SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION

Lately I've been so impulsive. I've made many changes and done things at the last minute. My closest acquaintances can actually attest to this. And right now, there is something I want to change... Before it's too late. It's my gift. Call this another one of my overreacting, but for me it isn't actually. What's crazy, pathetic and sometimes romantic about me is my habit of giving gifts - to the people I am not that much acquainted with or those whom I want to impress, I give them 'the best' I can give - may be expensive or of high quality, you may say. And to people who are close to my heart - I give them one of my own, a personal item. I don't know what people can infer about this but I say it's the best thing I can really give. To give one's own, is to give oneself - that is love.

(Note to anti-romance readers: I apologize for the fancy shmancy Shakespearean trash you might be thinking of what I am writing about, but I just can't help it. Not to worry, I will make this one very short - plain and simple.)

I have almost 17 hours to decide. This is giving me a hard time. Really. For once, I am hating what I am good at - last-ditch efforts (or for students - cramming). It's not really a tough thing to solve, only if I know how I feel. The problem right now is I don't know what I feel. Discernment... How can you decide on something so soon? Tell me the answer Liz, Viola, Celine, Mathilde, Jane, Carrie, Clementine, Charlotte... Maybe what I heard from the old woman is true - that there are some things no matter how prepared or good, can never be relied upon. (Defense of the heart: Am I talking gibberish? I don't think so.)

I consulted. It was funny because I asked questions which I knew all the answers all along. I just could not admit it. I am writing this paragraph almost 30 minutes after I have written those it had preceded. As I wrote the first part, I heard the music, it was there, I was captivated. All of a sudden. It stopped. Bang. All that remains is silence.