Stranger Streets

CIAO

2007-04-05T00:58:00.000-07:00

FOXTROT

2007-04-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

Because of my gut feel that nobody is reading this blog anymore, I have decided to become a rooster prick and create a new one. Still on blogger, I just wanted to find out who still reads the shit I write and yeah, also to accomodate the fact that I'm living a new chapter of my loser life. This time though I won't be telling you "explicitly" where I am moving to. The catch is, if you do care about my trash words, then you'll do the honor of spending time looking for it. (Well not unless I am gracious enough to give it to you personally or "your common sense is enough to figure it out". Haha) Anyway, for the loyal reader, here are some clues that might help you:

-It's a phrase from one of the films that I frequently refer to (God this is a no brainer)
-It's the "alternate" for milkshake in one of my favorite scenes in that film
-I have used that phrase in one of my (most) recent entries

Well, if you think I'm a prick and don't want to play like an asshole in my dumb game but you still want to know the URL and continue stalking me, then you can still do so by becoming a bigger asshole through writing a one-page reaction paper (Arial, 10, 1 inch margin on all sides, 1.5 line spacing) about your favorite entry from this blog and send it to my email. Yes, I am a prick indeed.

Well actually, the new one's still under construction (meaning, I might still be posting here for a while) but if you're wise enough to get there now, do leave a message in the tagboard so I can link you and like you a hundred times more. The first five readers who would get there would win free tickets of my first theatrical feature, to be released 50 years from now.

PART DEUX?

2007-04-01T22:50:00.000-07:00

After having watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset for the one hundred and sixty fourth time, it finally came to me that if indeed I want to experience meeting my own Celine, I should start riding the train more often, or so at least the LRT. On the contrary, I'd rather not for all I know, I'd just end up seeing familiar faces which I'd rather not see most especially if I'm having an I-want-to-castrate-a-person-because-humanity-sucks kind of day. But then again, Jesse wasn't at his best when he met Celine, after just having broken up with his girlfriend from Madrid.

The truth of the matter is, the one true realization that came out from this one hundred sixty fourth viewing is the possibility of making (a) sequel/s for my cult baby Oneironauts. Despite having shunned this idea even before wrapping up the film, making a sequel in a situation where I am in isn't really about fame and fortune (a la Hollywood) more so. After having seen Jesse and Celine meet up again, and the fact that the sequel is better than the original (in my taste, so to speak) intrigues me. At the same time, it challenges me to do the same thing. I just love the idea of a character's recurring appearances in the works of a filmmaker (like Truffaut's Antoine Doinel), showing not just multiple stories of each phase in the life of that character rather it builds up to form one story in a life of a person.

Creating a sequel at this point in time would be a big risk. It opens the idea of limited creativity and originality as I know it would also raise a few eyebrows from some people critical of well works of other people (haha). But that doesn't matter. After all, my creation is my own decision. And of course, I always remain open to any criticism and suggestions. It's really a challenge I'm game facing.

This move is really more of an homage to Jesse and Celine (which I assume is a fact for the avid reader of this soon to be closed blog) and to love and life as well. As much as possible it is my goal to make a sequel that could stand alone, to prove also that my creation of such is really for the sake of telling my story. Perhaps through this, if I make it right, I might be able to show Mano Po a thing or two about the art of creating sequels (well, if indeed they consider those as art [Note by FM radio character: It hurts! It hurts you know!]) But then again, the cast might not even be back this time around. Hahaha! Well, this is after all a long term endeavor. And of course I wouldn't just be spending my entire filmmaking career (can I say that? career? haha) doing just this. Having said that, pre-production for 2/30 begins this week. Haha!

AS I WALKED OUT ONE EVENING

2007-03-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
'Love has no ending.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

'I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

'The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
'O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

'In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

'In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

'Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

'O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

'The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

'Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

'O look, look in the mirror?
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

-W.H. Auden

LAST NIGHT

2007-03-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

Before anything else, I would like to official declare the abolition of my anonymity rule in this blog. I figured since these shall be the last entries in this blog and the fact that I am starting anew, I might as well credit the people who well, I have been with lately - physically, spiritually and mentally (Go Magdalena! Good riddance to you.)

Last night was one of the most enjoyable nights I have spent so far this year, the happiness for a rare opportunity was not attributed to material satisfaction. After the mind grueling last day of exams, my friends and I decided to spend the night with the three things we loved doing the most - eating (and drinking coffee), singing and camwhoring. And so after the megrim-inducing Filipino finals, I met Eric, Justin, Kim, Ella, and Miguel at the spirit-of-the-forest tree. Hanging out for a while, Jan, Pre, Ais and Bernice also stopped by to formally give their goodbyes to Justin and I as part of the block. Childishness also emanated once more with Miguel bringing a soccer ball as we spent quite some time attempting to hit Ella with it in the face. Later on Luis came and decided to join us. Minutes later, we left for Greenhills. Us boys rode with Luis as Miguel and Ella dated with Kim as their third wheel.

Upon arriving at the place, we dropped by at Fully Booked to see a copy of Sei Shonagon's Pillow Book, which nobody had any sense of interest to purchase it. We then pigged out at Burgoo where had a blast doodling at the paper table cover - Ella showing us her talent in drawing cartoon characters reminiscent of those fake commodities one would see in the local tiangge. Luis also had a great time drying his pants, feeling the stickiness of the softdrink seeping through his corduroy, which Miguel and Eric adored; and yes, thank God for bottomless drinks. After stuffing ourselves, we then proceeded to go to the Family KTV whatchamacallit nearby. We spent two hours singing our asses off, selecting dozens of songs, without being able to finish more than 5. Of course, Ella once more attempted to become a diva beating the mic as notes started to fill the room. Together with Miguel, they sang the mushiest (Truly Madly Deeply, Iris) and the gayest (Push the Button, Cheeky Girls). As usual, I also tried to scream my lungs out but it was Justin who ended up with the Inday Garutay voice at the end of the night. Eric also sang his neverending Chinese song/s as Luis also joined the belters after DJ-ing. Typical of Kim, she never held the mic albeit she joined in some of the singing. After Closing Time, we then decided to go back to Katipunan. Before going home, we dropped by Starbucks for some coffee. Luis had to leave early though since he still had to meet the missus. Ella too left early as she was picked up by her kuya and their red car. An hour or so later, we decided to call it a night.

[freeze]

Voiceover: The 5 parted their ways - Miguel rode his car, Eric walked home while Kim and Justin waited for Mark to get a cab. The three stood awkward as no taxi passed by. As soon as Mark got his ride, he waved goodbye and left. It was the last time they saw each other.

Hahaha!

WHERE IS FREEDOM? WHERE IS JUSTICE?

2007-03-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

"It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it." -Aung San Suu Kyi

Aung San Suu Kyi is the epitome of democracy. She is a patron of nonviolence (inspired by the life of Mahatma Gandhi) and pro-democracy yet she remains a prisoner of conscience (the only imprisoned Nobel Peace Prize recipient) because of a military tyranny in her own country despite the many appeals of the UN, artists and other international organizations and even the democratic people of Burma. In spite of the Burmese government's disregard, we shall continue fighting for Aung San Suu Kyi's freedom. Join the fight for democracy and register at www.actionburma.com.

"I prefer not to interfere too much with what is going on in the world, but when someone has been thrown into a hole and they ask you to throw down a rope, I am happy to look for a rope, especially for a woman of such grace." -Damien Rice

HAMOG

2007-03-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

Kanina nang mapatabi ako sa aking durungawan, akala ko biglang nagbago ang ihip ng hangin sa gitna ng napakainit na tag-araw... Uulan lang pala.

HERE I COMM!

2007-03-26T23:47:00.000-07:00

Finally after a year of confusion, months of deliberation and weeks of anticipation, my intention to shift has ultimately been met with approval. Few days from now, I shall no longer be a ComTech major under the JohnGokongweiSchoolofManagement and an official member of the R1 community. Indeed the three remaining days shall be my last as an affiliate of these institutions. I do not claim to be a celebrity, however I would like to take this opportunity to express my final message and formally bid my farewell to the people who have been a big part of the first leg of my journey in college.

No bullshit: Before I begin with the sentimentality, let me start this with all brutal honesty as it would be a shame if I would not be able to tell you this before I formally leave: I detest the concept of blocks and blockmates. I firmly believe the creation of such mechanism is mainly for those students who came from exclusive schools who have yet to experience the dynamics of boys and girls coexisting in a formal school setting. It is something that I have already experienced before, coming from a coed school, which I do not think is necessary in an environment where the focus should be on the individual. Let me be more frank by saying that I never really enjoyed being part of a block (perhaps the closest I ever felt that was when we took a 3-day vacation together, but come to think of it... not quite) Call me irrational or bitter for I do not really expect to convince you or assume your full comprehension of where I am getting at but if in case you wish to listen, I will be more than willing to tell you about it in person. The farewell therefore is not addressed to the block, for I have long said my goodbye to it. Rather, I want to focus more on the individual relationships, the personal bonds I have formed (if indeed there really were, discounting the depth or duration) within the 2 years. To you, I give my deepest gratitude for making college a little more colorful:

Jaron: This person I only had the chance to speak more because of Sci10. I thank you for the camaraderie and concern you have expressed during the times we were seatmates and sleepmates in class.

Ginjie: Remember ES? Save the Lake was one of the main reasons why we got to bond even just a bit. A good sport and a great model, I thank you for your wonderful presence. If it was not for you, I might have not received anything from the first R1 Awards. Thank you.

Mikko: The high spirit of the class. I thank you for your comedy, your frankness and your uniqueness. A day without your punchlines is truly quite different. Thank you for trusting me with your school works.

Tin: Hello gayness. One of the newcomers this year who I was already comfortable with in the first meeting. I appreciate your perkiness, with all the smiles you bear electronically and personally. You are truly one outstanding girl.

Cheska: The only person who attempted to cuddle (kadol) me and was successful in doing so. She described me one time as a serious person who is able talk some sense. I thank you for that Cheska.

Bojo: The person who wanted to give me the privilege of being the beadle for DannyChan's Law 11 class. I thank you for giving me that sense of respect. I am also thankful for that one time you shared your story, here's hoping you no longer wish to turn back time.

Justin: An amazing person able to bear all my antagonism and annoyance, thank you for being one hell of a sport. I am honored that you appreciate my writing, my thoughts and my opinions. Remember that you too are being listened to.

Ella: One of the first people I have met before college even officially started. I feel guilty because it has only been lately when I had the chance to know her more on a deeper level beyond school works. Thank you also for being able to deal with my ego.

Christa: I remember it was Eda's birthday and Christa was one of the brave few who tried to make me laugh. Although she failed, I did appreciate the gesture. One of the most natural people in class, thank you for bravely accepting the R1 Idol trophy.

Nikki: Like deodorant, Nikki won't let you down. A person you could really count on, I thank you for saving our Theology presentation. I remember last summer when you wanted to come with me to the shooting, despite not having made it, I appreciate the interest.

Inna: I don't know if she could recall the fact that she was my first seatmate during the Orsem. She seemed to be snobbish then, but everything changed as time went by. Thank you for giving me your trust, with all the school works and whatnot.

RJ: I was glad when I found out that we live in the same place. Starting last sem, I no longer had to endure the traffic by myself. I thank you for everything that you have shared to me, the trust and the respect. I truly appreciate them.

Ron: My co-crammer who would often send a message at dawn asking me if I had already started or finished studying or doing homework. Ron is also the person responsible in spreading those outrageous links in Youtube like the girl with the thing. Thanks for everything pare.

Kim: If there's one person who has endured the best and worst of me, this person has got to be it. Thank your for the patience, the concern, the candies, the hand sanitizers, the bathroom, the friendship, the understanding and yes, for being my yaya. Indeed, I am very much grateful.

Ice: The sole victim of my racism. I thank you for being patient and for being a good sport. For all the wonderful layouts, for the creative conversations, I thank you. Most of all, I thank you for the trust and for listening to everything my endless mouth had blabbered.

Danessa: One of the few people I knew I would get along with from the start because of our shared passion for leadership and service. Too bad, I had to let go of that. Despite that, I am proud that you continued to fight for what you believe in. I thank you for your trust.

Bernice: My seatmate in Math 11 who endured all of my side comments, my doodle... My insanity. I still remember that one time when we walked along Katipunan and you had to go through my never ending chat about papayas. Thank you for patience and your exuberance.

Pre: The first person in school to see id. and said she loved it. You never fail to make me feel relieved with your ever positive remarks. I thank you for that. Another victim of my name calling, thank you for being game and yes, Body Fuzion rules.

Rani: One of the people who have earned my respect. Rani is a jack of all trades. I thank you for that one instance when you helped me with LS, despite ma'am calling your name out during History. And for the many times you have made school easier, I thank you.

Jan: One of the few people who I trust with my narrations concerning my nonexistent love life. I always enjoy talking with you, regardless of what medium. Thank you also for entrusting me with your own stories. Indeed I will not forget the night I made you scream three times.

Eric: My perennial partner and groupmate. College life would be so much tougher without this guy. Now that I'm leaving, I guess it's time for us to test new waters. I am truly, deeply grateful for everything - the trust, the respect, the companionship and the friendship.

Eda: Another person I have already met online before Orsem. I miss the times when we were like children playing pretend, her being DJ Eda complete with ideas for a TV station; and no they weren't wholesome. I thank you for those fun times and the friendship.

Joyce: I don't have anything to say to you because I will still see you and you will be scoring my next short film. Well, for the mean time, let me thank you for the trust and the friendship; for being one of the fanatics of Oneironauts and my dream concepts.

Luis: I will never forget the one time when I talked about my concerns regarding transferring with him and he referred me to God. I truly believe that he is an outspoken person with hidden great wisdom. Thank you for that moment and for the many times you were a good friend.

Miguel: A person who is game in almost anything and everything - from guesting in the now defunct kraMTV to playing a closet gay in malPUNction, I thank you for your eagerness and encouragement, for the attempts to initiate a deep conversation and for your trust.

Gino: One of the very few who I was not able to know that much. It was only through PE101 where we had the chance to converse and be part of one group (although we were groupmates in ES also, one sem earlier) Thanks for being a wonderful person.

The cynical reader (who I must congratulate if he/she has no business with this yet has willingly read up to this spot) might be wondering why I am even spending time doing this instead of reviewing or creating something more productive. Well, the explanation is very simple. In life, human relations are inevitable. Despite the fact that this was not my main goal upon entering college, the connections I have made are what they are and I cannot do anything anymore to change that. I say with much honor that I am thankful for these things. However, the fact remains that my hibernation period is nearing its end and it is time once more for me to focus on the individual - on my self, on my own. And as I move on to the next leg of this journey, I take with me all that I have accomplished and created within the past 2 years. No more hesitation, no more distraction. The time has come for me to put my engine back into full power. At long last, here I Comm!

GUARDING TESSIE

2007-03-26T01:13:00.000-07:00

Then: Sen. TessieAquino-Oreta, one of the three female senators who voted for "NO" (no for opening of the envelope), was seen on nationwide television and most people had the impression that she was dancing joyfully as the opposition walked out.

Now: "Tessie, bakit ka nag-Dancing Queen?"

TAO is back. Stronger than ever. And now showing on a television near you.

The cab driver who detested dirty politics whom I met a couple of weeks ago had most probably killed himself after having seen this ridiculous political ad of the former senator. Who wouldn't? Perhaps as deluding as the president's "I'm Sorry Speech" during the height of the Garci Scandal, the starlet of the Erap impeachment similarly fails to win any sense of sympathy from the ever-adamant Filipino spectator. You tell us it is from your mistakes from which you are to rise again and fight? Do us all a favor and deal with your ghosts in your own personal/ private life, away from the political arena if you truly are sincere.

Hey Mr. DJ put a record on, I want to dance with Miss Tessie. And please, no chacha this time. We all know Miss Tessie would like that, but she said she grew tired of it already. That was what she said on her speech right?

Forgiveness, madame is inevitable, redemption however is never to be expected - it is earned.

S'WONDERFUL

2007-03-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

The most wonderful thing about our relationship is that it's nonexistent.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD MICE SMELL LIKE?

