UNLIMITEXT, UNLIMISEX

Isa sa mga bagay na pareho kong pinasasalamatan at kinaiinisan ay ang promo ng telecom industry na unlimited texting. Hindi kaila na isa itong mahusay at sulit na promo sapagkat nalulubos ng mga subscribers ang bawat pisong kanilang ibinabayad. Ngunit sa kabilang dako naman, dahil sa ang pagtext ngayon ay parang libre na sa puntong pwede mong tadtarin ang isang tao ng ilang text messages minu-minuto, tila lalong nawawalan ng halaga ang bawat mensaheng ipinadadala.

Una sa listahan ko ng mga halimbawa ang mga text quotes na ipinadadala sa akin ng mga tao. Sa una, tila nakatataba ng puso kapag nagkakaroon ng paraan ang mga kaibigan mo upang ipamalas sa iyo ang kanilang pakiramdam, ngunit dahil sa unlimited texting, gaano ka kasigurado na 'totoo' ang mensaheng iyon? Gaano ka nakasisiguro na hindi lamang ito isang paraan upang sabihin ng nagsend sa iyo ng mensahe na padalhan mo rin siya ng ganoong klaseng mensahe? O mas malala, ano ang mararamdaman mo kung sobrang natouch ka sa mensahe niya, at maya-maya malalaman mo na lamang na 'send-to-all' pala iyon?

Isa pa sa kinaiinisan ko ngayon sa larangan ng text messaging ay ang mga walang kamatayan, nuknukan ng pagkakorni at desperado kung desperadong magpapansin na mga 'text joke' (kung matatawag mo ngang 'joke' ang mga iyan) Hindi ko makakaila na mayroon talagang mga 'text joke' na nakatatawa. Sa totoo lamang, depende naman yan sa panlasa mo sa pagtawa (o kababawan) ngunit mayroon talagang mga 'text joke' na nakakapikon na. Ayos lamang naman kapag isa lamang iyon o kahit dalawa, ngunit kapag tinadtad ka ng sampu hanggang dalawampung magkaparehang punto na mga 'text joke' mula sa isang tao, at maya-maya matatanggap mo na naman ang pare-parehong mensahe mula sa ibang tao, hindi ka kaya mabaliw at umabot pa sa puntong papatayin mo na ang cellphone mo o kaya naman, gusto mo na itong itapon? Minsan tuloy, tuwing tumutunog ang aking cellphone, bilang hudyat na may natanggap akong text message, nabubura ko kaagad ang mensahe lalo na kapag alam kong ang taong iyon ay ang laging nagpapadala ng mga walang kamatayang 'text jokes'.

Hindi ako laban sa pakulo na ito ng mga telecom companies. Malaki ang pasasalamat ko sapagkat dahil sa unlimited texting, nakapagpapadala ako ng anunsyo sa maraming tao sa mas mababang halaga kumpara sa regular texting. Ang pakiusap ko lamang, hindi sa huwag abusuhin ang promo na ito, datapwat gamitin lamang ito nang tama, hindi sa puntong nagpapapansin lamang o nambwibwisit ng tao. Sa panahon ngayon, marami nang mga salita ang nawawalan ng kahulugan. Huwag naman nating hayaang pati ang isang pamamaraan ng pakikipagtalastasan ang mismong mawalan ng kabuluhan.

IN THE BEDROOM

Living at home makes me feel like living in an apartment. With many people aside from the usual inhabitants occupying the space, I have long stayed inside my bedroom as if I was a hermit. The fun thing is that it actually feels good. I have longed for this feeling since I had my maturity boom. However, the thing is that I am not able to accomplish things I want to accomplish as a room hermit like finish a screenplay (or study? Nah. In your dreams.) or to watch films I haven't been able to watch yet. All I end up doing is conversing with people via online chat and sleeping. And I'm telling you, this sleeping 'disorder' is going worse. Especially on non school days, I end up sleeping 1/2 to 2/3 of the day. And the thing is, despite this length of sleep, I still end up getting sleepy so early at night. My point is that I want the rain to stop because I would end up sleeping more and my academic schedule (as blown up as it is) would go bonkers even more. So please rain god, release me from this sloth.

