RADICAL

"In the new century, I think we will all be insane." Take that from a homeless woman from the HBO miniseries Angels in America. It's a brand new year. This entails new routines, new ways... A new life. A rebel in my own way, I will go against this flow with my writing style. It's about time for me to go back to my "roots" and write the way I write before I entered the pandemonium that caves me in nowadays. No more depressed, schizophrenic, maniacal works of prose or poetry... (For now). It's time to bring back the mondo free spirited, superficial, spontaneous old me. That includes the films and movie quotes I use for that matter.

For quite some time, I have been reading these books on independent and digital cinema. Just exactly what I need for my aspiring career in the future, I have been more engrossed with these texts far more than compiling thoughts for a research paper. What bothers me most is to read on the lives of the filmmakers who have established this new wave genre. Quentin Tarantino, Steven Soderbergh, they are the pillars of what is now known as the indie or the art or specialty films. Apart from the other pawns that helped established this genre, the two have worked their asses off to achieve what is now legendary to all of us... Or me, for this matter. To make things more salivating for me, the two of them, considering the fact that they started way beneath from the underground depths of the silver screen, are now established, although now commercial, Academy Award Winning directors. But what truly intrigues me most is the fact that these two didn't take film courses, they didn't even go to college at all; Soderbergh skipped college to work on films as early as he can right before he won the prestigious Grand Jury Prize from the Sundance Film Festival in his early 20's; Tarantino was a highschool dropout and learned filmmaking as a crew in a video rental shop right before he won the Palme d'or from Cannes.

Now what does this have to do with me? Well, if you don't know me by now, I am struggling with my academe. Not exactly on the subjects (well, except for Math), but on the certain field I'm taking for the next three years. Will I stay or will I go? Here's my scenario for plans A - C. If I stay in my current course - Communications Technology Management (and hopefully survive), I would have the upper hand for I have the "Blue Immunity" my shelter provides, I won't have that much trouble in getting a job, I wouldn't have to leave the people I "treasure", but I may turn out to be a Harvey Weinstein of the Philippines rather than the Orson Welles I wanted to be. If I move within the university, I may at some point get better grades which would be beneficial to my other plan to move to UP's film course, which was my most coveted course I just let slip before my very eyes; In this case, I will have the formal training I need, thus giving me more advantages for I may be a Martin Scorsese in no time. Finally and perhaps the most obnoxious, I could opt to end my dilemma on college by simply skipping it; I'd take training in Mowelfund, work at places, submit entries to festivals and be the Tarantino or Soderbergh that beats within my essence. Either way, all roads lead to my other goal to study film abroad, N.Y.U. to be specific.

I hate changes. I do. If only I could jump onto a timeframe and freeze it, I would. If only life can be edited. If only life can change the way you want within a snap. Oh... I can't even snap my dang fingers. Would you please invent that time machine already? I want more life...

Wait a minute, I may very well indeed still be depressed, schizophrenic and maniacal. I can't help it. So much for the effort. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an important operation to attend to. And yes, before I go, "Want some soup?"