2007-03-24T21:08:00.000-07:00

Empty: That's how I felt like after spending 3 days (with lots of intervals of course) reading Guillermo Arriaga's The Night Buffalo. The plot got me hooked to an exciting development of events, that is until politics entered the picture, which eventually led me to a hanging ending. Although it reminded me of Y Tu Mama Tambien (just the slightest bit), I'm not actually sure right now whether the book was worth it. What's actually bad is that there were lots of typos.

Hatred: I hated the fact that there wasn't any resolution. It really just left everything hanging without anything critical for the reader to at least help formulate an intelligent inference. It was as if all the creative and colorful characters turned into stone, everyone of them wasted. Right now, I don't think I'm even looking forward to see the film adaptation.

Hope: I'm just pissed off because I was really into it. I was really hooked with the idea of a "destructive" menage a trois despite the many unrealistic events that took place. At least now I know that it's really this kind of narrative, the manner of storytelling that really catches my attention, and maintain it more importantly. Despite its many flaws, it inspired me to make my own interpretation of the territorial battles between the sexes (with multiple participants), which I think I have to learn more about either through my own experience, or perhaps even through another's.

It's at the end of the rainbow, where the golden showers are.

REUNION

2007-03-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

Leo and Kate are reuniting! *screams*

Okay. Let's not get too carried away now.

I had just been informed about Kate Winslet and Leonardo diCaprio reuniting on the big screen for the first time after Titanic. And no, they're not joining the league of Forrest Gump 2, by giving Titanic a sequel. The two will be performing in Revolutionary Road, a drama based on Richard Yates' classic novel of the same name. The film shall be directed by Academy Award Winning American Beauty helmer, Sam Mendes, who just happened to be Kate's husband. Despite the fact that it's too early for me to predict anything, can I just say that this film screams gold? Come on, the two have had a couple of Oscar noms already. And it would be so wonderful to see them win their first golden boy together in this reunion film.

Makes me want to watch Titanic again.

Too bad I can't right now.

PS:
Speaking of romance, I was re-wiki-ing Before Sunrise a while ago when I noticed that it had a line stating the film being 100% fresh in RottenTomatoes.Com, which is a very rare feat. Hooray for Jesse and Celine.

THAT'S THE WAY

2007-03-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

I'm really happy with the way things are going for you and me right now. You, having your new man. Me, having... Well, Penelope. Judging from the way you look, it seems like you're really happy. And I'm not being bitter at all now because I'm happy too. You see I'm really enjoying my life now despite the fact that my search for this sense of completeness is a disaster. But of course, as you know me, I don't really care about that as long as my work's sailing smoothly, which by the way it is... I mean my career's really skyrocketing. But yeah, I still do think of it sometimes... ~~You~~ Well, another person, completing me. But hey, life's a bitch and we can't have it all so yeah, I guess I should pretty much be contented for now... Yeah, for now. Oh wait, I think I still do want to talk to you, if you have the time... I mean, to catch up on the old times. What can I say? I missed ya. Well, I've said that now. Here comes the funny smile showing itself again. Yeah, that smile. Yeah. Oh but on second thought I think I don't want to talk to you anytime soon. Well, I guess I'm not ready yet. I mean, I don't know what to say, everything's still kind of awkward ain't it? Makes me want to wish we could just forget everything and start all over again. Would that be possible? Well it's your call. Just let me know what's in your head. Oh and by the way, the name's Mark in case you forgot.

I CAN'T SEEM TO...

2007-03-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

Why forget? Because honey, that's the only thing left to do...

FALLING OUT OF LOVE

2007-03-19T00:40:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of things I want to say to you right now. I just can't seem to find the right words... and the right time. I listen to songs and I think of you. I see movies and I am reminded of you. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to avoid you, you just seem to be everywhere. When will this stop? Sometimes, I feel as if I just want to forget you; forget that you even existed; forget what we had, whatever that is... was.

(Note by pretentious gossip folk: Wow, is this an excerpt from your next film?)

Ironically, while I am writing this, I had just discovered that the door to my room, the one that won't close or if it does it's hard to open it as it just gets stuck, well, I can close it now - properly that is. I don't know if this has any symbollic meaning whatsoever, I just wanted you to know. Oh and yeah, let me also tell you about the fact that days from now, our connection, whatever that's left of it shall technically cease to exist. Well, that is if my assumptions are correct. Well, but just in case, it was nice meeting you.

(Note by pretentious gossip folk: Ah... Huh?)

THE AUTHOR IS DEAD

2007-03-17T23:49:00.000-07:00

To everyone who has been wondering and has kept on asking me why I do not give concrete explanations regarding my films, this excerpt from a great filmmaker basically defends my belief.

"While I cannot let myself be concerned with what people think and say about me personally, I believe that reviewers and critics have every right to interpret my fillms as they like. I refuse to interpret my work to others, and I cannot tell the critic what to think; each person has the right to understand a film as he sess it. Either he is attracted or repelled. A film is made to create reaction. If the audience does not react one way or another, it is an indifferent work and worthless." -Ingmar Bergman

The author is dead indeed.

SOME PEOPLE

2007-03-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

If I had the chance to choose the people I could spend the rest of my life with, 50-90% of the people I know will become strangers forever in my eyes. It's a sad truth. I don't know how this came about but I am really feeling so detached from almost everything, everyone. I find it so hard to be pleased, which explains why I do such pathetic things in life. It's not even a question of fulfillment (or is it?) Sometimes I just want to be invisible. Or if humor pervades, I want to have a remote control that would open up a trap door that would help me dispose of people I don't want to be with. The funny thing is that I'm not even depressed right now. I'm actually happy whilst I am typing this - happy with a sadistic glee.

This is the very reason why I love being a writer. I write because I could not speak. I could not speak because I could not express. I could not express because I could not feel. I could not feel because I am empty. Maybe I do need someone to complete me. Just maybe...

GUILTY PLEASURES

2007-03-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

First time ko (ata) magblog ng ganito. I'm feeling casual tonight. Bear with me.

Kadalasan kapag pumupunta ako sa Megamall, meron talaga akong specific places na dinaraanan, at usually, yung mga yun lang talaga; yun ay Astro, Odyssey, Powerbooks, National (paminsan-minsan) at Sbarro. Kaya kanina sa pagpunta ko sa aking paboritong mall, muli na naman akong bumisita sa mga tindahang iyon, maliban lamang sa Sbarro, na matagal-tagal ko na ring official kainan dun. Ngunit dahil sa muling pag-atake ng hypochondriasis... este spasm ng butihing ina ko, nakonsensiya akong huwag kumain dun dahil wala siyang makakaing pwede sa kanya. Sa tamad kong maghanap ng iba pang lugar at dahil ayoko sa Kenny na katapat lang ng Sbarro, sa Wendy's kami kumain.

Isa sa pinakaayoko tuwing pumupunta ako sa mall ay ang makakita ng isang larawan o manifestation ng poverty. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who are not as blessed as some people I know, pero hindi naman ako si Angelina Jolie na kayang ampunin ang lahat ng mga naghihikahos sa mundo. May dapat ba akong gawin? Kailangan ko bang maguilty? I know it sounds pathetic pero minsan di ko mapigilan kundi iwasan na lang ang mga sitwasyong ganun, maybe because of guilt nga siguro. Ewan ko.. Siguro naguilty lang ako dahil ang laki-laki ng size ng kinakain ko, hindi ko na nga rin maubos pati yung mga tira-tira ng nanay kong may hypo... err... spasm. Samantalang heto ang isang mag-ama o maglolo na nagsheshare ng inumin na 1/3 lang nung size ng malatabong inumin na di ko maubos.

Dahil doon, bigla ko tuloy naalala yung pumanaw ko nang tito na siyang tumayo na rin na parang ama ko. Noong bata kasi ako gaya nung mag-ama/maglolong nakita ko sa Wendy's, madalas din kami mamasyal nung tito ko. Naalala ko pa noong halos araw araw eh kumakain kami sa Tropical pagkasundo niya sa kin sa eskwela. Kahit saan ako magyaya, dinadala niya ko. Halos kahit anong ipabili ko, binibigay niya. Kaya bilib ako sa mga lalaking magaling gumanap ng papel bilang ama. Yun talaga ang isang bagay na hahangaan ko habambuhay.

On a lighter note, nang pauwi na kami ng aking butihing ina, laking pasalamat ko sa Diyos at hindi ko nahawakan ang pintuan ng taksi na sinabugan ng suka ng sabog na babaeng huling sumakay roon. Isipin mo na lang ang isang taksi na ang pintuan sa may likod ay may mga tira-tira ng suka na maaari mong sabihin ay inilabas ng isang babae na nasa loob. Instant star nga yung pasaherong babae na may "mahangin ba sa labas?" hairdo na lumalakad nang pagewang-gewang nang lumabas sa kawawang taksi, the girl with matching remains of suka on her blouse and skirt habang tinititigan siya ng lahat ng nakapila sa Megamall. Naintindihan naman kami ng kawawang driver na nasira ang biyahe, na natawa na lang sa amin dahil ayaw naming sumakay ng aking ina. Kawawa nga yung sumalubong na lovely couple sa may kanto ng Megamall at EDSA dahil biglang napahawak yung lalake sa kadiring pintuan.

Bago pa man mangyari ang insidenteng iyon, habang nasa pila pa lang kami. Napagitnaan kami ng isang lola sa likod at isang grupo (fad) ng mga tinedyer. Nakakatawa yung moment na pinagalitan nung lola yung mga teens dahil ayaw pa raw sumakay, nagdadaldalan lang naman; wala sa kaalaman ni lola na may sakay na ang mga taksing nakapila, trapik kasi at madilim yung tint ng mga bintana. Nakakaaliw yung moment na yun, parang eksena sa pelikula - matanda na nagagalit sa kabataan.

Sa loob ng taksi, muli na naman naming pinag-usapan ng aking nanay ang tungkol sa aking pag-aaral. Ayun at muli na namang nagkasisihan dahil bakit daw ba nagComTech ako at di na lang dumeretso sa Comm noong simula (eh ComTech nga ang compromise ko dahil ComSci-related course ang pinapakuha niya sa kin habang Comm talaga gusto ko); at nang banggitin ko na mas gusto ko naman talaga ang course ko sa UP (Film) bakit daw di na lang ako nag-UP (eh siya naman itong pinilit ako na huwag na lang ako mag-UP dahil sa tipikal na reputasyon ng unibersidad) Sa totoo lang, wala akong pagsisisi na nagComTech ako. Siguro kung magsisisi man ako, mas directed sa fact na di ako nagFilm sa UP. Pero ngayon, wala talaga akong pinagsisisihan dahil alam ko na makatuntong lang ako sa Comm, everything will be okay and I will be on top of my league (sana).

POP

2007-03-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

Some things are funny not because they are, as most of the time they're just simply pathetic. Having said that, may the person/s who introduced to me the song "Pop Goes My Heart" be damned. It won't get out of my head and it has been playing for more than 30 minutes now, looped.

CHRONICLES OF MY INCAPACITY TO STUDY

2007-03-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

6 am. I woke up to realize that I don't have a copy of the films to be screened for Psych at all. So much for time management. I then changed my schedule, doing the nitty gritty task of reviewing by book first. Grabbing the book, I soon drop it as again the disorder (For more details see F) manifests. Then I decided to go back to the films and study by Wiki. I now take down notes.

9 am. I had just finished eating breakfast and my first study nap. My second attempt to read from the book failed once more. I tried reviewing using some other person's notes as I realized that mine was better (Hahaha). I am currently trying to map out the rest of the day. I am tempted to go back to bed again.

10 am. After my second nap, I have decided to eat lunch and go to school to study. My bedroom is really the worst place for me to study. Although my dilemma right now is where to study in school. The library could be a good place. I just wish there wouldn't be any type of distraction as I continue my struggle to prepare for this *insert adjective* Psychology test.

11 am. 5 1/2 hours to go before I take the test given by the doctor that wears Prada. I'm about to leave home, away from the disturbances that are my bed and this contraption I'm using to type this. By the time I'll be back, I think I am going to have to watch a bobo film to get over this madness (and yeah, cheer myself up).

12 pm. I had arrived in Ateneo and went straight to the library. Got my notes and started reviewing. Thoughts of attending Com played in my mind. As usual, I was distracted by the many people walking by and by the coldness of the room. Despite this, I continued highlighting and skimming through my resources.

1:30 pm. To the surprise of some people, I arrived in the Com building. As soon as the room was unlocked, I went straight to the back as I decided to continue my work there. The reporters began their presentation as I resumed my doodling and manual googling with the gladness of having saved a cut.

2:30 pm. Com ended as I had to figure out whether or not I will be reviewing alone or with the group. Having sensed an accumulation of people into a bigger group, I decided to seek solitude (To the unfamiliar, it's nothing personal. I'm just not fond of big group discussions. Yes, I'm an introvert.) Despite this, there were two people who came with me; having found seats in the cafeteria, we did our very best to finish the business (bizniz). Also, tempted by the smell, I snacked on one serving of the lovely beef teriyaki.

4:30 pm. I enter the classroom. Test starts. I decided to answer the super objective questions first (identification, enumeration, etc.) before trying the multiple choice and essay types. I finished first and then I went out. A few minutes later, more people went out of the room. I opted to distance myself as I did not want anything to do with their discussions of the test (Again, this isn't anything personal. It's just me.)

I really don't know how I'm supposed to end this. I just want to say that I still have a lot of things to accomplish. The funny thing is that this week being a hell week was my own doing. I've said this before and I want to say it again, I should really learn and master the art of saying no. Perhaps only when I finally accomplish this would I be able to truly claim the realization of growth and maturity, I keep on declaring nowadays.

LILITH

2007-03-12T00:42:00.000-07:00

I heart Wikipedia. This article brings a whole new level of depth for 2/30:

The idea that Adam had a wife prior to Eve may have developed from an interpretation of the Book of Genesis; while Genesis 2:22 describes God's creation of Eve from Adam's rib, an earlier passage, 1:27, already indicates that a woman had been made: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." The earliest known reference to Lilith as Adam's first wife is in The Alphabet of Ben-Sira, written sometime between the 8th and 11th centuries and falsely attributed to the sage Ben Sira. The text places Lilith's creation after God's words in Genesis 2:18 that "it is not good for man to be alone". He forms Lilith out of the clay from which he made Adam, but the two bicker. Lilith claims that since she and Adam were created in the same way, they were equal, and she refuses to "lie below" him:

After God created Adam, who was alone, He said, 'It is not good for man to be alone.' He then created a woman for Adam, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, 'I will not lie below,' and he said, 'I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.' Lilith responded, 'We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.' But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air. (In this act, Lilith becomes unique in that she is not touched by "original sin", having left the garden before Eve came into existence. Lilith also reveals herself to be powerful in her own right by knowing the name of God).

Adam stood in prayer before his Creator: 'Sovereign of the universe!' he said, 'the woman you gave me has run away.' At once, the Holy One, blessed be He, sent these three angels Senoy, Sansenoy, and Semangelof, to bring her back. "Said the Holy One to Adam, 'If she agrees to come back, what is made is good. If not, she must permit one hundred of her children to die every day.' The angels left God and pursued Lilith, whom they overtook in the midst of the sea, in the mighty waters wherein the Egyptians were destined to drown. They told her God's word, but she did not wish to return. The angels said, 'We shall drown you in the sea.'

"'Leave me!' she said. 'I was created only to cause sickness to infants. If the infant is male, I have dominion over him for eight days after his birth, and if female, for twenty days.' "When the angels heard Lilith's words, they insisted she go back. But she swore to them by the name of the living and eternal God: 'Whenever I see you or your names or your forms in an amulet, I will have no power over that infant.' She also agreed to have one hundred of her children die every day. Accordingly, every day one hundred demons perish, and for the same reason, we write the angels names on the amulets of young children. When Lilith sees their names, she remembers her oath, and the child recovers."

Lilith then went on to mate with Samael and various other demons she found beside the Red Sea, creating countless lilin.

The background and purpose of The Alphabet of Ben-Sira is unclear. It is a collection of stories about heroes of the Bible and Talmud, it may have been a collection of folk-tales, a refutation of Christian, Karaite, or other separatist movements; its content seems so offensive to contemporary Jews that it was even suggested that it could be an anti-Jewish satire, although, in any case, the text was accepted by the Jewish mystics of medieval Germany.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith

Now you know what to expect. I am actually trying a new thing here. Despite not showing the script, I shall be bombarding you with the story's many influences. As I have declared before, I am not actually fond of explaining my works but through this, I am pretty sure things would be a bit brighter. As far as the theme of the story is concerned, from the title itself I am quite certain that you already know by now that I shall be exposing pictures of reality being distorted.