ELAINE MAY

If I were to be a Mike Nichols, certainly, I wouldn't be one without an Elaine May to back me up. Just minutes ago, I was talking to my Elaine May for the first time in many months. It was very refreshing doing so because finally after many days of artistic uncertainty, I finally heard the things I needed to hear. However, as usual, there are also some things she had said which need some digestion like her opinion about me slowly reaching my goals. It was kind of nice to hear but how nice would it be to know if it isn't real? Indeed, perhaps I have taken the necessary baby steps I need in order to move on to the next level, but how long can I manage to stay? What have I really done so far? As far as achievements are concerned, well, I've got nothing to brag as of this moment. But when we talk about experience... Well, at least I've got a thing or two to tell. Inevitably, what you're hearing right now is the pessimistic me (which is really back for good, I must say. Hahaha.) which sort of springs out everytime I'm doing something right (well, at least for me that is.)

Moving along... I was surprised to discover that Elaine May has yet to see my 'experimental flick' (Note by life historian: Three words: Litel. Mis. Pilipings.) And oh boy, was I also surprised to hear her comment regarding it. Well, frankly it isn't the first time that someone 'commended' (Hahaha.) my acting 'prowess' (Hahaha.), but what she said remains disturbing. Well, let me put it this way - do I look like a best actor for comedy? (Hahaha.) The title of 'best actor' alone already sounds pathetic! And since when did I become funny? (Hahaha. Whatever.) Anyway, as demented as it may sound, that statement actually made my day for some reason. Perhaps it's the thought of having 'accomplished' something which for me seemed almost impossible. For that, I thank you ElaineMay.

PS:
Well if you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll continue fanning the flames by linking this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOXI_2Eicmk Hahaha... Seriously, I'm feeling the urge to make a new film. I wanna get away from the shadows of Litel Mis Pilipings (and Couch?) already.

CHARLIZE THERON

I woke up this sundown with almost everyone talking about the president's yearly charade. So what? I slept through the whole thing. I'm head in the clouds. Why? Why shouldn't I be? Secrets and lies. When will they end? I don't know. Don't ask me. Ask that 4"11 woman with the (Let me quote my friend) "fugly pink dress". (Hahaha)

Today I reaffirmed to myself the meaning of happiness. It's not through the by-products of the shit you do; because that fades away. Happiness is in the doing. It's in the craving of that one thing (you think) you may never have. It's being in the moment. It's happiness. I'm happy. Despite all the shit I'm going through, I'm happy.

PEACHES

Attachment is brutal. There are just those times when I want to deliberately seclude myself from society - become a hermit of some sort. Because when you attach yourself to a person, and all of a sudden something bad comes up, you're gonna feel all screwed up.

I've never asked for lots of friends. Just a small intimate set would suffice my social needs. Now I don't know who the real people are. And that sucks.

On my way home, I saw a funeral car along the highway. Inevitably, that picture sums up the entire feeling I carry throughout this dark, gloomy day. Oh fuck the pain away.

PUWERSA

Ngayon ko lamang muling naramdaman ang pakiramdam na tila halos lahat ng mga katanungan ko ay unti-unti nang nasasagot. Mula sa isang madilim na bahagi sa gitna ng intersection na nagdurugtong sa apat na kalsada, unti-unti nang nagkakaroon ng ilaw ang daan patungo sa aking nais patunguhan. Yun nga lang, kasabay ng mga poste ng ilaw na siyang lumitaw upang gabayan ako sa aking paglalakbay, ang pagsulpot din ng mga balakid at mga lubak sa daan na kailangang malagpasan ko muna bago ako makarating sa aking destinasyon.

Bagaman maaaring flat ang gulong ng aking sasakyan, hindi maikakaila na mayroon pa ring paraan upang makarating sa patunguhan. Buong tapang kong sasabihin na wala na akong kahit anong pagsisisi sa anumang desisyong nagawa ko. Nandito na ko, alam ko na ang direksyong tatahikin ko. Bago pa man pumalpak ang lahat, puwede pang magtulak. Ang puwersa ay kontrolado ng utak. Hindi ito isang pagsubok kung kaya mo o hindi. Datapwat isa itong pagtataya kung gaano mo ito kagusto at kung gaano kalaki ang kakayanin mong ibigay.

Narito na ako. Totoo, mahaba-haba pa ang paglalakbay ngunit sinisiguro ko, walang pagtalikod ang mangyayari. Kung kinakailangan kong ibigay ang lahat, maliban sa mga bagay na mahalaga sa progreso ng aking paglalakbay, gagawin ko ito, marating ko lamang ang aking destinasyon.

Nakaukit man sa mga tala o hindi, sinisiguro ko, mag-isa man o hindi, darating ako.

SICK

(Note by ego: Not to worry avid blog reader, nothing deep this time.)

