard
Maybe they could release me
Let the people decide
I've got nothing to hide
I've done nothing wrong
So why have I been here so long?

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed piano
Still holds a tune
Years pass by
In the changing of the moon

ANIMATE ME

Sometimes it just feels so good being all alone. It's that one thing I'll never be tired of doing. Isn't it ironic? The truth is that I've probably established in my head the possibility of living alone one day; and I'm really fine with that. I don't know; maybe I'm not really good at maintaining relationships. Maybe that's the reason why I believe in stories like that of Jesse and Celine's. Maybe that's the reason why I created Oneironauts. Maybe that's the reason why I am into animation nowadays. There's only that certain sense of longing. However, no expectations exist - I just love the prospects.

Whether I've found what I'm looking for or not (actually I don't even know if I am looking for something or not; or if I am, I don't know what it is) I'm just gonna keep on living this thing - this life, if it does indeed deserve to be called as one.

DUDE, WHERE'S MY ID?

For some apparent reason, it appears that there exists another person who I share the same name with. So much for my bitterness with the American actor Mark Pellegrino. Well, I never actually thought of a person having the same name as I do; maybe that explains the dozens of Friendster friend requests I've been receiving lately.

Kung iisipin mo nakakatawa talaga eh no? Kung sakaling sumikat yan, pwedeng magamit yung mga info sa kin para sa kung anumang masamang kaugalian sa industriya; kung tutuusin bago lumantad yan paghinanap mo yung pangalan ko sa Google na may mga panipit, puro sa kin talaga yung mga lumalabas na impormasyon tapos ngayon may kahati na; mukhang mahihirapan na akong magtrack ng mga anomalies tungkol sa kin. Baka nga di magtagal may makuha na ako kaagad na mga hate mail na nagsasaad na isa akong impostor! Pero ayos lang, kilala ko naman kung sino ako at wala nang makapagbabago nun.

Pero as of now, I think it would be a good idea to change my name in Friendster. Hahaha. Parang di ata magandang makatanggap ng mga testi na di naman talaga para sa kin. So much for identity. Kung sa bagay, si Michael J. Fox nga eh, ang tunay na pangalan talaga nun eh Michael Douglas.

BELIZE

Belize: You know what your problem is, Louis? Your problem is that you are so full of piping hot crap that the mention of your name draws flies. Just to set the record straight: I love Prior but was never in love with him. I have a man, uptown, and have since long before I first laid my eyes on the sorry-ass sight of you. But you didn’t know cause you never bothered to ask. Up in the air, just like that angel, too far off the earth to pick out the details. Louis and his big ideas. Big ideas are all you love. America is what Louis loves. Well I hate America, Louis. I hate this country. It's just big ideas, and stories, and people dying, and people like you. The white cracker who wrote the national anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word 'free' to a note so high nobody can reach it. That was deliberate. Nothing on earth sounds less like freedom to me. You come to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean. I live in America, Louis, that's hard enough, I don't have to love it. You do that. Everybody's got to love something.

SILENT NIGHT

For some strange reason, naisipan kong silipin muli after a long time ang mga larawan niya ngayon. Suddenly, bigla kong naalala yung isang moment na yun kung saan nalaman kong minahal din pala niya ako. It made me think - ano nga ba uli ang dahilan why it never worked? Ah ayun... Iniwasan niya ako. For reasons still unknown up to this moment she decided to tell that and never show her face nor even utter a single fucking letter for crying out loud. Malungkot, maaaring noon; ngayon who cares? When I think about it now, mabuti nang ganun ang nangyari. Siguro a year and some months ago, pinagsisisihan ko pa rin siguro at ikinagagalit kung bakit naudlot yun when everything was almost set. Pero gaya nga ng nangyayari sa pelikula - the girl never showed up. Alam mo kung bakit ko sinasabi 'to? Kasi ngayon masasabi ko na nang buong tapang na I have indeed moved on. Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi andyan ka. Pasensya na pero I couldn't offer any other better explanation than that. Gusto ko lang na malaman mo.

PAPEL

May kopya na ako ng curriculum ng Com. Mukha siyang masaya. Sa kabilang dako, may lalong gumulo ng isip ko. Kakatapos ko pa lang kausapin yung guidance counselor, mukhang mapapabalik ako kagad uli.

Bagong pag-iisipan: Dahil sa aking anti-social nature, ano kaya hitsura ko kung wala akong kasabay kumain kapag break? Kaya sa lahat ng mga may malasakit dyan, pag nakita niyo akong mag-isa sa sec walk o kaya sa caf lapitan niyo na lang ako. Hahaha. Kaawa-awang nilalang. Sa kabilang dako, hello savings, hello money. Hahaha.

ONE LINER

Sa aking pag-uwi nakita ko yung dati kong crush noong preschool pa lang ako ngunit bago pa man ako nakaisip ng kung ano bigla akong napatingin sa likod at nakita ko ang pangalan mo.