FRACTION

2007-03-11T01:19:00.000-08:00

Secured na sa utak ko and good to go na ang concept ng upcoming short ko - 2/30 (Hindi na siya isang thought-provoking ambiguous title lamang!). As promised, para siyang pinaghalong elemento ng id. at Oneironauts (artsy na may temang universal) na mukhang 2046 (sabi ko dati parang 2046 dapat ang gusto kong hitsura ng Oneironauts, I'll make another attempt again for this movie naman; this time, I really think I can pull out an imitation in terms of cinematography [which is really what I'm trying to mimic]). And as I have mentioned, this is my most ambitious work yet (as in with an original score... Need I say more?) and most probably my shortest (and most concise a la Before Sunset) short yet. That's all I can say for now. I don't want to raise this thing on a pedestal for I might not be able to live up to it. My only point is that this is really something that can be fully realized.

Also, this time however, I shall not be uploading the script online for public consumption. The script for 2/30 shall be made available to all after its release.

HEHE

2007-03-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

Para sa mga lalaking watching out for an eye candy, I have great news for you. Come next year, makikita niyo na on-campus si Rica_Peralejo (it's in the paper [Inquirer, I think] Haha) as she will be an incoming freshman taking up Creative Writing. Moreover she says on the article how she prioritizes education over showbiz. People are really getting interesting nowadays. So pano ba yan, overcut na si PE para may chance makasama kahit once? Hahaha! I'm kidding.

F

2007-03-09T03:59:00.000-08:00

Awhile ago, I was trying to study for that (insert adjective) Japanese History test. But then I got tempted to open my computer, yet again, for the nth time while I was "studying" (I really think I'm up to be diagnosed with a disorder [I don't know why in hell I'm easily distracted nowadays {There was even a moment when I wanted to burn those |insert adjective| handouts}]). Anyway, as I was trying to find a curse in Italian to use as my status message in YM, I encountered this interesting word:

finocchio m. (vulgar) queer, fairy, gay.

And changing "f" to "p" makes it straight? Okay...

Two hours later, after almost tearing and burning the weapons of mass sleep induction, I have finally decided to study via Wikipedia. I am currently still widely awake and interestingly excited with what I am doing. I should have thought of this earlier.

SPIRAL

2007-03-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

Lottery.

The possibilities are endless. Deciding which is more important is mind wrenching. What I want is a different story. The same goes for what is best. And so is for what is safest. Why must a person think of so much things?

Liberty.

How can one endure? Free will is torture. Dictatorship is a necessary evil. The human mind is evil. Innate also it is in one's spirit. Equilibrium must be attained. Otherwise, obliteration is at hand. It's pathetic to let all this turn into oblivion.

Law.

Time is a prick. If only I can stretch time and turn the tide. Only if I can peek through the future. No longer will I suffer. The echoes shall stop resounding. Success secured. Risks avoided. No longer wishing turning back time.

Love.

I want to be with you. Do you do too? I hate it when I miss you badly. I hate even the simple act of thinking about you. Where are you? Talk to me. I want to hear the sound of your voice. Please, before the sound vanishes. Never returning anymore.

PRIDE

2007-03-05T22:17:00.000-08:00

I want to tell you something but I don't have the courage to do so.

SUSON-SUSON

2007-03-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

Ngayon ko lamang natiyak ang katotohanang ang mga kilalang sinaunang (antigong) gusali rito sa Asya ay suson-suson. Mula sa Angkor Wat ng Cambodia, Forbidden City ng China at Borobudur ng Indonesia ay talaga namang patong-patong ang mga paliit nang paliit na mga palapag - isang pagpapatunay sa malakas na pag-igting ng kapangyarihan ng indianisasyon, sa kabila ng mga makakanlurang impluwensiya. Bilang taga-Asya at panatiko ng sining, susubukin kong ipairal din ang ganitong klase ng pag-iisip/paniniwala sa susunod kong proyekto; bilang pagpupugay na rin sa napakaganda at naisasantabing kultura ng silangan.

PILOSOPO

2007-03-05T20:16:00.000-08:00

Maraming taong nahahayok ngayon manood ng mga seryeng pantelebisyon ng isang bagsakan (o minsan paputol-putol din; pero ang punto, mahaba-habang panahon pa rin ang ginugugol). Nangangahulugan ba itong kailangan na ring gumawa ng mga pelikulang kasinghaba ng pinagsama-samang anim na kabanata ng Star Wars? Handa na ba ang mga manonood sa mga gaya ng eksperimental na pelikulang The Cure for Insomnia, ang pinakamahabang pelikula sa kasaysayan na 5220 ang haba? Papatulan kaya ito ng manonood? O sasabihin mo na namang depende sa uri ng pelikula? Malamang sa malamang, baka isang bobong pelikula lamang ang magtagumpay rito. Paano na ang mga malalim at makabuluhan sa kabila ng nakaantok na mga pelikula? Nakatatawa na nakaiiyak.

PENDING

2007-03-04T22:20:00.000-08:00

Before this alleged writer's block takes its toll on me, I would like to save these ideas before they dissolve completely. Here are the things I should/want to write about (as soon as I recover):

1. A poet obsessed with a girl (who is already taken) becomes psychotic. Keywords: Godard, idyllic, plotless, centered on poem, Wong Kar Wai

2. A painter kills his own mentor to create his masterpiece. Keywords: A Clockwork Orange, American Beauty, Sunset Blvd., costume, period

3. A locally-rooted mafia/gangster thriller parody. Keywords: satire, film noir, Martin Scorsese, The Departed, Big Time

4. A Chinese boy returns to his homeland. Keywords: Street Fighter, Chun Li actress, documentary style, dramatic, Babel

5. A film entitled 2/30. Keywords: Vanilla Sky, Eyes Wide Shut, Musica Ricerata II, id., "Anhedonia"

At the rate at which I'm going now, I don't really care if other people see this. Besides, you can call me conceited but I don't really think people could get anything ripe from all these concepts. And yes, the first, fourth and fifth concepts are already reserved; the first and fourth are for two friends while the fifth one shall be my next project (which shall serve as a fusion of the brain of id. and the heart of Oneironauts; overrated too early? Maybe... Maybe not.) Therefore, the only available concepts (and screenplays, upon request) for interested freaks, who are crazy enough to trust me to give them a story, are the second and third.

WHAT GOES AROUND... COMES AROUND

2007-03-04T02:15:00.000-08:00

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THREE

2007-03-04T00:47:00.000-08:00

I
miss
you.

MARTY: A COMMENTARY

2007-02-26T16:12:00.000-08:00

It's ironic that the master filmmaker of modern day American cinema won an Oscar for a movie that was not even intended at all to rally through the storms of awards ceremonies this year. Comparing it to his previous masterpieces such as Raging Bull, Goodfellas ~~and even The Aviator~~, The Departed falls a bit short from his previous greats. Yet, it is inevitable to state that Martin Scorsese has indeed returned to his mob roots, Mean Streets style with his biggest box office hit yet, his first Oscar Best Picture. The fact also remains that Marty is one of the best of the best in filmmaking; he remains one of the very few directors who can assemble a great ensemble cast and deliver, just as he did with The Departed.

On a personal note, The Departed has indeed been one of the best films of 2006. It is one of the very few films that has been produced by a mammoth box office production that was able to entertain and enthrall at the same time. Needless to say, it had substance. Never have I been so thrilled to watch a film with so much energy, so much excitement since God knows when. Indeed, this is one of the very few action films that had caught my attention all throughout. With powerhouse performances from Leo di Caprio, Jack Nicholson and Mark Wahlberg, I am proud to say that this is truly my favorite action film. The fact that I am not a fan of the genre of action and mob (I slept through Road to Perdition, Collateral and The French Connection by the way) and the movie being able to captivate me is indeed something.

And so I congratulate Mr. Scorsese for finally winning an Academy Award for Best Director - a recognition that has long been overdue. May you keep making films that will continue to entertain audiences worldwide. Who knows, now that the Academy loves you, you might get another one of those in the coming years. And yes, keep that lead from George Lucas... Poor guy got caught up with grande Francis Ford Coppola and Myspace photographer Steven Spielberg. What a pity!

ITCHY

2007-02-23T19:15:00.000-08:00

After making stupid decisions and degrading myself (or letting myself be degraded), despite my declaration that my directing career is temporarily on hiatus, I am having this really irritating and tempting itch to make my next short film - as soon as possible. What's worse is that I want this to be my best yet; and when I say best, I really mean it (I don't even use/had never used that word to describe my past works). And as I've mentioned before, I won't be making anything like Oneironauts for the next 3-5 years - which pretty much spices up my working atmosphere slash lightning rod imagination. In relation to that, 2/30 is just hanging around, floating and drifting inside my head; not unless I make a conscious effort to change the concept, that of love that is, to be able to utilize it and thus, finally giving in to this itch. I am totally effing clueless and I hate it. Perhaps I'd be better off as a voice actor for Pixar. I'm kidding you nincampoop.

ECHO

2007-02-17T23:30:00.000-08:00

"You said, 'I love you', I said, 'Wait.' I was going to say, 'Take me', you said, 'Go away'."
-Catherine, Jules et Jim

ON BEING PESSIMISTIC

2007-02-17T19:43:00.000-08:00

I'm never overly proud, not even truly, fully happy with my works. No matter how 'great' or passionate they are, I don't show any obvious sense of pride, most especially optimism when they're part of any competition whatsoever. I feel that if the time comes when I show the opposite that's the time that I retire because that's when I have already done my most beautiful work.

ARRIVEDERCI

2007-02-15T20:49:00.000-08:00

It's pathetic to look for prospects. Don't get me wrong, we're over and done. It's just really not in my system to look for someone else right now. I don't have the time and the patience. Although I must admit that, even if there are some who are qualified, even at the very least, it's stupid to make a short list. For a moment, I thought that my disliking of you is like that of in the movies where hatred returns to affection. I was definitely wrong. I also want to say that I wanted to declare that I did not even like you in the first place considering the fact that you were just filling a void; but I'm not that mean nor am I in denial of anything. I became fond of you alright - there's no doubt about that, but now, that's all in the past. It's interesting how time flies; I can still recall the first moment we conversed... let's just leave that to memory. You were my Sybil Vane. Goodbye.

GRATEFUL

2007-02-11T02:14:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This entry is semi-selfish, slightly informal and sort of personal. Insecure, irritable and people who aren't really appreciative of my works are advised not to read any further.

"I can't deny the fact that you like me! You like me!"
-Sally Field upon winning an Oscar

The last time I competed in a film festival, I never really expected to win anything at all - my entry being filled with a couple of flaws plus the horrors of production including the before and after, which almost made me think twice about my passion for filmmaking. To my surprise, I did win something - an award for "Best Script", one that I still cherish up to now.

Recently I joined again another competition, just for the sake of having fun. Since my last film was almost anti-audience (and the audience really did not enjoy it [from my observations]), I wanted to try and find out if I could please a crowd; it was not really about winning something but more of seeing people enjoy watching my film. And having seen the best of the best entries, I knew I would not even make the cut as a finalist. However, once again, a miracle happened and my film became one of the eight finalists. Right then and there, I knew that that was the pinnacle of the film's journey; there's no way whatsoever that it would win something at all even if the film was also nominated for Best Acting Ensemble and Screenplay.

The screening came and I was surprised by how the audience liked the film. There even came a point where people who have seen (and perhaps loved) it were able to memorize the lines from the film (due to repetitive watching) or were even using them as their status message (in YM). From that moment on, I said to myself that I had already won since I never expected to get a reception that warm from the people who have seen it; and that was actually my objective - to see more than three people enjoy my film (Yes, I raised the bar from one [in id.] to three :P). I was really amazed on how people seemed to really like it; the fact that people who I didn't really know (or I really wasn't that much acquainted with) coming up to me and congratulating me for the film was really fulfilling.

Then came the awards night. As expected, I didn't win any of the categories where the film was nominated. However, due to a strange twist in the balance of nature, I did not come home empty handed.

And so I would like to take this opportunity to thank the 12 people who voted for Oneironauts, Nestle for the big gift packs and the 3 bluish pieces of rectangular paper (:P) and Fujifilm for the discount coupon. Of course, I would also like to thank the cast and crew - Karla, Kenot, Rey, Idel and Dom (Chocolate Kiss uli? :P). Thank you also to Bono and JT for the support and the feedback. And to each and every person who has seen and loved the film (despite its flaws), I give to you my deepest and sincerest gratitude. I never really expected people to like the film since it was really tough making a romantic comedy; finding the balance between romantic and sappy (Kumbaga sa Tagalog, mahirap magpakilig without being too corny). Thank you audience for making this film a (unexpected) cult hit.

ONEIRONAUTS

2007-02-08T22:21:00.000-08:00

Will you look for me when you wake up?

VIVRE SA VIE

2007-02-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

"To be or not to be. That's not really a question."

-Jean-Luc Godard

ONE LINERS

2007-02-06T21:24:00.000-08:00

A person cannot be at his best in everything because he has limited resources.

Some people can amaze you even if they are just intellectually masturbating.

The Ivory Tower is a necessary evil for the Philippine film industry.

Psychology and Sociology are two distinct entities.

The only thing I want to do right now is to talk about films.

I don't love you anymore, goodbye.

Silence is sacred.

Gelukkige verjaardag mijn liefde.

U SOC (AS IN YOU SOCIETY)

2007-02-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

By answering a yes or no survey via landline conversation with a lady, I got myself an brand new exclusive red and black jacket from Sony. And thanks to Reader's Digest, I finally got myself a planner, which was free by the way. With things like this, it pays to be a consumer.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

2007-02-03T20:14:00.000-08:00

8th Ateneo Video Open Finalist for Best Short Narrative
Nominated for Best Acting Ensemble and Best Screenplay

Screening on February 7, 2007
4:30 pm at Escaler Hall, Ateneo de Manila University

SPRING COMES

2007-02-03T02:29:00.000-08:00

"I said I love. That is the promise. Now, I have to sacrifice myself so that through me the word 'love' means something. As a reward, at the end of this long undertaking, I will end up being he who loves. That is, I will merit the name I gave myself. A man, nothing but a man, no better than any other, but no better than he." -Jean Luc Godard

Today the messenger has come to reveal the path.
The mission laden before my very eyes.
I shall surrender myself to It.

Now I make my own destiny.
Create my own history.
Define and redefine.

This is my passion.
My mission.
Life.

Art.

TALENTED MR. MAKOY

2007-02-01T21:23:00.000-08:00

Remember the time I said I won't be directing films for a while? Well, I'll still be upholding that statement. Although right now, I believe I have the perfect material for my follow up to Oneironauts. It's a drama/thriller similar in a sense to Notes on a Scandal. However, it's actually much more related to a scene from Closer, Talented Mr. Ripley and the emergence of the Information Age. It's actually very easy to make, it is relatively financially cheap. The only important things I will need here are the actors (two male actors; and believe it or not, I'm actually thinking of playing one of the roles; yes, believe it or not), an original tour-de-force screenplay (that would make id. look like a children's bedtime story) and better directing and cinematography skills (actually I am planning to hire a cinematographer for this one; hire... Yeah right; it's more of invite... beg! Hahaha!) Damn it. I'm excited. I'll try to finish this by summer. Shit, I hate getting excited.

Photo stolen from Master Photographer Dom's Multiply

DON'T STOP ME NOW

2007-01-30T01:51:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time. I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out - Yeah! I'm floating around in ecstasy; So don't stop me now don't stop me; 'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time.

Tonight, I'm going to do one thing I have never done in my life - to say goodbye to sleep and wave hello to my ~~stupid~~ books.

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies; Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity. I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva; I'm gonna go go go. There's no stopping me.

I shall be filling myself with caffeine with hopes of not falling asleep as I peer through each ~~scornful~~ page.

I'm burning through the skies - Yeah! Two hundred degrees; That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit. I'm trav'ling at the speed of light. I wanna make a supersonic man of you.

I am doing this because I love myself and the fact that I am officially assigning the month og February as my boom month.

Don't stop me now. I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball; don't stop me now. If you wanna have a good time just give me a call. Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time) Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time) I don't want to stop at all.