My email address seems to be suffering from a virus. Ever since I've checked my email at a computer shop (Note to LOTR: BFME II Buddies: Yep you know what I'm talking 'bout), my YM and any browser has always been telling me that I have 8 new messages, even though I don't. Now, I don't have instantaneous updates about the emails I receive. I've done almost anything to solve this problem except for the last resort which is to create a new email address, which sucks because I've been using this email for quite some years now. So if you know how to resolve this bullshit, please tell me. Or you may also join my "Think of a new email address for Mark" Contest, wherein you'll have a chance to borrow limited titles from my movie collection. (Note by ego: With the sole exception of Citizen Kane. Haha. In your dreams.)

DAWN

Napanaginipan ko kagabi si Dawn Zulueta. Kung bakit, hindi ko alam. Ang totoo ay hindi ko na rin maalala kung ano ang buong pangyayari. Basta ang alam ko lang, naroon siya sa aking panaginip.

Ang naaalala ko na lamang ay nasa banyagang lugar ako, may bulkan at may sapa sa tabi. Mayroon ding pagmiminang nangyayari malapit sa lugar na iyon. Naaalala ko rin ang larawan ng isang mala-baryong lugar kung saan mayroong pagdiriwang na tila piyesta o kasal. Ang pagiging malapit din naman ay hindi ko makalilimutan. (Ang pagsabi ko na malapit ay nangangahulugang literal sapagkat naaalala kong nagpapirma pa ata ako sa kanya ng isang DVD ng isa sa kanyang mga pelikula.) Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat ng mga detalyeng ito, hindi ko talaga mapagtanto ang kabuluhan ng panaginip na iyon.

Ang alam ko lang, naroon ako... Kasama si Dawn Zulueta... At malalim.

DISSOLUTION

Why is it that everytime, when almost everything is playing out right, I have this tendency of feeling lonely? Like right now, when almost everything falls into place, I get new hopes of academic improvements and extracurricular boosts, yet I still feel empty. Why is life like that? Why is it when one's career seems to be going okay, personal life seems to be breaking into pieces, falling all over? And the fact remains that this is not about problems of loneliness due to lack of romance (Really it isn't that, you nosy... Err... Never mind. I'm too sad to curse. [See?]). Even my friendships seem empty. And it kills me because I don't know why. I don't know what to do about it let alone who I could talk to about it. There's just something that lacks. It's like the mojo that completes Austin Powers. (Do I seem mojoless? [Oh shit. This is really pointless.]) Actually it couldn't just be compared to that because I'm not only without my mojo for it feels like I don't even have Felicity/Foxxy (And who was the first one? Anyway, it was Elizabeth Hurley's role.), a mini me and even a Dr. Evil (Well, actually this part is debatable.) What I'm saying is that I feel empty and I need a cure.

PAG-ASA

Nakatutuwang isipin na parami nang parami na ang mga nakikilala kong katulad ko na mahilig sa mga lumang pelikula. Akala ko pa naman, hindi na ko makakikilala pa ng mga ganitong taong bukas sa mga ganitong uri ng pelikula sapagkat lagi na lamang nagtataka ang mga tao tuwing nalalaman nilang nanonood ako ng mga pelikulang higit pa sa edad ko (kahit edad ng magulang ko) ang tanda. Ngunit ano nga ba naman ang kataka-taka sa gawaing ito? Hindi ba't ang mga pelikulang ito ang siyang mga bumubuo sa ginintuang panahon ng pelikula? Palibhasa ngayon ay mas pinahahalagahan na lamang ang entertainment value, alinsunod sa tunay na kagandahan ng pelikula. Ano na nga bang nangyayari sa panlasa ng mga tao ngayon na tila napakapangit ng mga bagay na itinuturing na pinakamahusay? Nawa'y dumami pa ang mga makilala kong bukas sa ganitong uri ng pag-iisip. Nawa'y muling maibalik ang dating pagtanggap ng tao sa pelikula. Sapagkat kahit anong ganda man ang mailabas na pelikula (kahit sabihin nating minsan na lamang; tuwing nangingitlog ang mga baboy), mahalaga pa rin ang pagtanggap ng madla tungo sa inaasam na pagbabago.

TRUTH

(Some) Compliments are bullshit.

Hindi ako naniniwala na isa akong magaling na manunulat. Sapagkat kapag naniwala ako sa pantasyang ito, mawawalan ng saysay ang lahat ng mga pinagsusulat ko. Mas pipiliin ko na lamang na ikubli ang mga gawa ko at balang araw bigla na lamang matatagpuan. Doon lamang siguro ang tamang panahon upang bigyan ng puri ang anumang kapuri-puri sa mga iyon.

Dazing fantasies...