GANESH OF CHAIN LETTERS

Isang malabong kaisipan muli sponsored by the hemispheres of my brain.

Early this morning, for the bazillionth time, may natanggap na naman akong chain letter this time through email. Ang nagsend ng naturang mail ay isang lalaking itago na lang natin sa ngalang rickylo@domain. Dahil dito, bigla tuloy akong napaisip. Pano kaya kung may mga taong naniniwala talaga sa mga ganitong klase ng 'paniniwala'? As in yung tipong gagawin talaga ang lahat para masend kasi feel niya kapag di niya nasend mangyayari yung anumang sumpa dun sa chain letter. Tapos coincidentally pagkasend na pagkasend niya nangyari yung anumang biyaya na nakalagay sa chain letter. Kung sa gayon, sufficient na kaya ang paniniwalang ito para makabuo siya ng relihiyon? Kung sa gayon, sino kaya ang sasambahin nila - yung sulat mismo o magkakaroon ng isang propeta o di kaya magmamanifest ang isang Ganesh ng chain letters?

PAANO KO SASABIHIN?

Heto na naman ang isang hilaw na konsepto. Tungkol ito sa isang napakakontrobersyal na paksa (para sa manunulat) - ang usaping pag-ibig. Magulo pa ang mga argumento pero susubukin kong ipaliwanag sa abot ng aking makakaya. Hindi ko sigurado kung narinig na ito sa kung anumang uri ng media pero napaisip lang ako - paano nga ba maghayag ng pag-ibig? Ano ang kailangang sabihin o gawin?

Sa usapin ng paglalahad ng pagmamahal, pag-isipan mo ito - kung tutuusin tila napakadali lamang namang sabihin ng mga salitang 'mahal kita' sapagkat marami kang paraan para sabihin ito. Kung isa ka naman sa mga sawang sawa na sa konseptong ito, sasabihin mong mas makabubuti kung ipaparamdam mo sa taong minamahal mo ang anumang iyong tunay na nararamdaman na siyang naipamamalas sa mga gawaing pagbibigay ng mga regalo o di kaya pagiging malapit, maalalahanin at mapanuyo na kung tutuusin ay di rin naman ganun kahirap. Paano mo ngayon maipapakita at magagawan ng konkretong manipestasyon ang mga kasabihang paulit-ulit na ginagamit ng mga manunuyo sa kanilang mga niligawan na tila nagbabago na rin kasabay ng paglipas ng panahon? Sa kabilang dako, pano mo maipapakita na sagad sa iyong kaluluwa ang mga kilos na iyong ipinararamdam sa taong minamahal mo (Halimbawa: Ang kaibahan ng pagbigay ng isang mayamang konyo ng isang kahon ng mamahalin Ferrero sa pagregalo ng isang normal na tao ng isang pirasong rosas; ngunit sasabihin ko rin sa iyo na kahit sa ganitong kundisyon ay mayroon pa ring nakapipigil o nakababawas ng tunay na pakiramdam sapagkat alam nating ito na ang nakasanayan; alam natin kung ano ang pagkakaiba, ang timbang.)

Halos sa lahat na lang ng mga palabas at pelikula, pag-ibig ang pinapaksa. At sa napakaraming imaheng ipinapakita, paulit-ulit nating naririnig ang mga walang sawang linyang paulit-ulit na isinasambit ng lalaking manunuyo sa kanyang iniirog. Hindi ko talaga lubos maintindihan kung paano nagkakaroon ng epekto ang mga ito datapwat alam nating ito na ang nakasanayan; alam na ng mga kalalakihan kung ano ang mga dapat sabihin; ang mga circumstance kung saan nila maaaring maipakita ang kanilang 'nararamdaman'. Dahil sa paulit-uli na mga imaheng ito di ko mapigilang di isipin na di talaga pag-ibig ang dahilan ng mga panunuyong ito. Dahil alam na ng lalaki kung paano suyuin ang babae, di kaya ginagamit lamang niya ang mga nakagawian na o ang mga alam na paraan upang makuha ang kanilang kagustuhan - hindi ang pag-ibig kung hindi ang babae mismo na sa salita ng mga iba ay nagsisilbi lamang na tropeyo ng mga makasarili? Hindi kaya ito ang dahilan kung bakit maraming mga mag-asawa ngayon ang naghihiwalay? Hindi sa isinusulong ko na lalong pahirapan ng mga kababaihan ang mga lalaki sa kanilang panunuyo pero isipin mo ito - kaya ka nga sinusuyo upang mapatunayan nila ang kanilang mga sarili; paano nila mapapatunayan ang kanilang sarili kung gagamitin lamang nila ang mga estilong nagamit na noong unang panahon (di ko sinasabing parehong-pareho pero hindi ba't halos magkahawig lamang?; nag-evolve lang sa paglipas ng panahon [syempre sa panahon ngayon saan ka naman makakarinig sa Maynila ng lalaking magsasambit ng mga wikang 'iniirog kita'?]) di ba't di kaaya-ayang isipin na sinagot mo lamang siya dahil alam niya ang mga dapat gawin na di kaagad nangangahulugan na ito talaga ang kanyang nararamdaman (ano naman kung sabihin kita ng 'I love you' eh halos lahat naman ng tao sinasabi yun; wag ding gawing dahilan ang paraan ng pagsabi dahil tila sa panahon ngayon isa nang talento ng lahat ng mga tao ang pambobola)?