Will I be enjoying this? I don't know. I just used the Queen song for the plain purpose of optimism.

RUMOR HAS IT

2007-01-29T09:45:00.000-08:00

Watching SAG and hearing Glenn Close's name mentioned made me wonder where the hell she is. Despite being known for Oscar futility, she is still one hell of an actress and so as I looked her up on imdb, wanting to know her upcoming projects, I saw the ultimate bomb:

Sunset Boulevard (2008) (announced) (rumored) .... Norma Desmond

Based on Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical adaptation of the Billy Wilder 1950 classic, comes an upcoming musical to be released in 2008. I don't know if this is a smart move, go think of what happened to The Producers, but honestly it is quite interesting to hear about it. Casting Norma Desmond has yet to be finalized as rumored actresses pimped to play the character, originally Gloria Swanson's , include Glenn Close, Meryl Streep, Bette Midler and Cher.

This makes me so anxious.

MULTIPLICITY

2007-01-29T07:26:00.000-08:00

It is true people have lots of dreams in their sleep. I just had a dozen.

I had just dreamt of having dinner with Tom Hanks, Matt Damon and some other actor I don't remember. I even took a photo, it's in my camera.

I also remember attending this anti-government meeting with elitists.

I also dreamt of a vampire, prison cells and a city burning.

There's also the part where the French are being captured.

And also the dream where I was living in some sort of rural mountain area of sorts.

And the other one where I was boarding a plane ride to California.

Implications?

HASTY GENERALIZATION?

2007-01-28T19:35:00.000-08:00

Tama o mali? Mahirap gawin ang isang bagay kapag alam mo na itong gawin. Isipin mo to, kapag alam mo na kasi ang gagawin mo, yun at yun ang siyang susundin mo. Walang diversity. Kadalasan di ka susubok ng ibang paraan kasi para sa iyo nahanap mo na at nagawa mo na ang pinakaepektibo. Walang risks. Kapag wala kang tinataya, mananatili ka lang sa kinalalagyan mo. Magiging stagnant ka habang ang mga iba sa paligid mo, bagamat di nila kaagad natuklasan ang tamang pamamaraan, sa pamamagitan ng pananaliksik at pageeksperimento, heto sila ngayon, mas magaling sayo. Hindi naman nangangahulugan na mali ang ginawa mo, yun nga lang, tumigil ka kagad. Di ba mahirap?

DREAMS

2007-01-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

All great things begin with a dream - from airplanes to Disneyland; from visions to nobilities. I dream, you dream. We dream. Each one of us dream whether in reality or in our sleep - from that little boy to that rebellious teenage girl; from Howard Hughes to Gandhi. Dreams are everywhere. But not all dreams come true. This is because people fail to realize that in order to make their dreams possible - they must first learn to wake up. So wake up before you drown in your own dreams.

JOELY

2007-01-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

Pagkababa mula sa epex, naglakad si Makoy patungo sa sakayan ng traybayk. Marami-rami ang nakapila kung kaya medyo matagal siyang nakatayo roon. Sa kanyang paghihintay, napansin niya ang taong nasa harap niya - isang babae, medyo maikli ang buhok, katamtaman ang laki, sa hitsura nitong medyo kaswal maaaring isipin na isa siyang kolehiyala na taga-UP o mula sa unibersidad kung saan nag-aaral si Makoy. Maya-maya bigla na lamang umawit ang babae sa kantang "Sweet Child of Mine". Bigla tuloy napaisip si Makoy na maaaring isa ring struggling artist ang babaeng kaharap gaya niya. Nang may dumating nang traybayk, sumakay na kaagad ang babae at sinabi sa manong kung saan siya ibababa, "Ramses po". Nang marinig ito ni Makoy, nagtaka ito sapagkat ito ang kalsadang dinaraanan bago makarating sa kanila at sa tagal tagal ng kanyang pagtira sa lugar na iyon, ngayon lamang niya nakita ang babaeng iyon. Naisip niya na marahil, bagong lipat ito. Bago umalis ang trayk, tumingin ang drayber sa paligid upang maghanap ng maaaring maisabay at nang napatingin ito kay Makoy, sa kagustuhan ng ating bida na makauwi, sinabi nito ang kalsadang tinitirahan at sumakay sa trayk.

Maliit ang trayk kung kaya kalahati lamang ng upuan ang ginamit ni Makoy upang di masikipan ang babaeng katabi. Napansin ito ng dalaga kung kaya inalok niya si Makoy na umupo nang mas komportable.
Medyo naguilty si Makoy dahil baka akalain ng katabi na iniinsulto bagamat di naman talaga ito ganun kalaki kung nagpaumanhin ito, "Sorry."
Sabay sinagot ng katabi, "No it's okay. Sorry."
Makalipas ang ilang segundo, bigla na lamang naghi ang dalaga, "Hi! What's your name?"
"Mark"
"Mark? Sorry wala pa kasi akong friend dito eh."
"Yup, Mark. Uh... Ikaw?"
"Christine. San ang Philip?"
"Uh... Di ba Ramses ka? When you go straight, it's the street perpendicular to yours."
"Ah... Dun sa may kanto?"
"Uh... Oo."
"So san ka nag-aaral?"
"Uh... Sa Ateneo."
"Oh my God. You're just high school?"
"Uh... No. College."
"First year?"
"Uh... No. Second year."
"Ah... Mas matanda ka pala sa kin. Sorry po."
"Ah... Hehe."
"Ano course mo?"
"ComTech... Uh... ComTech Management."
"Wow. Wala akong naintindihan dun ah."
"Hehe. Ikaw? San ka nag-aaral?"
"Sa UST."
"Ah... Course?"
"Interior Design."
"Ah... I see."
Medyo napatigil ang usapan. Napatingin si Christine sa manong drayber na tahimik sa buong usapan ng magkatabi at sinabi, "O di ba manong dahil sayo may friend na ko."
"So ako talaga ang first friend mo?"
"Oo."
"Bagong lipat ka lang ba dito?"
"Uh... Yeah. Last June."
"Ah... Ako rin walang friends eh. Pero matagal na ko dito. Hehe."
Nang malapit na sa tinitirahan ni Christine, tinanong niya si Makoy, "Do you mind if I get your number?"
"Uh... No problem."
Inilabas ng dalaga ang kanyang Moto Razr at binigay ito kay Makoy upang mailagay nito ang kanyang numero. Pagkatapos itayp ang kanyang numero at pagkabalik ng cellphone kay Christine, kinuha naman ni Makoy ang kanyang sariling cellphone at binigay kay Christine. Nang makarating na sa bahay ni Christine, bumaba na ito at nagpaalam kay Makoy. "Bye! You can call me Baboy by the way."
"Bye! Nice meeting you."

Nagpatuloy ang pag-andar ng trayk at maya-maya, nakauwi na si Makoy. Pagpasok sa bahay, sinalubong siya ng kanyang ina na siyang kinwentuhan niya ng pangyayari. Natawa ang ina at nagtanong, "Saan nakatira?"
"Dun sa malaking bahay na may swimming pool."
"Ah... Yung Hapon?"
"Uh... Hindi ko alam."
"Binigay mo number mo?"
"Uh... (Bat mo alam?) Oo."
"Bakit?"
"Hiningi niya eh."

EDUCATING JUAN

2007-01-24T23:33:00.000-08:00

Go ask any Filipino filmgoer, he or she will tell you either one of two things about the status of the film industry in the country - that it is either dying or has long been dead. With controversial events going on in the Philippine movie industry just like the recently concluded Metro Manila Film Festival or the MMFF (which is now even dubbed as the Metro Manila Film Funeral by others), you cannot really blame these people talking about the local silver screen with such discord. Every year, the number of local films being released continues to dwindle, overran by the never ending influx, usually of Hollywood formula films and their multiple clones (or sequels and in some cases, prequels or companions). The issue of piracy which is one of the primary suspects in the so-called death of the film industry also continues to get stronger and stronger as if going to one's suking DVD liaison is one of the daily or weekly routines of the new age Filipino film fanatic. Despite all of this, efforts to revive the local cinema through the so-called digital and indie revolution are undeniable; however, their heroic acts could not just seem to strike a chord with the typical Filipino audience. With all of these issues uncovered, what then is the solution to bring the local cinema back to life? Should we just accept the fact that the film industry is dead and cannot be revived? Should we just raise our white flags and embrace the "rare" appearances of Enteng Kabisote, the Chinese and horrific characters from 'Mano Po' and 'Shake, Rattle and Roll' respectively, and the many rip-offs of the well-known Hollywood incarnations?

Bitin ba?

Ito nga pala ang una kong sulatin para sa website na Manggang Hilaw. Malamang sa malamang, pelikula ang una kong tatalakayin. At bago pa man ako magsulat at magbigay ng opinyon tungkol sa iba't ibang mga pelikulang napanood ko, kailangan munang ipaliwanag ang kalagayan ng industriya sa kasalukuyan. Kasama na rito ang ilang mga isyu at problemang hinaharap. Sa pangwakas, mayroon akong isang rekomendasyon ukol sa suliranin ng pagkamatay ng industriya bagamat hindi pa ito gaanong malinaw.

Ano, gusto mo bang basahin ang sumunod na bahagi?

Heto

TWO-SECOND DELAY

2007-01-23T23:16:00.000-08:00

Gusto ko sana gumawa ng bagong episode ng kraMTV at dumaldal nang dumaldal kaso bigla akong tinamad at inantok. Wala na ata akong ginawa ngayon kung hindi matulog at umidlip. Buti na lang at nakansela ang pagsusulit kanina sa isang asignatura. At nang pumasok ako kanina sa klaseng ito, bigla ba namang sinalubong ng propesor ang klase ng anunsyo na C+ ang pinakamataas na naibigay niyang marka sa unang kritikal na papel sa mga papel na naiwasto na niya. Hindi ko alam kung kasama ako sa natirang mga estudyante na binigyan niya ng pangkonsolasyong C. Nakakaloko ang ganitong sitwasyon. Kung tutuusin, isa ito sa mga papel na talagang binusisi ko; tapos mababalitaan ko na ganyan ang mga markang maaari kong makuha. Bagamat wala naman talaga akong pakialam sa mga marka, nakakadismaya lang na parang sinabing walang saysay yung ginawa mo, na binigyan ka lang ng marka dahil ginawa mo; okay lang sana kung sa ibang klase ko makuha ang ganyang paliwanag dahil di ko naman talaga isinasapuso ang mga gawain sa mga klaseng wala talaga akong affinity, pero ang malaman mong walang saysay ang pinaghirapan mo, ang pinag-isipan mo - ibang usapan na ata yan. Pero di pa naman tapos ang laban, di ko pa alam kung ano ang kapalaran ko. Gusto ko lang sabihin na may inaasahan ako rito. At dahil sa aking pagmamahal sa mga paniniwalang animistiko, winiwika ko, kapag nakakuha ako ng marka na mas mataas sa nabanggit na pinakamataas (o kapag ako ang pinakamataas) mananalo ako ng Best Screenplay sa Oscars! Hahaha!

Malapit na ang Pebrero! Malapit na ang Oscars! Malapit nang magpaalam sa kurso! Malapit nang makalipat sa bagong kurso! Malapit nang mabuhay muli si Makoy!

CHINA SYNDROME

2007-01-22T05:27:00.000-08:00

Heto na naman ako... Nagpagising ng 3, gumising ng 5. Magbabasa dapat ng libro/handouts, nagbabasa ng Oscar news. Hahaha! This is crazy. I really should stop doing this shit. But hey, I'm still not liberated, so why stop? Hahaha!

I am really amusing myself with the way I'm handling things right now. Last night, I was even able to convince China to shift. Hahaha! How I wish ganito rin ako kagaling magdirect. But hey, sabi nga nila, I'm a writer... Well, at least walang "just". Hahaha!

I'm not making sense again now am I? I'm actually just stalling myself as not to get started with these readings. Yes, I still hate reading. I haven't even touched the latest three books I've bought. The thing that happened early January was just a high. Now everything's seems just a-fadin'...

ON THE LOT

2007-01-20T23:34:00.000-08:00

Ang laking pressure ang dulot sa akin ngayon ng ego ko na magsubmit ng pelikula para sa On The Lot ni Spielberg at Burnett. Ang problema, tila wala pa ata akong pelikulang nagagawang pang-world class. Syempre, amateur pa lang naman ako at katiting pa lang talaga ang nalalaman ko sa filmmaking kung ikukumpara sa mga filmmaker na napanood ko na ang pelikulang isinumite roon; kinakapa-kapa ko pa nga lang ang lahat ng mga ginagawa ko. Sa desperation kong makagawa ng konsepto, tila naipit na lang ako sa pamagat - 2/30. Kung gugustuhin ko, I'll try to summon the spirits of Federico Fellini since may title rin siya ng movie na fraction (although di naman talaga fraction tong pamagat kong to) and Anthony Burgess na gumawa muna ng isang kickass na pamagat bago bumuo ng isang kuwento (A Clockwork Orange). Sa ngayon, ang pinanghahawakan ko pa lamang ay 5 minutes, black and white, silent at mood. Kung itutuloy ko ito, kailangan ko ng isang napakalupit as in Gael Garcia Bernal na lupit na artista.

Plug: May bagong raket si Makoy! Bisitahin ninyo ang http://www.mangganghilaw.com kung saan matatagpuan ang future regular column ni Makoy tungkol sa pelikula at iba pang bagay. May cultural rootedness ang pagsulat ko rito, at mas akademiko kung ikukumpara sa mga personal at informal articles ko sa Stranger Streets. Ito rin ang magproprovide sa akin ng pondo para sa mga upcoming projects ko. (Hehehe) Kaya punta na sa Manggang Hilaw at tikman ang asim ng isip ng kabataan.

NOTICE

2007-01-20T18:51:00.000-08:00

Sa lahat ng mga tagasubaybay ng kraMTV, nais kong magpaumanhin dahil maghihiatus muna ang paborito niyong online show nang pansamantala. Inaasikaso kasi ni Makoy ngayon ang lahat ng mga pormalidad ng kanyang paglipat ng kurso. Nariyan din ang pagsasaayos ng kanyang pelikulang (maaaring) ilahok sa Ateneo Video Open at ang paglalaro sa kanyang isipan na gumawa rin ng pelikulang maaaring ilahok sa On The Lot ni Steven Spielberg. Needless to say ngayon lang ata naging ganito kaexcited si Makoy ever since nakuha niya ang CD ni N.C.

Antabayanan niyo na lamang ang susunod na episode - isang special edition na siyang magfeafeature muli sa isa sa mga pinakamabentang guest ng show, si Jack sa episode na pinamagatang "Supot". Muli, ipinapaabot ko ang aking paumanhin. Makaaasa kayong maguupload muli si Makoy ng mga panibagong episode kapag may panahon na siya muli.

SI NINA

2007-01-20T18:09:00.000-08:00

Para sa mga makabayang makata na naghahanap ng isang proyektong makapagpapakita ng cultural-rootedness at isang paglalarawan ng kabulukan ng "bansa" ngayon, heto ang isang modern-day adaptation ng katauhang inilikha ni Ginoong Pedro Paterno (na si Ninay) - Si Nina. Si Nina ang modernong Ninay, isang babaeng nakapagpapakita ng ideyal na kagandahan at kadalisayan ng pagkatao sa kabila ng lahat ng mga kapangitan sa kanyang tinitirahang lipunan. Bagamat pumapasok siya isa sa mga pinakamahusay na unibersidad sa "bansa" at sa kabila ng yamang pinansiyal, isang aktibista si Ninay at sa gawaing ito niya makikilala si Karl, ang binatang magpapaibig sa kaniya. Makikilala rin niya si Fred, isang konyo na makikipag-agawan kay Karl para sa kanyang pagmamahal. Sa pag-usad ng kuwento, makikilala rin si Biboy, isang middle-class na estudyante na miyembro ng isang frat na siyang umiibig kay Elle, isang Tsinoy. Sa pagtatapos ng kuwento, susulpot din ang isang nakabibighaning banyagang estudyante na siyang makikilala ni Karl - si Kate. Ang lahat ng mga katauhang ito at ang kanilang kuwento ay mapagaalamanan natin sa pamamagitan ng mga kuwento sa EDSA N - ang pinakamalaki at pinakamakabuluhang uri ng karnabal sa "bansang" Pilipinas.