Naniniwala ako na natututunan ang kahusayan. Hindi lamang ito isang regalong ipinagkaloob na basta basta na lamang ipinangangalandakan sa sangkapuluan. Kalokohan ang ganyang pag-iisip. Sapagkat isa itong hamon tungo sa kaunlaran sa paggawa, sa pag-iisip, sa pagkatao.

That's just full of crap.

THE KINK WITHIN

Do you agree to the fact that each person has his/her own inner kink? For example, a very simple and subtle respectable woman dresses up in the simplest and nicest way, but inside that simple subtlety lies a hot pink brassiere which could attract the keenest observer like a metal to a magnet. Another example would be a priest saying his homily. Innocently he narrates about instructors having to say words properly, but as he cites his example, he suddenly throws a sensually-inclined metaphor which God forbid, could devastate the manangs attending the mass.

I'm not saying this inner kink is bad. It's actually good when you think about it. (And by saying good I mean kinky good; definitely not angelic good). It's nice when you get to meet people with that inner kinkiness. You realize that there are doors that open that lead you to like the person more (or perhaps, that turn you on) Eventually, when you get closer to the person, they'll be able to let their guard down and reveal their true selves. Perhaps then you can enjoy the fullness of this undiscovered paradise.

RETURN

Today was my trip back to memory lane. It was a familiar setting - all students convened, teachers watching your every move, candidates nervous to the bones. I could recall all of those fond memories I had - all those words intact in your mind; the strategies and possible answers to questions people would throw; most of all the courage and benediction to stand for what you believe for. As much as I want to return to that time, the fact remained that I was only a spectator... Or so I thought. In the middle of the time spiral, a messenger came to announce that I was to speak before that grand audience. Of course I could not turn it down and the more I could not lose my cool. Nevertheless, given those few minutes, I was able to compose a message that pretty much summarizes the reason why politics no longer thrives in my character, the answer to a riddle that has been puzzling people's minds, words of inspiration I have wanted to say. The beauty of it is that I really had conviction this time. I was able to relay what I wanted to say in that short amount of time I had to prepare and say everything. It was marvelous. Of course, what made it more grand was the feedback... But that's just the bonus which I need not ponder for long.

After the convention, my stature seemed to be that of a stranger amidst a crowd of friends... That was the case until a new familiarity began to unfold before my very eyes. As Rick would say, it seemed like the beginning of a beautiful friendship. My spirit was once again uplifted, perhaps to the highest it could have been. The story will continue to unfold. What happens next, still I do not know... However, it is inevitable to say that this day is indeed wonderful. Not just wonderful but beautiful.

RANDOM

My mind is afloat. There's so many things I want to write about but I don't have the luxury of time to give each one justice. Hence I will only write in bits and pieces for now. Consider these as accounts which I still have to finish. ;)

First of all, I wanted to talk about the recently concluded Star Awards. I want to question why they had to make a separate category for digital films. Is it because the caliber of films nominated for Best Digital Film is higher than that of the nominated films for Best Movie? Try this, Ang Pagdadalaga ng Maximo Oliveros, winner of Best Digital Film vis a vis Best Movie of the Year Blue Moon. *smug* And since I've mentioned it already, Blue Moon's victory - I still have no idea why it continues to win awards. I've seen it. I'm not saying it sucked. I'm just saying there are better films that really deserved the award. Anyway, I'm planning to make a full-length (Film? Haha.) essay about this. You'll just probably see it in Kramthologies sometime soon.

Secondly, once again it's that time of the year in my high school where people cut throats and lambast each other. (Haha. Kidding.) What I'm trying to say is that election time is coming and it's time for me to come home - to investigate and castigate. Haha. Well, I'm just ecstatic after learning that my party name is still alive. If I'm not mistaken, it's probably the longest running party in the school's student council history. And I take pride of the fact that I am one of it's founding members. Last year, during Sigaw's second run on the elections, the president didn't make it. However, it remained a force to be reckoned with as it tied with the opposing parties as far as winning is concerned. Well, I'm just curious whether the party still has it's mojo. Anyway, what's funny in this story is that all Sigaw presidentiables (from my time until now) are all former vice presidents who ran for president. And as far as the student council's history is concerned, there's only been one person who managed to become vice president and then win the presidency. (And I need not mention who that person is. [Note by ego: Shaddup!]) With all the pressure going about with my predecesor, I cannot miss Wednesday afternoon.

Finally, hmmm... Well, I seem to have forgotten what my final topic is. So I'm ending this. Seems like I'm the one who lost my mojo... In writing that is.