UOY KCUF

This perhaps is my worst week in years; this day is my worst this year. Monday started and I knew everything is gonna go downhill from there.

I hate to quit. I've said this a year ago when I've ended my political life. If I quit again this time, it's almost like saying I'm quitting this thing too; this so-called 'passion', which I am starting to doubt right now. I don't want that to happen. But at the rate this shit is going, looks like I'm bound to be doing so... Unless a miracle happens. I hate admitting it but I am losing hope, patience most especially.

Trust is one thing I hate pondering about. What is trustworthy anyway, or who for that matter? I really have bad issues with this. Slowly, I have been turning into this pathetic anti-social asshole. It's not a pretty picture but I don't actually have problems with this. Perhaps the people around me have, but I don't.

This is really weird. I'm doing quite well with my academics yet I remain unhappy. Perhaps I really have lived by my theory. It's a bit stupid; well it is actually. I used to love the thought, now I've just got bitten by reality - kaboom!

I don't know one thing that I am best at... good at, even! Where in hell did I go wrong?

Despite the fact that this week is bull, I'm supposed to be rebounding. I don't know how. I don't know if I still can. What happens if I can't? I am a pessimist. So much for self-fulfilling prophecies.

I hate this stupid irony. The one thing that I've been taking seriously all this time is the one thing that I end screwing all up. Life's a bitch. An effing bitch.

I need to go to the beach. Alone. All I want to hear is the sound of the waves. I need the tide to swallow me. Drown me in the salty sea, please!

Before going home today I wanted to throw my tripod into the glass window at school. What could've happened had I done that?

This is pathetic and irrational. Immature? Childish? Abnormal? Selfish? Human.