PS:
Bagamat si Juday ang pinakaangkop na artistang maaaring gumanap kay Nina, mukhang hindi na ata angkop ang kanyang edad upang gampanan ang isang dalagang labing-walong taong gulang. Bilang personal na opinyon, mas gugustuhin kong isang morena ang gaganap sa katauhang ito.

SWAN SONG

2007-01-17T22:52:00.000-08:00

Mark "Makoy" Peregrino, AB Communication minor in Cultural Heritage. Okay ba? Hahaha! Sa ngayon yan ang pinpangarap ko. Well actually first of all di ako sure kung matatanggap ako sa AB Com at pangalawa hindi ko alam kung pwede rin akong kumuha ng minor, lalo pa niyan. Pero masarap lang pag-isipan, mangarap kumbaga. At kung gusto niyong makita ang extension ng pangarap na to, tumingin tingin kayo sa UP dahil dun ko balak kumuha ng master's degree sometime soon (most likely a few years after graduating or kapag tinopak pagkatapos na pagkatapos magtapos ng kolehiyo) Hahaha! Sa ngayon wala na akong pakialam kung ano ang realistic, practical o kung ano pang pilosopiyang pinaiiral ng sangkatauhan. Basta alam kong ito ang gusto ko (sa ngayon) at depende na lang sa hunger (at ibang circumstance gaya ng luck) kung maisasakatuparan ko nga ang mga ito.

In other news, dahil sa magandang pagtanggap sa kraMTV, hindi ko muna gagawing regular ang paggawa ng mga episodes. Hahaha! I mean, mas bibigyan ko ng halaga ang quality over quantity. Just the same, ganyan din ang balak ko in terms of my 'filmmaking projects'. Siguro magsusulat lang muna ako sa ngayon at kung may gustong gumamit nun, bahala na. Hahaha! Sa ngayon, mas pagtutuunan ko muna ng pansin ang aking pag-aaral...

PS:
Yes, I am not drunken nor have I taken any prohibited drugs.

MALAPIT NA

2007-01-17T19:18:00.000-08:00

Kagagaling ko lang sa departmental talk para sa mga estudyanteng may balak magshift. Nakatatawang isipin na siguro kung buhay pa ang pagkatao ko noong hayskul pa lamang ako - yung lider na Mark; marahil ay kinuha ko sa simula't sapul ang Development Studies. Marahil kung buhay pa nga iyon, sinapak ko na ang sarili ko habang ipinaliliwanag ang iba't ibang asignatura at trabahong pumapailalim dito.

Isa pa sa mga nakatawag ng aking pansin sa pagpupulong na iyon ay ang iba't ibang mga over-achievers ng mga kursong naroon. Nakatutuwang isipin ang iba't ibang mga parangal at karanasan ng mga estudyanteng nabanggit. Yun nga lang, medyo masakit din para sa akin na isiping hindi ako ganun. Naalala ko tuloy ang mga panahon kung saan napakarami kong ginagawa, yung panahon na naging katulad ko rin sila kahit paano. Dahil dito, ipinapangako ko na kapag natanggap ako sa lilipatan kong kurso, ~~susubukin kong buhayin~~ bubuhayin ko ang dating Mark - yung Mark na nag-eexcel sa halos lahat ng kanyang ginagawa mapaacademics man o extra-curricular activities. Inaamin kong nakakamiss nga ang mga panahon na kinikilala ako dahil sa mga nagawa ko; yung tipong kung saan saan ka pinapadala upang magsilbing kinatawan ng paaralan mo. Ayoko nang maging masaya dahil lamang nakakakita ako ng mga taong mas magaling sa akin; yung mababaw na kaligayahan na, "Wow. Ang galing naman nito. Sana ako rin ganyan." Marahil malapit na ngang matapos ang mga panahong isa lamang akong hamak na bum sa mga klase - yung tipong happy-go-lucky na pumupunta at gumagawa lamang ng mga gawain dahil kailangang gawin. Malapit nang matapos ang panahon ng pagpapahinga kung saan wala lang ang halos lahat ng ginagawa ko at mga panahon ng pakikipagkaibigan kung saan nakasentro ang buhay at gawain ko sa mga bagong kaibigang nakilala sa kolehiyo. Malapit na ang panahon ng pag-iisa ngunit mayroong isang konkretong indibidwal na identidad. Malapit na ang panahon na ako uli ang bida. Oo, AKO.

KONSEPTO

2007-01-17T00:34:00.000-08:00

Muntik ko nang sabihin ang pinakamalala at pinakapolitikal na paratang sa buong buhay ko. Di ko ito tinuloy sapagkat naniniwala akong may isang malaking paliwanag na naghihintay ring maibunyag gaya ng malaking kasinungalingang napag-alaman ko sa klase na siyang dapat nagpapaalab ng aking damdamin tungo sa bayan ngunit ang kabaligtaran ang nangyayari. Ngunit gustuhin ko man, hindi ko talaga magawang talikuran ang mga paniniwalang kinalakihan ko na. Subalit ang mga konseptong nawasak ay hindi ko rin alam kung gusto ko pang maayos. Ano ngayon ang gagawin ko sa lahat ng impormasyong nakalap ko? Ano ang saysay ng bayan gayong di naman ito totoo? Ano ang saysay ng lahat ng mga pagdurusa ng lahat ng mga mamamayang nabuhay para sa kanilang ilusyong bayan? Ano pa ang saysay pag-awit ng Lupang Hinirang gayong nakapanlilinlang ang mga wikang gamit? Sabihin mo sa akin, ano pang ginagawa mo? Ngunit ano nga ba ang dapat gawin?

Kailanman hindi ko inangkin ang kaisipang isa akong makabayan ngunit pagkatapos nito, ano pa nga ang saysay natin?

Ang mamatay nang dahil sa'yo... Pakiulit nga? KANINO? Pilipinas ba kamo?

TO MULTITASK

2007-01-14T00:26:00.000-08:00

Nowadays it's just so hard to focus. Sabi nga ni Sir Ricky Lee, ang henerasyon ngayon ay sanay na sanay na pagsabay-sabayin ang napakaraming mga gawain. Kung kaya't para sa mga aspiring filmmaker o film enthusiasts, napakahirap ng sitwasyon na ang dami dami mong 'kailangang' panoorin subalit wala kang panahon para makita ang lahat ng mga ito. Ganoon marahil ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I feel as if there's a lot of things I 'have' to do - I want to watch and make films, I want to write, I want to practice speaking (through kraMTV), and I want to read. And these are the things which are outside my academic life, so pano ko masisingit ang lahat ng mga ito?

Ngayong linggo ko narealize ang mga iba't ibang signs mula noong bata pa lang ako na naging dahilan kung bakit ito ang mga naging hilig ko. Through these simple ways, I realized that I did know what I wanted to do right when I was still a young kid. When I was in grade three, I together with some friends used to create these minibooks/magazines. We made use of a half sheet of paper folded and cut it then stapled and we would write things like "Book-a-book", "Pasion", "iNsEcTs", "Flants", "Puds" and "Purita and Constantina". (God I wish I know where I placed these.) When I was bored in class, I would usually do one and right after making, I would hurriedly show it to my seatmate and see his/her reaction. Aside from this, I also created my own MTV newsletter. Grade school was a time when I had this delight in watching MTV to the point when I always knew the top 10 songs every week. Because of this I even created my own top 10 list and even had articles about certain artists I like. In the field of photography, I would often become the person to watch out for in every family gathering we had as I would always take pictures of my relatives in their most awkward positions - whether they be asleep, eating or just look plain fugly. The same goes whenever I possess a video camera as I would even focus on their unflattering body parts.

Needless to say, there are a lot of things which I have done and would like to do. Sometimes I just wish that I have the time to focus in doing one thing before proceeding in doing the other. Pero sa panahon ngayon, alam nating imposible yan. Nakakamiss lang ang mga panahon na nakatuon ang buong pansin mo sa isang bagay - yung wala kang iniintinding ibang bagay (o ibang tao); yung masaya ka lang sa buhay mo habang ginagawa mo ang bagay na paborito mo.

kraMTV

2007-01-11T22:30:00.000-08:00

Hello Information Society. Sa mga nasabihan ko na, tuloy na tuloy na nga ang launching ng aking vlog (as in video blog) ang kraMTV na siyang mapapanood mula sa aking Youtube collection. Ikinalulungkot ko ngunit para sa ngayon by invitation muna ang access dito; most likely, yung mga close friends or depende kung may magrequest (which I doubt! Hahaha). Hahaha! Basically it features some highlights of my daily life - stories which I might not be able to share here because well, thanks to Google (and the clone posts in my Multiply), they could easily be traceable (at least kapag sa video di mo malalaman... *evil laugh* Hahaha! I'm kidding. Puro mga wala lang na kwento ang nilalaman nun.) So sa mga interested maview ang first episode ng kraMTV, just tell me. :D Regarding my movie review shit, I am still thinking of the possibility of doing the same thing (as in video commentary after watching a film) or kung isusulat ko na lang din (since malapit na rin lumabas ang Manggang Hilaw)

Quote of the Day: "Ang henyo ay di nakikilala sa kanyang panahon." -GinoongYapan

GOAL!

2007-01-08T02:48:00.000-08:00

Papanindigan ko na ang paratang ng karamihang tao na isa akong ubod ng pagkagoal-oriented na nilalang. And for the love of listing na sinimulan ko bago magtapos ang napakagandang taon ng 2006, heto ang listahan ko ng mga binabalak kong gawin sa taong ito (in random order):

-write 5 or more screenplays (Get another id. if you know what I'm talking about. Hahaha! Happy Moment #2 of 2006 getting a 2007 repeat.)
-direct and produce 5 or more short films of my own (of different genre; enough about love [Please... I'm sick of it already *pukes*])
-have my own regular movie review column (Kahit one paragraph per film lang! Basta from Citizen Kane to The Night Buffalo)
-be part of a school paper and have an article published (Lost in Translation Part II? :P)
-watch more (foreign language [nonEnglish]) films
-finish reading at least 20 books (Finish is the operative word here. Hahaha! 2 down)
-get better grades (at least a QPI of 3 and above [mag-aaral na si Mark... Hahaha])
-exercise regularly (Hahaha. No comment.)
-sleep longer (as if I don't sleep more than 7 hours)
-get a good editing program (Pinnacle sucks)
-find some of the DVDs I have long searched for (original of course; from Last Emperor to Match Point)
-be nicer (period)
-~~get a girlfriend~~ meet more friends
-spend less, save more (Hello caf!)
-fix my faith (Connecting... 1. 2. 3. Error in connection.)
-be more patient (Yeah right.)
-curse less (YEAH RIGHT.)
-get UP out of my head (for the rest of eternity) / no more fucking regrets
-keep my head in the clouds (sorry, I really could care less about politics right now)
-be recognized for something (something good that is)
-be fulfilled (even just a little)

2007-01-06T16:32:00.000-08:00

Ngayon lang nagregister sa utak ko na halos lahat ng ginawa ko for the past two years of my life ay malapit ko nang iflush. Sabihin mo nang exag pero yun talaga pakiramdam nun eh. Sa pagalis ko sa kinalalagyan ko ngayon, pakiramdam ko isang bago at kakaibang mundo ang papasukin ko at kailangan kong magsimula from scratch para maging lubos na matagumpay, maging masaya at pinakamahalaga, magsurvive. Ngayon ko lang napag-isip-isip na parang isang malaking kalokohan na naman ata itong gagawin ko. Ito ba talaga ang gusto ko? Puta. Kung pwede lang na may magtakda ng gagawin ko. Ayoko nang magisip pa tungkol dito. Nakakapagod na.

I CAN'T GET NO SATURATION

2007-01-05T19:17:00.000-08:00

Sa kasalukuyan, tila lumalaki ang bilang ng mga taong gustong maging artista (as in artist; a person who has inclination for the arts) Di mo ba napapansin na sa halos lahat ng sulok sa bansa o kahit sa buong mundo, sa inyong pamilya, sa paaralan o sa komunidad, ang daming gustong maging artista (as in actor/actress na mas laganap sa uring teeny bopper), direktor ng pelikula, manunulat, photographer, musikero - mga mangaawit, tagatugtog ng anumang instrumento o ang pinakapopular na kategorya na mga nagrarakrakang banda, maging ang pagiging (top) modelo o kaya naman tagadisenyo ng mga damit? Nakapagtatakang isipin na lahat ng mga taong ito ay sadyang biniyayaan ng Panginoon ng angking talento sa iba't ibang larangang nabanggit. Siya nga ba? O hindi kaya dahil sa mga pag-unlad sa iba't ibang aspeto ng pamumuhay, tila nagkakaroon ang mga kabataan sa kasalukuyan ng isang panahon ng ilusyon. Ang tinutukoy kong maaaring isang malaking dahilan kung bakit marami sa atin ngayon ang tila naeenganyong pasukin ang mga trabahong nabanggit ay ang palakas nang palakas na di mapigilang pagbabad sa media. Sa kasalukuyan, tila halos punung-puno na ang telebisyon ng mga walang kamatayang reality show gaya ng mga talent search na kung anu-ano na yatang mga larangan ang pinasok. Dahil din sa exposure ng mga kabataan ngayon sa iba't ibang uri ng media, tila nagkakaroon tayo ng motivation na kaya natin ang ginagawa nila (sapagkat mayroon tayong kani-kaniyang konsepto ng kung ano ang maganda at ano ang hindi; depende sa ating panlasa) at dahil sa alam na natin ang mga paraan kung paano pasukin ang mga larangang ito (sa pamamagitan ng mga karanasan ng mga taong naging matagumpay sa mga iba't ibang larangan na [malamang] napanood natin sa telebisyon o nabasa sa kung saan man [mapadiyaryo, magasin o blog]), tila malakas ang ating fighting spirit na pasukin ang larangan kung saan tayo 'napaibig'. Ito nga ba ang gustong gawin? May sapat na kakayanan ba? O isa nga lang kayang isang panahon ng ilusyon ang lahat ng ito? Maaaring similar ito sa kaso ng mga taong naengganyong maging nurse o noong mas maagang panahon - accountant (na alam naman natin kung ano talaga ang dahilan). Ito rin marahil ang napagdadaanan ng mga taong gustong maging doktor sapagkat adik na adik sila sa mga programang gaya ng Grey's Anatomy at House. Maging ako man, hindi ko makakaila ang posibilidad na ito nga maaari ang dahilan kung bakit gustong gusto kong pasukin ang mundo ng pelikula na sa sobrang babad ko sa larangang ito baka isa lamang talagang ilusyon ang umiiral sa aking isipan na 'THIS IS WHERE I BELONG'. Ang pinakamalungkot sa suliraning ito ay ang mga sumusunod na ubod nang nakalilitong mga katanungan - kelan titigil ang ilusyon at kung tumigil nga, ano naman ang kahihinatnan ng mga taong nalako ng malaking ilusyong ito?

ITALY: UNA ROMANZA (E COMMEDIA)

2007-01-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

[door bell]

Samantha opens the door.

[kiss]

Mike: Sorry, I got stuck on traffic.

Samantha: It's okay. So what is it you've been wanting to tell me for so long? I was surprised with your call this morning...

Mike: Uh... We'll go to that later.

Samantha: Okay... Well actually I've been meaning to tell you something too.

Mike: (What!?) Really?

Samantha: Well, come inside. Let's go to my room.

Mike: (Holy mackerel! Room?! This has got to be THE night!) Oh... Alright.

Samantha opens the door to her room to reveal a candle-lit setup on her bed.

Mike: (Holy shit!) Wow... This has got to be one special night for you eh?

Samantha: Well yeah... You've got something to tell. I've got something to tell. So I prepared something. Go! Sit!

Samantha goes out for a while and comes back with two mugs and a glass of chilled white wine.

[pop]

Samantha places the mugs on the tray and pours the wine.

Samantha: Okay so we've got the elaborate setup. Now go! Tell me!

Mike: Huh? As in right now... (Awww shucks)

Samantha: Well yeah! Why waste time. The night is young. We can party later! Now tell me!

Mike: Oh alright...

He grabs her right hand with his left hand as he used his right hand to get a diamond ring from his pocket. Before he even gets to start his ceremonial masculine proposal, Samantha breaks into laughter.