Dahil sa konseptong ito (bagamat malabo pa), nakabuo na ako ng isang mas makatotohanang depinisyon kung paano mo maihahayag ang pag-ibig - hindi mo ito makakamit sa pamamagitan ng mga salitang 'mahal kita', 'I love you', 'ti amo', etc; hindi mo rin ito maipapakita sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay ng mga mamahaling regalo o pagpaparamdam ng kung anumang mapagbalatkayong 'I care for you' o 'I'm here for you'. Sa tunay na pagpapahayag ng pag-ibig, kung anuman ang mga bagay na hindi mo inaakalang magagawa mo o masasabi sa normal na pakikitungo o sa pang-araw-araw na pamumuhay mo at nagawa o nasabi mo ito sa taong iniibig mo, ito ang tunay na pag-ibig. Napakahilaw na kaisipan pero gaya ng palaging sinasabi ng kababaihan, alam nila ito kapag napaharap sila sa ganitong sitwasyon (woman's instinct ika nga). Hindi mo kailangan ng isang ispesipikong bagay o gawain, di rin naman dapat superficial, pero alam mo naman siguro ang magagawa mo sa di mo magagawa nang tunay. Ngayon ang tangi kong prinoproblema - datapwat sobrang gasgas na ng mga salitang 'I love you' ano nga ba ang mga salitang maaaring maipalit nang pansamantala na may tinataglay na epekto gaya ng mga salitang 'I love you' noong mga panahong napakalaki at napakalakas pa ng kahulugan nito?

Gaya ng nabanggit sa panimula, isa lamang itong paglalaro ng isip ng manunulat. Paumanhin sa mga naguluhan at walang naintindihan.

BAD DAY

The title says it all. Imagine sleeping accidentally while reading a required reading, waking up late as you screw up everything else you planned on doing, thinking your cellphone fell on the way to school so you run after the FX you just rode to see that it's not there, breaking your no-absence-and-late-streak, going back home as soon as you're free to see your cellphone lying peacefully on top of your pillow, going back to eat, breaking your free time to pick up something unknown while it's raining and now I can't sleep as I need to finish reading a lovely long epic; what a beaut ain't it?

Kung sa bagay, at the end of the day, I still own Park Place and Boardwalk (making me win, back to back) and "a thing all the girls would just die to have because it's sooo cute".

Hit it Daniel Powter!

LA-DI-DA LA-DI-DA LA-LA

After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.

-Alvy Singer, Annie Hall

FANTASIA

Having seen The Sorcerer's Apprentice for the first time in many years was indeed nostalgic. Watching Walt Disney's Fantasia is one of my most memorable experiences as a child. I loved the play of images - the colors and the motion with the accompaniment of classical music. It was always a treat watching that feature length concerto. How I long to see the mythological gods once more, the dancing hippo chased after by alligators, the shift of one season to another. Seeing Mickey Mouse's struggle with the broom and magic was more biographical than mere illusionary entertainment. Did you know that The Sorcerer's Apprentice was created as Mickey Mouse's comeback role? Who ever knew that even cartoon characters (most especially Mickey) struggled to stay in the limelight? According to Wikipedia (my favorite site of this moment), Mickey Mouse wasn't well received as Walt Disney hoped he would be; Donald Duck was considered more profitable as more fans loved the helium-voiced duck. And to add insult to injury, the now popular mouse wasn't even the first character conceived to play the role; Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves was the writers' first choice as opposed to Walt Disney's choice of Mickey Mouse. In the end, The Sorcerer's Apprentice came to be one of the most popular roles played by Mickey Mouse. Having watched that segment again with the kind of thinking I have now made me realize how intelligent it was. Pure genius, as you may put it. How I hope to create something like this in the future.

PS:
Well, what do you know, it's December already. 25 days to go before my birthday. So if you're a kind soul who's willing to give me a present - a DVD of the original Fantasia would be most perfect. Hahaha. Oh and yeah, I've finally found Annie Hall, so you may cross that out in my wish list; well, not unless you're willing to order me one from the US. Hahaha. Asa pa kong may magreregalo. Hahaha.