THINGS YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
Today would be the longest day of the year. I have been awake since 12 am and will continue to be awake for the next 23 hours. I have yet to read a single line nor open a book (alright I tried reading Economics [key word: reading] but I stopped from the moment I saw an equation). My life is a mess. I remember a friend telling me the other day that some men don't study because they think it's cool. For me, that's not the case. When you have no sense of motivation at all, it's gonna be pretty hard to do things most especially those which you really don't like; and in my case, that's studying - I do love learning, but I hate studying. A bitter pill would always be bitter. You can't force me to take the the bitter pill of studying because it's like... so bitter. Hahaha. Alright I'm losing it again. I'm just typing away, carelessly but you know what? I'm actually enjoying this. For quite some time, I've always wanted to blog, normally? Yeah, normally. No holds barred, careless, consuming blogging. Oops. Wrong word, but hey, it still fits perfectly doesn't it? I'm making no sense here. Anyway, let me just tell you what I love most about reading people's blogs. Aside from getting to know a person deeper (the way they want you too, normally; just like in my case where I pretend to be some deranged inhuman being), it's the joy of seeing your name or at least a reference of you in their page, whether it's good or bad. There's a sense of happiness with the fact that you are part of that person's life. And even though you ought to know that you are, it's kind of different when it's in black and white; there's an assurance of sorts.
As much as I love myself, sometimes I think my philosophies in life are just outright stupid. But still, the fact remains that I still do believe in them and I continue to live by them. That's the toughest part about me... I'm so tough. :| Really? I think I'm one of the most hard-headed people I know. Perhaps I don't blatantly show it in public, but really, I am. Most especially if I don't believe in something nor have the smallest sense of liking towards it, I won't do it. I'm just so hard to satisfy. Right now, the only satisfaction I get is through chatting. (ang babaw no?) No seriously. I just love conversing with people. You learn a lot of things - about them, about yourself, the world, everything. However, when you open up a conversation with me about Accounting, Economics or Law, goodbye to you my friend. Hahaha. I love random topics to the point that you're saying things you shouldn't. One of my friends once told me that I have this gift of making people tell things that they shouldn't. Most recently, I met someone (not actually met, more of got to know more [the person is a classmate in one of my subjects in college actually]) and for the love of spontaneity, we talked about things that well, we shouldn't have. It was a fun conversation that lasted for hours.
I'm staring at the clock and time seems to be running, really fast. Next thing I know, I'm in Escaler Hall, awaiting to have my dream fulfilled to finally see someone cry on an Accounting test. I'm mean. I know that. Don't worry, perhaps today, I'd be the one crying. Hahaha. I doubt that. I don't even remember the last time I cried. I used to be such a crybaby when I was a kid. Come my boom stage in highschool, I was as tough as a rock. Nothing could make me cry. Well, with the sole exception of finely crafted, emotionally striking films. My heart was a stone then. Now, it's becoming one yet again. It's not because I want to. It is what it is.
Right now, I wanna go overboard and go watch a movie or something. I'm staring at my books and there is really no drive at all for me to do things I really don't want to. This is suicide. And sleep once again tempts me to go back to bed. It really sucks to work in your own room where there's a soft bed inviting you every second you're not there. When I get filthy rich, I'd make my own non-aircon library (airconditioned libraries have drawbacks for me... Hahaha), a small screening room and of course, a mini-studio. Strangely, the last one mentioned might be the first one to come true. Finally, I've convinced my mom about my idea to have that old stockroom in the back transform into my green screen room of fun. I'm thinking about making that my office too, but I don't think I could stand the bright green color. It's too painful to my eyes.
Right now I'm waiting for anyone to miraculously have the sense to talk to me right this very minute. But I doubt it. People are too busy with the finals, hell week and whatnot. Inasmuch as I don't want to join the bandwagon, to conform, I think I have to. I think about my mom and I am haunted by my conscience. That's my only 'motivation' right now. And yes, time is running like rabbits.
"Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving because... I can. It's just that, if I'm totally honest with myself I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I'd just been in a nice, caring relationship." Jesse, Before Sunrise
As much as I love myself, sometimes I think my philosophies in life are just outright stupid. But still, the fact remains that I still do believe in them and I continue to live by them. That's the toughest part about me... I'm so tough. :| Really? I think I'm one of the most hard-headed people I know. Perhaps I don't blatantly show it in public, but really, I am. Most especially if I don't believe in something nor have the smallest sense of liking towards it, I won't do it. I'm just so hard to satisfy. Right now, the only satisfaction I get is through chatting. (ang babaw no?) No seriously. I just love conversing with people. You learn a lot of things - about them, about yourself, the world, everything. However, when you open up a conversation with me about Accounting, Economics or Law, goodbye to you my friend. Hahaha. I love random topics to the point that you're saying things you shouldn't. One of my friends once told me that I have this gift of making people tell things that they shouldn't. Most recently, I met someone (not actually met, more of got to know more [the person is a classmate in one of my subjects in college actually]) and for the love of spontaneity, we talked about things that well, we shouldn't have. It was a fun conversation that lasted for hours.
I'm staring at the clock and time seems to be running, really fast. Next thing I know, I'm in Escaler Hall, awaiting to have my dream fulfilled to finally see someone cry on an Accounting test. I'm mean. I know that. Don't worry, perhaps today, I'd be the one crying. Hahaha. I doubt that. I don't even remember the last time I cried. I used to be such a crybaby when I was a kid. Come my boom stage in highschool, I was as tough as a rock. Nothing could make me cry. Well, with the sole exception of finely crafted, emotionally striking films. My heart was a stone then. Now, it's becoming one yet again. It's not because I want to. It is what it is.
Right now, I wanna go overboard and go watch a movie or something. I'm staring at my books and there is really no drive at all for me to do things I really don't want to. This is suicide. And sleep once again tempts me to go back to bed. It really sucks to work in your own room where there's a soft bed inviting you every second you're not there. When I get filthy rich, I'd make my own non-aircon library (airconditioned libraries have drawbacks for me... Hahaha), a small screening room and of course, a mini-studio. Strangely, the last one mentioned might be the first one to come true. Finally, I've convinced my mom about my idea to have that old stockroom in the back transform into my green screen room of fun. I'm thinking about making that my office too, but I don't think I could stand the bright green color. It's too painful to my eyes.
Right now I'm waiting for anyone to miraculously have the sense to talk to me right this very minute. But I doubt it. People are too busy with the finals, hell week and whatnot. Inasmuch as I don't want to join the bandwagon, to conform, I think I have to. I think about my mom and I am haunted by my conscience. That's my only 'motivation' right now. And yes, time is running like rabbits.
"Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving because... I can. It's just that, if I'm totally honest with myself I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I'd just been in a nice, caring relationship." Jesse, Before Sunrise
Kram's cut at 1:42 AM |
4 Comments:
iiyak na ako mamaya. calculus at accounting. panalo.
Di ka naman umiyak eh
That was fun.
Thank you Patrick. :)
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