Samantha: Hahaha! What's this? You have got to be kidding me Michael! Hahaha!

Mike: Huh? What's wrong... Don't you like me too? I thought that's what you're gonna tell me too. Isn't it?

Samantha: Huh? Are you kidding me! I'm a lesbian! That's what I'm supposed to tell you! That's why I had this setup so that I can formally say goodbye to my... Well, former femalehood! Hahaha! I'm sorry... I didn't see this coming.

Mike: ...

Samantha: I am so sorry Mike. I never thought you liked me. You never made the effort to let me know... Well, up until now... But I'm sorry... I just felt it was time for me to tell you that I have a girlfriend... Her name is Kath. We're actually meeting later... Do you want to come?

Mike: ...

Mike stands up and approaches the door. He takes one last look at Samantha who is still giddy and giggling in bed with some hints of guilt.

Mike: Samantha...

Samantha: Yes Mike?

Mike: ITALY...

The door remains open and we see Mike walking as Samantha is frozen in bed.

Fin.

BABBLE

2007-01-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have this urge to write something profound although I have no idea what that is. Weeks ago I had this metaphoric article on chili peppers in mind, which I just suddenly lost interest to write about. Earlier today I had this peculiar thought of how irritating and funny it is having my mother know nothing about my (nonexistent) love life but I wouldn't want to write about that either. I also have my thoughts on how stupid, shameful, degrading, embarrassing, disgraceful, disreputable and ribald the MMFF is but I'm not in the mood to take on that (because it's pointless). I'm just losing it right now. Funny thing is that what I want to do, believe it or not, is to read; which is highly unusual if you know me. Perhaps this is the curse of the "what-you-were-doing-whilst-the-clock-strikes-twelve-during-new-year's-eve-shall-determine-what-you-will-do-and-what -will-happen-to-you-during-the-entire-year" myth. Maybe. Maybe not.

MEIN FUHRER

2006-12-31T22:15:00.000-08:00

Personally, I consider the New Year as one of the most pointless celebrations in wordly traditions. I don't know, I just don't get it. I don't like the noise. I don't care if it's there's a brand new year coming. Everything would eventually stay the same. Changes come and go regardless of time. It's not as if we're gonna be in a brand new world when the clock strikes at twelve. I really don't get it at all. However (in Simon Cowell fashion), walking after the mass made me realize how happy the people around me were - problems resolved, people getting back together, people meeting other people and all of those things. It's as if everyone, except for myself (as usual; well, I'm not really the kind of person who is happy all the time) is happy. And for that sole reason alone, I will say cheers for a Happy New Year.

7 BEFORE 07

2006-12-31T13:19:00.000-08:00

It was in the early years of this decade when I realized my hidden passion for film (filmmaking eventually). And right before another year starts, I just want to enumerate the films that have mostly affected me (why? Well, because I want to.) The movies which I am about to reveal have had me struck a personal attachment to each of them; these are the films which have one way or another influenced my way of thinking after having seen them. Yes, these are by far my favorite films of this decade (emphasis on the word favorite; these are not the films which I consider the best, however I shall also be providing a grade after each film just so you know for artistic merit and that shit; let me also note that other films could have also made this list, however I mercilessly omitted right away the films which I slept on [accidentally or not; well, that's life.]) Without further ado, let me put on my Ebert mask and present to you my Top 7 films before 2007!

Honorable Mention: Angels in America (2003)
Had this miniseries been released as a film, it would have gone as far as #2 or even #1 but this is another story which we can talk about another day.

7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
"Would you erase me?" A film that talks about the possibility of erasing the person you once loved, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has one of the most interesting screenplays I have ever read. Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman gives us this funny yet striking story about Joel and Clementine, which were wonderfully brought to life by Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet respectively. The film is also visually stimulating with the scenes taking place in Joel's head; thrilling as the characers save memories from being erased. Truly a must see for all hopeless romantics and people who love to see a great script come to life. Kram's verdict: A-

6. Cidade de Deus (2002)
Cidade de Deus or City of God is an action-packed film that gives us a picture of humanity inside a place that is heavily surrounded by crime and poverty. Director Fernando Meirelles takes us to City of God by introducing us to the wide array of characters that inhabit the place that was supposed to be a housing project in Brazil which was never really prioritized by its government. His semi-documentary style, the handheld camera and the voiceover truly secures the audience a connection with the different characters such as Rocket. A film for anyone who believes in hope in spite of the harshness of reality. Kram's verdict: A

5. A Scanner Darkly (2006)
Based on Philip K. Dick's novel, A Scanner Darkly is reminiscent of the times of President Nixon's reign where people were closely being watched by the government. Through rotoscoping, Richard Linklater was able to breathe so much life into the film as he also stayed very faithful to Dick's narrative. The film is very visually rich and boasts colorful characters well-executed most especially by Robert Downey Jr, Woody Harrelson and Rory Cochrane. It lacks heart (meaning it could have gone farther in this list) but the film's originality and style are impeccable. The best animated film I have seen in modern times, the film truly deserves an Oscar. However because of its themes, the film would be greatly appreciated by a very mature audience. Kram's verdict: A

4. Crash (2005)
Racial drama Crash defines ensemble casting. With great performances from Matt Dillon, Thandie Newton and Terrence Howard to mention a few, it is one of the most well-acted films in recent years. With Paul Haggis helming and writing the film, the audience is indeed assured of a quality and touching film. People who have seen the film will never forget the scene where Christine (Thandie Newton), who was trapped inside a car being rescued by Officer Ryan (Matt Dillon), the officer who had violated her earlier. Truly moving, the film's theme resonates loudly. A film for people who dare to be moved. Kram's verdict: A

3. 2046 (2005)
Wong Kar Wai's 2046 is a beautiful yet melancholic portrait of a writer's incapacity to love. The film is visually stunning as it is shot in anamorphic lenses. The play of colors, even the ambiance of smoke from cigarettes also gives the film its emotional atmosphere. With riveting performances from Tony Leung, Zhang Ziyi, Maggie Cheung and Takuya Kimura the audience is bound to be enthralled by the wonderful script of Wong Kar Wai brought to life by these characters. An art film that has art written in big and bold letters, 2046 can be highly appreciated by an open-minded crowd and fans of art and foreign films. Kram's verdict: A

(Here comes the hard part...)

2. Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001)
"You have to make the clitoris your best friend", Luisa tells one of the boys. Y Tu Mama Tambien is the best coming of age film I have ever seen. Perhaps it shall be more popularly known as the teen flick filled with lots of sex scenes, however one should never disregard or fail to see and feel the heart and soul of the film as it is beautifully presented by its great director Alfonso Cuaron. As it progresses, we discover the film's depth, how it speaks about life and death. Undoubtedly Maribel Verdu as Luisa is the insight of the film. Her character teaches the boys the sacredness of the act of making love that it is shared by two people; not just one benefitting from the other. I highly recommend this film to a very mature audience who can read between the lines and see beyond what can be seen onscreen. Kram's verdict: A+

(Well, you might have guessed it right.)

1. Before Sunset (2004)
Before anything else, if you've been an avid reader of my blog, I dare you to count the many references I have made to Before Sunset in all the months I have written here. They're a lot right? It just goes to show how brilliant and intelligent the film is; I can't stop talking about it each time the opportunity comes. But seriously, when does an art film get a sequel? It's the first time in history! And it's not even economically driven, Before Sunrise didn't sell as big as the first films from the (never ending) Die Hard and Terminator franchises. Now how can that be? In simple words, let me just say that Richard Linklater wanted to tell a story. In Before Sunrise he showed a picture of a young couple who had raw ideas, the peculiarity of youth and they had to separate; not leaving any kind of details because they thought it was childish and stupid. Years later, they accidentally met and they realize the great impact in their lives of their parting and the fact that they never saw each other until that day again. They had to make a choice; their own realities were at stake. What is interesting in the film is the style of how their reunion was presented. It was as if we were watching the two in real time as only a few hours were left before Jesse's plane leaves. We followed them through wherever they go and we hear everything they say. For me, it was not at all boring as every word they speak gives so much detail of how they were affected by one another since the first time they met. And this is made to appear as real as possible by the brilliant performances of Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, who in fact co-wrote the screenplay with Linklater. In the end, when one expects all questions to be answered, we never actually reach a conclusion as we encounter another open ending; and that makes the film beautiful as we are given an opportunity to put our own ideals and beliefs to the test. Clearly, this film is not at all for people who are avid viewers of commercial and visually stimulating films; it is an intelligent film that requires an intelligent and mature audience or plainly, someone who can appreciate art and listen to a good conversation. As Mr. Ricky Lee had taught me, what you see onscreen is merely 40% of the film, the rest can be found in the underlying themes beneath the sights and sounds; inevitably, Before Sunset has the full 100%. Kram's verdict: A+

WENT

2006-12-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

Okay my vague 5-minute flick is slowly starting to take some form. I have this idea - remember Maureen and Joanne from Rent; Maureen dumping Mark for Joanne Well, I want to dig into that since we weren't really able to see how that really took place. So here's my concept - we have a heterosexual couple and the guy is about the propose to the girl; however, the girl interrupts to tell the guy that she is dumping him for, well you guessed it right... another woman. I'm seeing the guy's reaction as a combination of Shaun's (from Shaun of the Dead) and Dan's (from Closer) Weird? Well, this is supposed to be a comedy (and as of now, I do have an idea of the perfect guy who could play the role smoothly). I'm not sure how to end this and make everything clear within just 5 minutes but after watching Dot the I, I'm sort of inspired to do a one continuous shoot of the entire thing and after the guy leaves, the girl talks to the camera; thus, revealing that there is someone else in the room and the entire girl-breaking-up-with-the-guy thing is just a cover-up for their secret relationship. (Well, what do you know, you've just been spoiled! Haha.) Well, I'm not actually sure if this is what I'm gonna do. I still want to pursue my frustration of making something like Shaun of the Dead (without the zombies of course) and at the same time make something that could be relevant as much as possible. Well, I don't know. I guess after two quite serious topics I've dealt with (identity and relationships) I think it's about time for me to just have some kick ass fun.

PS: Oh and yeah, I'm open for collaboration with this thing (perhaps with someone who is familiar and is a fan of Bill Murray). Stupid goofball ideas shall be mercilessly rejected. :P

REELY

2006-12-30T15:23:00.000-08:00

While walking along the street I heard an alarm clock ringing and it sounded exactly as the one I used in my short.

CHAROLASTRAS!

2006-12-30T01:33:00.000-08:00

La vida tiene sus maneras de enseñarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de confundirnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de cambiarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de asombrarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de herirnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de curarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de inspirarnos.

Okay kill me. Ngayon ko lang napanood ang Y Tu Mama Tambien. :| And holy freaking cow! It's arguably the best film I've seen in recent years (saying in recent years, I mean films released after I was born). But seriously, the film's depth keeps on unveiling as the film progresses. To hell! I almost drowned in the last scene! Don't get me wrong; it's not at all about the sex, nudity and all that. Seriously, if you've seen the film; go see it again. God. It's effing brilliant! I can't even speak straight right now. There's more to it than the mythical sex film it's being dubbed all over - it's so much more than that. It speaks so much about life and it is indeed beautiful. It's brilliant I am telling you! So if you've been living under a rock like I had been, go get a copy of this film and watch it! Ewan ko lang ah, pero sa kin sapul talaga eh...

Life has its way of teaching us. Life has its way of confusing us. Life has its way of changing us. Life has its way of astonishing us. Life has its way of hurting us. Life has its way of curing us. Life has its way of inspiring us.

I am inspired indeed...

Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.

JE T'AIME, JE T'AIME

2006-12-28T19:33:00.000-08:00

Reading Gates of Eden + Fantasizing Paris Je T'aime + Commemorating Before Sunset + Loving The Follow + Wanting to write again + Outdoing myself - Pressures of Editing = A brand new 5-minute short film in the works :)

On second thought, I think I'm pretty much done talking about the peculiar subject that is love for now so perhaps you could expect something like this...

Or even something as crazy as this...

Paris, Je T'aime. Je t'aime beaucoup. :P

TO READ

2006-12-27T23:50:00.000-08:00

I am on a pursuit of knowledge slash inspiration. I won't be going online for quite some time for I want to try to break the habit of myself hating the task of reading. I will find my comfortable place somewhere here and read the bazillions of books I have long bought through the years which I have never touched (or perhaps just read the first page or so [what a floozy!]) while listening to Radiohead, Jon Brion and Damien Rice. After finishing 10 books (alright, let's be realistic... 5! [Hahaha!]) I shall reward myself with a marathon of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Closer, Lost in Translation, Broken Flowers, Vanilla Sky, Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. As of now, the targets are Little Children (I have to say, Kate Winslet is emerging as one of my favorite actresses [wait, we're talking about literature here, not movie adaptations {I'm turning Gollum here! Oh and yes, Little Children's my darkhorse Oscar bet this year.}]), The English Patient, Breakfast on Pluto, A Scanner Darkly (Oh wait, I think I'll read this after seeing the film), Death in Venice, Specimen Days and just now, I am on my way in finishing Ethan Coen's first book Gates of Eden (which I bought on bargain by the way [used to sell for P595 but I got it only for P150 [Christmas sales are sa-weet!]) Oh and yes... This will play a vital role in the creation of my next screenplay cum short story.

AMAZING SOUNDS OF ORGY

2006-12-26T20:54:00.000-08:00

Today I got serenaded by nuns, got a matinee idol of the 90's hairdo, watched Rent once again, had dinner with friends, took photos of my relatives as they ate and had them watch my two shorts. Let me focus on the last one. I can now therefore conclude that everybody (well, not exactly; perhaps the majority) hates id. Well it's nothing like Spiderman for sure. I don't know, after they watched it, I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were in some sort of way, ticked off either by the boredom created by the slow pacing or they just plainly didn't like it. Onto the more exciting part - when I started the day, I knew I didn't want anyone else to see Oneironauts just yet; after all, it's still a mess. However, I don't know, some force just made me make them see it; and that's what I did. And as soon as Jon Brion started singing Strings That Tie To You, I was just surprised to hear the words I wasn't really expecting for now - "maganda". Heavy praises are attributed to the actors (Kay especially). They got the twist and the burning question in the end - which is good. Perhaps right now, I don't know, I might have dug my own grave (after having said all these) if this flops. Well, I'm just relaying information. What's amazing is that when I was watching it with them - there was this sense of pride that made me say to myself "Hey, I made this film." I was proud and happy. Only a few adjustments are needed and I can really make this one good (if not great). And what do you know, I didn't even needed to put the animation sequences to impress. I'm just happy right now so pardon the arrogance if there is a hint of it. From id. to Oneironauts. Goodbye course, hello filmmaking. The only question that remains for now is am I welcome? That I still have to see.But as Kay would say, "Right now, I just wanna be happy".

A _____ YEAR

2006-12-26T02:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome to candid camera. Another 365 days have gone and passed. Great things have happened while here are those that just made the year suck. Today, however, I'll focus on the great things. Here are the 10 best moments of my life as a psychotic 18-year old (in random order [well, sort of]):

Computer-less
Not having a computer just sucks and this happened to me for almost 3 weeks this year. However, there was this one night when God realized how lonely I was, having someone text me in the middle of the night. I can't really elaborate on what we talked about (due to my anonymity rule, which I must strictly impose here [for reasons I don't know]) that made it special but all I can say is that the conversation I had during that moment was memorable indeed.

Shooting Oneironauts
I have spent the past few days shooting my 2nd short film (this is based on A.I. [as in after id.]) and it was a blast. I would like to thank the cast and crew for the fun end enjoyable moments; for the professionalism and the greatness. I am still having a great dilemma in editing but having seen all scenes just affirms the fact that it was a great shoot.

Watching 2046
I have never been a fan of Asian films. However, seeing this movie made me think otherwise. It was a very beautiful film in stunning anamorphic glory. The story was brilliant and the actors superb. What more can I ask for? Cheers to Wong Kar Wai, the captivating Zhang Ziyi, the train scenes and the black and white scene. I might take back my statement of Crash being my film of the year last year; 2046 (it was released last year) is beautiful - never seen anything like it before.

