STATIC

I miss the feeling of just being adrift - nothing to do, just waiting. I miss the feeling of being able to think about the smallest things - things that help me sort out things, create things.

Right now, I feel my creativity (if I have one) is fading. My film is a mess and I can't simply get a minute or so to think about and craft something I could have done had I not been too preoccupied with many different matters. There's no blame, most especially hatred here. It's just that I regret not being able to make the most out of the potentials.

When I sleep tonight I want to dream the wildest dream - be it lion-dogs chasing me, or the collision of the earth and sun. I want to see something new and different. I want the feeling of being awake after my dream; the feeling of being enthralled, the vision sticking onto my memory, lingering as each picture slowly fades away.

Am I happy? Maybe. Maybe not. I want happiness. What is happiness again? Is it being in the moment? Am I in the moment? Maybe. Maybe not.

I want... I need...

...could make me happy.

I know. Yes. I know I can be happy. Let me be happy.

Yes? Yes.

Oui.