WHISPERS OF THE MUSE

I woke up with thoughts of death once more: My body felt heavy, my head was pounded by hammers, my throat was about to explode, my neck was about to fall off and my eyes were very swollen. As much as I wanted to sleep again, I just could not. I forced food to enter my mouth.

Yesterday, I set up a goal to study for the entire day the following day. Waking up to a morning like this shut up all chances of that coming true. Instead of making notes and flipping pages of books, I lived a life of a Virginia Woolf. I just stared, unconsciously thinking. When I could no longer take the harsh realities of my physical inhibitions and mental incapacities, I returned to bed. For four hours I slept.

What's interesting in this event was the dream I had. It was strange - this was my first dream in days. What made things more farfetched was the fact that I had a stranger splendor in this act of unconsciousness. As much as I felt like a corpse when awoken, I felt all the life pumping through my consciousness and it felt good.

Strangers: I never thought that there would come a point that I would appreciate them as much as I do right now. Dreaming of one and especially falling in love with one in that dream was strange yet fulfilling at the same time. To my muse, thanks for saving me - even if it remains a boundless fantasy.

This was not the first time this happened. Almost a year ago, I had a dream similar to this one. However, this one had a greater impact. She came at a time I needed her most. As much as I am a pessimist and a realist at the same time, I cannot take away the fact that I want her, I need her. Albeit, I can never tell when we shall ever meet in this so-called reality.

I know we shall meet again. Even in a dream, I'll be contented - even if you are older, even if I never got the chance to get your name: I shall never forget you.