The Pink Camera
Surprise suprise! Mark gets a pink camera for no apparent reason. The day I got this was also the day an illusion turned real; and yes, the day my one-time-shit theory exploded. I have a funny feeling the person who gave me this is laughing right now; well, I could be wrong. :P

Seeing Annie Hall in Philippine Soil
Yahoo could imagine how much I wanted to get a copy of Annie Hall as I always kept on telling my relatives abroad to give me one. This became futile when I saw a copy on Megamall; the same place where I got 2001: A Space Odyssey, Blowup, Dr. Strangelove and 2046. Hooray for Megamall.

Getting Citizen Kane
Like Annie Hall, I have long dreamed of getting this director's must-see film. This wish was granted as my cousin found out my struggles with amateur filmmaking. It's one of my most treasured films in my DVD collection; not to mention being part of my not for rent list.

Receiving the big Stanley Kubrick book
I'm not really optimistic about getting gifts for Christmas because I imagine the many underwears, socks and oversized shirts I've gotten for the past 18 years. This would then be broken by an unexpected gift from a good friend. Yes, thank you once again.

Onto the more serious moments that affected my pathetic life. You might think I'm just plainly materialistic; well, you may be right but I'd rather prefer the term shallow, thank you. Hahaha. :P

Scriptwriting Talk with Mr. Ricky Lee
This was the moment where I knew that I just gotta get out of my course. Of course, it was a privilege to have attended a 'class' that featured Philippine legend Ricky Lee. From that moment on, I knew what I really wanted to do and it's not really much about filmmaking, it's really more about writing. Interesting.

Winning Best Script for id.
This is clearly one of THE most unexpected and genuinely happy moments I've had in my entire f*cking life. I was really not expecting to take anything home that night. The production of id. was a nightmare and having something like this just proves its worth. Of course, this serves as an assurance of my last statement in the previous moment.

Secret
Two words: Before Sunrise. Perhaps the people I talked to during one fine Sunday during the latter part of this year would know what exactly I am talking about. It was the time when I acted very very funny (not humorous but funny; as in funny [this is like Nooni]) thanks to a very very funny (again not humorous but funny) incident that happened earlier that night (I'm referring to midnight and the earlier parts of the day here) I can't really elaborate much on this but I'm telling you, during that moment. I was happy. Very very happy.

MUSH

2006-12-25T17:21:00.000-08:00

I had just finished editing my new short film minus the animation parts (now demoted to classic black and white). As the rabid critic that I am, in the light of objectivity, I have to say that it is a big pile of mush (I don't know if that's bad or good though). Having said that, I need another pair of eyes. I need another editor - a good one please. Interested people may email skttrbrain4tet@gmail.com Thank you.

Update: I had my mom watch it for the first time and she said she was kind of blown away. I think that's a good sign. At least now I know the commercial aspect (the mushiness, that is) didn't overpower the experimental nature of the story.

GROW OLD WITH YOU

2006-12-25T01:04:00.000-08:00

Right after the mass I saw an old couple walking along the road as they held hands. It was a beautiful and romantic sight to see. I wanted to take a photo of them but I didn't. I was too captivated thinking about their love for one another. I realized that if that is love and I could expect something like that when I and whoever I am with at that time, then I'd like to experience it. It's something worth looking forward to. I don't know if this is a long term thing but as of now, yes, I do want to feel that when I get old.

Merry Christmas.

HAPPY

2006-12-22T22:21:00.000-08:00

Kay and Jesse. Isang eksena mula sa Oneironauts. (Pinaglaruan nang kaunti ang imahe.)

Malapit nang matapos ang araw na pinakahihintay ko. Bagamat hindi ko natapos ang mga gawaing itinakda ko, masaya pa rin ako sa mga nagawa ko ngayong araw na to. Karamihan dito ay nakamit ko sa tulong ng mga paborito kong mga tao ngayon (mamaya ko na kayo pasasalamatan nang isa-isa kapag natapos na natin ang lahat, pero sasabihin ko na rin ngayon na maraming maraming salamat sa tulong at suporta; isang eksena na lang - it's a wrap na!) Hindi ko pa masasabi kung ito na nga ang pinakamaganda kong nagawa sa ngayon pero para sa akin, ito talaga yung paborito ko. Kung malapit kayo sa akin, siguro alam niyo na rin kung bakit (pero ngayon ko na rin sasabihin, kung nais niyong malaman ang totoong kahulugan ng pelikula - hindi talaga to maganda; lalo na para sa mga sawi sa pag-ibig na umaasang pag-ibig; hayaan niyo, pag napanood niyo at tinutukan niyo nang maigi ang tunay na kuwento, malalaman niyo rin ang sinasabi ko.) Kabaligtaran sa nangyari sa nakaraan kong paggawa ng pelikula ang nararamdaman ko ngayon - wala talagang bahid ng inis o lungkot; lahat masaya lalo na kapag ang mga katrabaho ay mayroong napakalakas na pakiramdam ng kagalakan sa kanilang trabaho. Isang eksena na lang. Isang eksena na lang. Kaya natin to. Chocolate Kiss uli! (Ay ewan pala, nilayasan na ko ni Ninoy pati nina Jose Abad Santos. Titignan pa kung may laman si Babe. Hahaha.)

PS:
Maraming salamat din nga pala sa lugar kung saan kami nakisaksak nang naubos ang baterya ng camera.

SKTTRBRAIN

2006-12-22T02:46:00.000-08:00

I just woke up from yet another weird dream. The first part involved perhaps a foreshadowing of what is to happen today - the supposed final shooting of my 3rd short (or perhaps 1st A.I. [after id.]) as I think I remember seeing the actor and my production partners in the film there. However, at some point in time, I don't know how it came about but I was suddenly watching a live shooting of an animated film. Yes I think I remember seeing animated people move and go about. It was Keanu Reeves and a girl (who may either be the real actress I'm working with right now or Winona Ryder [who is in fact the former's co-star in A Scanner Darkly, the film which I think I am watching, which I realized just now that it isn't because I don't think that film had any romance in its theme; it was more like my perception of the film that would succeed Before Sunset only more... I don't know, thrilling - just like my work {Gobi for instance and my other film noir ideas locked up in my head}? {so in fact, my analysis that I could probably be involved in the actual shooting might actually have a sense of truth}] I don't know) who in the last scene were sitting in perhaps a dining room of a small unit and then a man who is stealthed, looking like an exposed picture, appears and gets a gun then shoots Keanu and then the girl. After that I felt a combination of shock and depression for artistic reasons I have yet to reflect on. Soon after that I woke up to see my actress asking me to wake her up in case her alarm clock fails to do so.

What a beautiful way to begin my day. This day has indeed been the most anticipated day for me this year. I am hoping to accomplish everything I had established in reality and in my head. Otherwise, I might have to get myself a revolver and shoot myself or get another person's girl and let the guy shoot me or better yet, just pray that I die like Gandhi - have an assassin shoot me three times whilst I whisper the words "I am a filmmaker" (in Indian accent of course [like Apu!]). I am psyched to finish production and thanks to my dream, start writing another one.

INCONSISTENCIES

2006-12-19T23:23:00.000-08:00

Sabi ng isang doktor masyado raw akong goal-oriented na kailangan ko raw ipakita ang more 'human' side ng aking persona. Naaalala ko minsan may nagsabi rin sa akin na masyado naman daw akong madrama. Gusto niyo pa ng isang nakalilitong sitwasyon? Sa klaseng kinabibilangan ko, kilala ako bilang isa sa mga pinaka-loud samantalang sa organisasyon ko sa kabilang mundo, nakuha pa akong pangalanan bilang ang taong may pinakakaunting salitang winika. Conflicting ba? Ang masasabi ko lang dyan, may panahon para sa iba't ibang ugali. Depende na lang siguro kung sino ang kasama ko at ano ang nararamdaman ko, kung ano ang magiging pakikitungo ko. Pero don't get me wrong, hindi yun hypocrisy. Marahil may kaunting pagsuot ng maskara pero overall, isa lamang itong pagtatantya; kumbaga, chinecheck ko pa ang temperatura ng tubig. May mga bahaging nakaakma na ang tamang lamig kung kaya nakakikilos na ako nang maayos habang mayroon ding mga bahaging di pa ako gaano sanay. Pero paminsan minsan, hindi ba't mas masarap ang pakiramdam kung nakalutang ka lang sa tubig nang walang kamalay malay sa paligid hangga't alam mong buhay ka pa, payapa ka, aanod ka na lang, saan ka man dalhin ng tubig.

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung ano na naman itong mga pinagsasabi ko. Gusto ko lang magpatuloy nang magpatuloy sa pagsasalita. Parang agos na walang tigil na umaanod. Mataas nga siguro ang current sa gabing ito. Ang buwan at ang mga bituin, patuloy akong kinukulit. Ayaw tumigil. Mawawala't lilitaw. Napakamapaglaro. Patuloy na nanunukso. Wala namang saysay. Wala nga ba?

Pasensya na mambabasa, ulo ko'y nabasag na naman muli. Gusto ko na lang managinip. Hayaang maglakbay ang aking kaluluwa. Lulutang lutang sa himpapawid. Maglalakbay sa kung saan mang paroroonan. Sana ganun na lang kasimple ang buhay. Pano nga kung ang lahat ng ito ay isa lamang na napakatinding lucid dream? Sa aking paggising, ano kaya ang aking masisilayan?

HERE I COM! (PUN INTENDED)

2006-12-17T21:40:00.000-08:00

I think I just thought of my thesis proposal for 4th year.

SING ME TO SLEEP

2006-12-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

The song Unplayed Piano by Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan is my if not, one of my favorite songs of all time. It's one of those songs that gives a beautiful picture whenever I hear it - a couple chasing each other under the bright sun; then later on they stumble and tickle one another as they lie on the grass, laughing and just being in the moment; then they just stop and stare at each other, a bit later on they burst out laughing; they're just being in the moment. Being in the moment, it's one of the most beautiful experiences one would ever have in life.

Come and see me

Sing me to sleep
Come and free me
Hold me if I need to weep
Maybe it's not the season
Maybe it's not the year
Maybe there's no good reason
Why I'm locked up inside
Just cause they wanna hide me
The moon goes bright
The darker they make my night

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed piano
Still holds a tune
Lock on the lid
In a stale, stale room
Maybe it's not that easy
Or maybe it's not that hard
Maybe they could release me
Let the people decide
I've got nothing to hide
I've done nothing wrong
So why have I been here so long?

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed piano
Still holds a tune
Years pass by
In the changing of the moon

ANIMATE ME

2006-12-17T15:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it just feels so good being all alone. It's that one thing I'll never be tired of doing. Isn't it ironic? The truth is that I've probably established in my head the possibility of living alone one day; and I'm really fine with that. I don't know; maybe I'm not really good at maintaining relationships. Maybe that's the reason why I believe in stories like that of Jesse and Celine's. Maybe that's the reason why I created Oneironauts. Maybe that's the reason why I am into animation nowadays. There's only that certain sense of longing. However, no expectations exist - I just love the prospects.

Whether I've found what I'm looking for or not (actually I don't even know if I am looking for something or not; or if I am, I don't know what it is) I'm just gonna keep on living this thing - this life, if it does indeed deserve to be called as one.

DUDE, WHERE'S MY ID?

2006-12-16T00:37:00.000-08:00

For some apparent reason, it appears that there exists another person who I share the same name with. So much for my bitterness with the American actor Mark Pellegrino. Well, I never actually thought of a person having the same name as I do; maybe that explains the dozens of Friendster friend requests I've been receiving lately.

Kung iisipin mo nakakatawa talaga eh no? Kung sakaling sumikat yan, pwedeng magamit yung mga info sa kin para sa kung anumang masamang kaugalian sa industriya; kung tutuusin bago lumantad yan paghinanap mo yung pangalan ko sa Google na may mga panipit, puro sa kin talaga yung mga lumalabas na impormasyon tapos ngayon may kahati na; mukhang mahihirapan na akong magtrack ng mga anomalies tungkol sa kin. Baka nga di magtagal may makuha na ako kaagad na mga hate mail na nagsasaad na isa akong impostor! Pero ayos lang, kilala ko naman kung sino ako at wala nang makapagbabago nun.

Pero as of now, I think it would be a good idea to change my name in Friendster. Hahaha. Parang di ata magandang makatanggap ng mga testi na di naman talaga para sa kin. So much for identity. Kung sa bagay, si Michael J. Fox nga eh, ang tunay na pangalan talaga nun eh Michael Douglas.

BELIZE

2006-12-14T11:36:00.000-08:00

Belize: You know what your problem is, Louis? Your problem is that you are so full of piping hot crap that the mention of your name draws flies. Just to set the record straight: I love Prior but was never in love with him. I have a man, uptown, and have since long before I first laid my eyes on the sorry-ass sight of you. But you didn’t know cause you never bothered to ask. Up in the air, just like that angel, too far off the earth to pick out the details. Louis and his big ideas. Big ideas are all you love. America is what Louis loves. Well I hate America, Louis. I hate this country. It's just big ideas, and stories, and people dying, and people like you. The white cracker who wrote the national anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word 'free' to a note so high nobody can reach it. That was deliberate. Nothing on earth sounds less like freedom to me. You come to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean. I live in America, Louis, that's hard enough, I don't have to love it. You do that. Everybody's got to love something.

SILENT NIGHT

2006-12-13T22:52:00.000-08:00

For some strange reason, naisipan kong silipin muli after a long time ang mga larawan niya ngayon. Suddenly, bigla kong naalala yung isang moment na yun kung saan nalaman kong minahal din pala niya ako. It made me think - ano nga ba uli ang dahilan why it never worked? Ah ayun... Iniwasan niya ako. For reasons still unknown up to this moment she decided to tell that and never show her face nor even utter a single fucking letter for crying out loud. Malungkot, maaaring noon; ngayon who cares? When I think about it now, mabuti nang ganun ang nangyari. Siguro a year and some months ago, pinagsisisihan ko pa rin siguro at ikinagagalit kung bakit naudlot yun when everything was almost set. Pero gaya nga ng nangyayari sa pelikula - the girl never showed up. Alam mo kung bakit ko sinasabi 'to? Kasi ngayon masasabi ko na nang buong tapang na I have indeed moved on. Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi andyan ka. Pasensya na pero I couldn't offer any other better explanation than that. Gusto ko lang na malaman mo.

PAPEL

2006-12-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

May kopya na ako ng curriculum ng Com. Mukha siyang masaya. Sa kabilang dako, may lalong gumulo ng isip ko. Kakatapos ko pa lang kausapin yung guidance counselor, mukhang mapapabalik ako kagad uli.

Bagong pag-iisipan: Dahil sa aking anti-social nature, ano kaya hitsura ko kung wala akong kasabay kumain kapag break? Kaya sa lahat ng mga may malasakit dyan, pag nakita niyo akong mag-isa sa sec walk o kaya sa caf lapitan niyo na lang ako. Hahaha. Kaawa-awang nilalang. Sa kabilang dako, hello savings, hello money. Hahaha.

ONE LINER

2006-12-11T17:21:00.000-08:00

Sa aking pag-uwi nakita ko yung dati kong crush noong preschool pa lang ako ngunit bago pa man ako nakaisip ng kung ano bigla akong napatingin sa likod at nakita ko ang pangalan mo.

GANESH OF CHAIN LETTERS

2006-12-09T17:34:00.000-08:00

Isang malabong kaisipan muli sponsored by the hemispheres of my brain.

Early this morning, for the bazillionth time, may natanggap na naman akong chain letter this time through email. Ang nagsend ng naturang mail ay isang lalaking itago na lang natin sa ngalang rickylo@domain. Dahil dito, bigla tuloy akong napaisip. Pano kaya kung may mga taong naniniwala talaga sa mga ganitong klase ng 'paniniwala'? As in yung tipong gagawin talaga ang lahat para masend kasi feel niya kapag di niya nasend mangyayari yung anumang sumpa dun sa chain letter. Tapos coincidentally pagkasend na pagkasend niya nangyari yung anumang biyaya na nakalagay sa chain letter. Kung sa gayon, sufficient na kaya ang paniniwalang ito para makabuo siya ng relihiyon? Kung sa gayon, sino kaya ang sasambahin nila - yung sulat mismo o magkakaroon ng isang propeta o di kaya magmamanifest ang isang Ganesh ng chain letters?

PAANO KO SASABIHIN?

2006-12-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

Heto na naman ang isang hilaw na konsepto. Tungkol ito sa isang napakakontrobersyal na paksa (para sa manunulat) - ang usaping pag-ibig. Magulo pa ang mga argumento pero susubukin kong ipaliwanag sa abot ng aking makakaya. Hindi ko sigurado kung narinig na ito sa kung anumang uri ng media pero napaisip lang ako - paano nga ba maghayag ng pag-ibig? Ano ang kailangang sabihin o gawin?

Sa usapin ng paglalahad ng pagmamahal, pag-isipan mo ito - kung tutuusin tila napakadali lamang namang sabihin ng mga salitang 'mahal kita' sapagkat marami kang paraan para sabihin ito. Kung isa ka naman sa mga sawang sawa na sa konseptong ito, sasabihin mong mas makabubuti kung ipaparamdam mo sa taong minamahal mo ang anumang iyong tunay na nararamdaman na siyang naipamamalas sa mga gawaing pagbibigay ng mga regalo o di kaya pagiging malapit, maalalahanin at mapanuyo na kung tutuusin ay di rin naman ganun kahirap. Paano mo ngayon maipapakita at magagawan ng konkretong manipestasyon ang mga kasabihang paulit-ulit na ginagamit ng mga manunuyo sa kanilang mga niligawan na tila nagbabago na rin kasabay ng paglipas ng panahon? Sa kabilang dako, pano mo maipapakita na sagad sa iyong kaluluwa ang mga kilos na iyong ipinararamdam sa taong minamahal mo (Halimbawa: Ang kaibahan ng pagbigay ng isang mayamang konyo ng isang kahon ng mamahalin Ferrero sa pagregalo ng isang normal na tao ng isang pirasong rosas; ngunit sasabihin ko rin sa iyo na kahit sa ganitong kundisyon ay mayroon pa ring nakapipigil o nakababawas ng tunay na pakiramdam sapagkat alam nating ito na ang nakasanayan; alam natin kung ano ang pagkakaiba, ang timbang.)

Halos sa lahat na lang ng mga palabas at pelikula, pag-ibig ang pinapaksa. At sa napakaraming imaheng ipinapakita, paulit-ulit nating naririnig ang mga walang sawang linyang paulit-ulit na isinasambit ng lalaking manunuyo sa kanyang iniirog. Hindi ko talaga lubos maintindihan kung paano nagkakaroon ng epekto ang mga ito datapwat alam nating ito na ang nakasanayan; alam na ng mga kalalakihan kung ano ang mga dapat sabihin; ang mga circumstance kung saan nila maaaring maipakita ang kanilang 'nararamdaman'. Dahil sa paulit-uli na mga imaheng ito di ko mapigilang di isipin na di talaga pag-ibig ang dahilan ng mga panunuyong ito. Dahil alam na ng lalaki kung paano suyuin ang babae, di kaya ginagamit lamang niya ang mga nakagawian na o ang mga alam na paraan upang makuha ang kanilang kagustuhan - hindi ang pag-ibig kung hindi ang babae mismo na sa salita ng mga iba ay nagsisilbi lamang na tropeyo ng mga makasarili? Hindi kaya ito ang dahilan kung bakit maraming mga mag-asawa ngayon ang naghihiwalay? Hindi sa isinusulong ko na lalong pahirapan ng mga kababaihan ang mga lalaki sa kanilang panunuyo pero isipin mo ito - kaya ka nga sinusuyo upang mapatunayan nila ang kanilang mga sarili; paano nila mapapatunayan ang kanilang sarili kung gagamitin lamang nila ang mga estilong nagamit na noong unang panahon (di ko sinasabing parehong-pareho pero hindi ba't halos magkahawig lamang?; nag-evolve lang sa paglipas ng panahon [syempre sa panahon ngayon saan ka naman makakarinig sa Maynila ng lalaking magsasambit ng mga wikang 'iniirog kita'?]) di ba't di kaaya-ayang isipin na sinagot mo lamang siya dahil alam niya ang mga dapat gawin na di kaagad nangangahulugan na ito talaga ang kanyang nararamdaman (ano naman kung sabihin kita ng 'I love you' eh halos lahat naman ng tao sinasabi yun; wag ding gawing dahilan ang paraan ng pagsabi dahil tila sa panahon ngayon isa nang talento ng lahat ng mga tao ang pambobola)?

Dahil sa konseptong ito (bagamat malabo pa), nakabuo na ako ng isang mas makatotohanang depinisyon kung paano mo maihahayag ang pag-ibig - hindi mo ito makakamit sa pamamagitan ng mga salitang 'mahal kita', 'I love you', 'ti amo', etc; hindi mo rin ito maipapakita sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay ng mga mamahaling regalo o pagpaparamdam ng kung anumang mapagbalatkayong 'I care for you' o 'I'm here for you'. Sa tunay na pagpapahayag ng pag-ibig, kung anuman ang mga bagay na hindi mo inaakalang magagawa mo o masasabi sa normal na pakikitungo o sa pang-araw-araw na pamumuhay mo at nagawa o nasabi mo ito sa taong iniibig mo, ito ang tunay na pag-ibig. Napakahilaw na kaisipan pero gaya ng palaging sinasabi ng kababaihan, alam nila ito kapag napaharap sila sa ganitong sitwasyon (woman's instinct ika nga). Hindi mo kailangan ng isang ispesipikong bagay o gawain, di rin naman dapat superficial, pero alam mo naman siguro ang magagawa mo sa di mo magagawa nang tunay. Ngayon ang tangi kong prinoproblema - datapwat sobrang gasgas na ng mga salitang 'I love you' ano nga ba ang mga salitang maaaring maipalit nang pansamantala na may tinataglay na epekto gaya ng mga salitang 'I love you' noong mga panahong napakalaki at napakalakas pa ng kahulugan nito?

Gaya ng nabanggit sa panimula, isa lamang itong paglalaro ng isip ng manunulat. Paumanhin sa mga naguluhan at walang naintindihan.

BAD DAY

2006-12-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

The title says it all. Imagine sleeping accidentally while reading a required reading, waking up late as you screw up everything else you planned on doing, thinking your cellphone fell on the way to school so you run after the FX you just rode to see that it's not there, breaking your no-absence-and-late-streak, going back home as soon as you're free to see your cellphone lying peacefully on top of your pillow, going back to eat, breaking your free time to pick up something unknown while it's raining and now I can't sleep as I need to finish reading a lovely long epic; what a beaut ain't it?

Kung sa bagay, at the end of the day, I still own Park Place and Boardwalk (making me win, back to back) and "a thing all the girls would just die to have because it's sooo cute".

Hit it Daniel Powter!

LA-DI-DA LA-DI-DA LA-LA

2006-12-02T00:31:00.000-08:00

After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.

-Alvy Singer, Annie Hall

FANTASIA

2006-12-01T16:54:00.000-08:00

Having seen The Sorcerer's Apprentice for the first time in many years was indeed nostalgic. Watching Walt Disney's Fantasia is one of my most memorable experiences as a child. I loved the play of images - the colors and the motion with the accompaniment of classical music. It was always a treat watching that feature length concerto. How I long to see the mythological gods once more, the dancing hippo chased after by alligators, the shift of one season to another. Seeing Mickey Mouse's struggle with the broom and magic was more biographical than mere illusionary entertainment. Did you know that The Sorcerer's Apprentice was created as Mickey Mouse's comeback role? Who ever knew that even cartoon characters (most especially Mickey) struggled to stay in the limelight? According to Wikipedia (my favorite site of this moment), Mickey Mouse wasn't well received as Walt Disney hoped he would be; Donald Duck was considered more profitable as more fans loved the helium-voiced duck. And to add insult to injury, the now popular mouse wasn't even the first character conceived to play the role; Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves was the writers' first choice as opposed to Walt Disney's choice of Mickey Mouse. In the end, The Sorcerer's Apprentice came to be one of the most popular roles played by Mickey Mouse. Having watched that segment again with the kind of thinking I have now made me realize how intelligent it was. Pure genius, as you may put it. How I hope to create something like this in the future.

PS:
Well, what do you know, it's December already. 25 days to go before my birthday. So if you're a kind soul who's willing to give me a present - a DVD of the original Fantasia would be most perfect. Hahaha. Oh and yeah, I've finally found Annie Hall, so you may cross that out in my wish list; well, not unless you're willing to order me one from the US. Hahaha. Asa pa kong may magreregalo. Hahaha.

UNPLAYED PIANO

2006-11-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

And the toughest test of the moment is learning how to resist that special-kind-of-smile whenever I hear your name...

RECENT DEVELOPMENTS

2006-11-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

On school:
I have yet to speak to a guidance counselor. I have to wait two more weeks to get the chance to do so. However, I had just received information on what perhaps may be the biggest factor that would make me discontinue this plan. This I still have to confirm. Note that I am still 90% positive in the pursuit of this shift.

On religion:
I had just realized that I am a practical atheist of sorts. It's a shame actually. I think I need to work on this sometime really soon.

On politics:
I am a qualified yet unregistered voter. Next topic please.

On career:
I have finally created a concrete vision of what my next short film would look like. I am excited to begin working on it. I just hope I have the time to do so; I hope the actors would have the time too or else goodbye concept.

On friendship:
I've been somewhat cheesy lately. What is up with that? I just hope that this cheesiness would have a purpose else, I'd look like a total fool later on. Hahaha. On second thought, I have been benefitting from some perks and compliments (and yeah, bitterness) from many people. I think that would be a good consolation but please, let me leave! Hahaha.

On love:
*cricket sounds* Next topic please. Hahaha.

On life:
As Mary Katherine Gallagher would say, I think my emotions would be best represented by a quote from the short film The Follow, from the BMW series The Hire:

There's always something waiting at the end of the road. If you're not willing to see what it is, you shouldn't be out there in the first place.

There's always something waiting at the end of the road. If you're not willing to see what it is, you shouldn't be out there in the first place.

There's always something waiting at the end of the road. If you're not willing to see what it is, you shouldn't be out there in the first place.

FINAL ANSWER?

2006-11-25T23:31:00.000-08:00

Paunawa: Ang sulatin na ito ay binubuo ng mga salita at konseptong ubod ng keso (bagamat makatotohanan at taimtim). Kung di mo ninanais na makabasa ng ganitong klaseng panunulat, wag ka nang magabala at mamili ka na lang dyan sa bandang kanan ng monitor mo ng ibang mga sulating maaari mong basahin.

Nakapagpasya na ako. Nasabihan ko na ang mga taong dapat sabihan. Sa Lunes, sisimulan ko nang gawin ang mga hakbang upang tuluyan nang maging opisyal ang aking pag-alis at paglipat. Desidido na talaga ako. Wala na sigurong makapipigil pa sa akin.

Pero alam mo, kahit alam kong isang malaking kalokohan ang pagpasok ko sa pinasukan kong ito, wala akong kahit anong pagsisising nararamdaman. Nangyari na ang mga nangyari; di na mapapalitan ang mga iyon. At dahil na rin sa mga pangyayaring iyon, nabuo ang pagkatao ko kung anuman ito ngayon. Kahit may mga pagkakataong gusto ko na talagang sumabog dahil sa mga kabwisitang nararanasan ko sa mga asignaturang ewan ko ba kung bakit ko kinukuha, masasabi kong naging masaya na rin ako sa mga karanasang iyon. Sa mga pagkakaibigang nabuo, mga kwentong naibahagi, mga buhay na nakasalimuha - maraming salamat. Malugod kong ikinararangal ang lahat ng mga iyon. Salamat tiwalang ipinagkaloob niyo sa akin. Alam kong napakaaga pa para sabihin ko ang mga ito pero pakiramdam ko kailangan ko nang sabihin habang natural pa yung pakiramdam. Alam niyo naman ako, kung paano ko minsan maging di sensitibo sa mga pangyayari. Kaya muli, salamat kaibigan.

Nakatutuwa rin ang mga magandang feedback mula sa ilang mga kaibigang nasabihan ko na nito lalo na yung sobrang lakas ng assurance na tama itong ginagawa ko, na hindi lang dahil gusto ko datapwat ito talaga yung nakatakda kong gawin. Ang sarap mapakinggan ng mga ganun. Yun lang talaga ang kailangan ko sa ngayon.

Sa ngayon, kaba talaga ang pangunahing nararamdaman ko, maliban sa excitement. Ewan ko ba. Para tong isang eksena sa pelikula, yung magigising yung bida sa gitna ng gabi na tila may tumatawag sa kanya; di niya alam kung ano iyon, ano ang mangyayari sa kanya pero sobrang lakas ng pakiramdam niya na may halong tuwa at kagalakan kung kaya sinusundan niya ito kahit di siya gaano kasigurado basta alam niya na gusto niya. Medyo malabo. Isipin mo na lang yung eksena sa Lord of the Rings: Two Towers... Nasa Fangorn Forest si Aragorn, Gimli at Legolas tapos may naramdaman silang kakaibang nilalang na yun pala, si Gandalf! Parang ganun. Kakaiba talaga yung pakiramdam excitement na may halong kaba. May isa pa kong halimbawa pero wag na lang, wholesome ako ngayon.

Hindi pa siguro ito ang huling pagpapasya ko tungkol sa bagay na to pero sa ngayon, 99% na ng buong pagkatao ko kasama na dyan ang utak at puso na nagsasabing panahon na upang buksan ang isang panibago yugto ng aking buhay (na tiyak na mas magiging masaya at makapagbibigay sa akin ng fulfillment na hinahanap ko)

THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES

2006-11-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

Solitude is something that I am learning to fully master nowadays. I don't know. I just feel so much better when I'm alone... thinking - the what could have beens and the might have beens; the is and the are; what will be... will be? Gibberish in tranquility.

I'm supposed to be talking about something right now but I won't be doing so. I think it's far too hurtful. As much as I'm a very evil person, I still have a heart (stoned but still a heart nonetheless).

Psychologically speaking, this must be the effects of being the only child. But on the other hand, shouldn't I feel a greater sense of belonging and/or longing to be with the company of other people? Well, I don't know and I could care less.

Speaking of Psychology, according to a random test we had today, I am belong to the worst cases of the feeling of depression, for this week that is. Interesting. Well, as a matter of fact, I am really happy right now. Really. I mean, despite the great bullshit realization I've had; I wouldn't have done otherwise had I been given the chance to. Because... Well... Let's not get into that. It's just the way it is.

Anyway, I've lost the sense in writing once more. This sucks. I'll just update this later. I guess.

LARAWAN

2006-11-19T23:38:00.000-08:00

Two of my childhood dreams were to become either as a painter or a photographer. Filmmaking never really got into the picture until my late years in highschool. Until then, I loved painting portraits of people in the magazine or recreating illustrations from my Magic cards. I also enjoyed taking snapshots of my relatives whenever they are eating and sleeping; I believe those pictures still exist up to this very day. As far as taking videos is concerned, well I think I just enjoyed taping my chubby cousin's legs whenever she arrives from the States.

Lately, through the inspiration of some artistic friends, I have come to revisit my appreciation and passion for painting and photography (when I say photography, it's more than the usual Kramwhoring, if you know what I mean) As much as I laugh at people who love to take those artsy fartsy photos, which then I still considered stupid and pathetic, I have come to realize that this was the thing that I used to love doing... This is where I began.

So last night, I gathered all my recent great photos (all of which I took except for pictures featuring myself, of course) and uploaded them in an artistic site (so to speak [and if you're asking why I didn't use Flickr, well, I hate the fact that it has limits, that's all.) After that, I just enjoyed looking at other people's photographs and original art whether they are nude (artistically shot of course [you perv]), romantic, emotive or just simply spontaneous. I also love the fact that within my first 2 hours, people have started making comments and adding my photos in their favorite lists. If it's immediate gratification that I'm looking, this may very well be the answer.

This isn't actually one of my favorites but the sun here just seems so wonderful.

MUNDANE

2006-11-18T18:43:00.000-08:00

I had just accidentally used my hair wax stick, mistakenly thinking it was deodorant. :|

It's amazing how Psychology applies to daily life. We were just talking about how the unconscious states our doing the other day in class and here I am now with this scenario - few seconds before the event happened, I was thinking about how my hair wax stick is almost empty and that I need to buy one when I get out; indeed I need to buy a new one now.

PSYCHO

2006-11-17T11:23:00.000-08:00

I don't think I know how to write anymore. I need a shrink. The Charlie Kaufman means of getting inspiration doesn't work for me.